To expect my teen to be able to get ready without prompting 500 times!

[iamdivergent]

She is 13.

Alarm is at 630 on school days. She spends at least 20mins laying around in her bed before she even considers getting up. She has just come down 5mins ago, still needs breakfast and to pack her bag as she didn't do it last night. We need to leave in 15mins

Every day is the same! Going to need to confiscate the phone I think.

Sound advice which I will take on board!

Missing her activities - so what. It will teach her some responsibility.

At 13 I could get myself up and ready for school and then walk 1 mile there and be on time every single day. Stop making excuses for her.

I love how some parents have self motivated children. They must have excellent parenting skills

I have two girls.

One gets up at 5:45, reads, checks homework, goes in the bath, hair, make-up and out of the door for breakfast at school before I drag my carcass from my pit.

The second one is nothing like that. I spend the entire morning repeating "Are you ready? Where are your socks? Why do you have odd socks on? Put that comb down and find your shoes. Did you brush your teeth? No! What do you mean no? Yes, you have to brush your teeth every day..." etc.

Which says to me that those with self motivated children are lucky, that's all.

I still haven't found an answer to motivate the second child other than nag constantly.

One of mine is quite self-motivated.

She's actually really anxious and panics about forgetting stuff and getting into trouble so she gets her uniform ready and packs her bag the night before, gets up as soon as her alarm goes off and is ready about half an hour before she needs to leave as that's how she copes with her anxiety.

The other one used to be a pain in the arse in the mornings. She got an after school detention for being late and that definitely helped - an after school detention meant she missed out on a good behaviour treat that term - after much moaning about how unfair it was, she got her arse into gear

Point is very few people are intrinsically self motivated when it comes to getting up early and getting our shit together in a timely manner. Most of us are motivated by external forces - missing our bus, getting bollocked for being late. OP in this case is the "external force" and its annoying her so far better let somone/something else take on the role.

Talking about luck just sounds like it's something that can't be helped- whereas most people learn to help it by trial and error.

I wake my 12 year old up when I get up and when I come out of the shower I have to wake her again.

I take her phone off her before she goes to bed and give it back to her just before we leave the house in the morning and she still faffs around.

It's nothing to do with parenting.
We are rural and dd caught the school bus.She was always up and ready on time.
Now we live within walking distance and she still gets up early(very long shower/bathroom time).
She does her homework without being asked.
She sleeps all weekend.
Nothing to do with my parenting but leaves meunguiltily nagging about plates/glasses/sock/bras jettisoned around the house.

Why do so many people say if she's not ready, leave without her without knowing if OP has other children needing to go at the same time?

If it's only one DC she's going to look a bit daft walking to the bus stop on her own.

IME the only thing that works is real life consequences.

At 13 my DD was late for school every day. I tried teaching, reminding, nagging, helping. I looked for courses on executive functioning skills. Eventually I left her to it. The school took no action and she was consistently late.

She then moved to a boarding school which took timekeeping very seriously. I nearly didn't let her go, because of things like her tardiness, her lack of organisation, her untidiness etc.

At this school, being consistently late results in expulsion. Turns out she can be on time for everything, with no nagging from anyone. She's been late maybe once or twice in 2.5 years. She's also now very tidy and organised.

Try leaving your daughter to get herself to school on time - see what happens.

happenedforareisling because we’ve read the full thread.
The OP clearly mentions DC2 and a toddler...

This is not unfamiliar, it seems to be a common theme with teens :(

I did what springersrock did. But he’s still a miserable snarly git in the mornings. Teenagers eh

And I’ve just heard his alarm go off at 7pm on a Sunday! If I’ve told him once to tailor the settings to weekdays only...

OP Write one hundred times:

I will not let her have her phone at night
I will not let her have her phone at night
I will not let her have her phone at night

To be left downstairs or in your room, switched off, O-F-F off, so that it does not ring or flash at you, and returned to her when she is ready to go.

I have the same problem with ds(13).

He is so slow in everything that he does. I have to wake him 2 and a half hours before he needs to leave for school and he is still running out the door late.

If i didnt wake him, shivvy him along a million times every day then he wouldnt go to school.

My mum had to wake me every single day for secondary school. I just couldnt physically wake up by myself until i got to vi form. I didnt have a phone. I had several alarm clocks. My bag was packed ready. I went to bed at a reasonable hour and would lie there for at least 2 hours, sometimes 3, unable to sleep. Now theres lots of research showing that teenagers body clocks are different and that what I went though is actually quite normal. Although once I was awake I could go quite quickly. My top tip would be to get her a wake up light alarm. And yes to all the other things like banning screens after a certain time.

Ooh ne2 replied. Phone was removed, she still faffed about she moaned because she didn't have time to check her Instagram accounts etc before school as she had taken even longer than usual. One one her up and left her to it. We nearly missed the bus.

We shall see what tomorrow brings - probably more of the same

Then keep her phone till you are at the bus-stop.

She was handed it as we went out the door. She didn't have time to actually have it on Friday morning before we left as she took so long.

Too soon! She needs the phone as in incentive not to waste time.

I thought ds was slow. He is up at 7, showers, has cereal, goes for a poo, dresses, brushes teeth and out of door for 8. Every morning we need to stick an arm in the bathroom door and demand his phone.

He is good at packing his bag the night before and clothes are ironed on a Sunday night and in his wardrobe.

He says he's sorry but he can't help feeling tired and slow in the mornings now but not to worry it's normal because he's a teenager.

I think they turn into the kids in Peanuts when the teacher is talking and all they actually hear is 'weh weh weh weh-weh-weh weh...'.

Just had a barney with ds over homework - playing a computer game when he was supposedly doing his French.

Then he whines at me for distracting him from his homework (telling him off) and complains that according to his timetable he only has 15 minutes to complete the work. 😖 I give up.

My dd has been in a he'll of a mood since the phone has started to be removed at night. If it's even possible, she is taking longer to get ready in the mornings! We got a school report through yesterday which shows she is doing very well though so she must be fitting homework in somewhere in her busy teen life