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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this make me a CF?

62 replies

Neverknowing · 04/10/2017 10:12

My DD is about to turn one and I'm looking for some part time work but am struggling as childcare is 1. So expensive and 2. I don't drive so it'd be hard for me to get her anywhere.
My DFriend is on maternity leave with her 7 month old and doesn't want to go back to work yet but her maternity pay has run out so she may have to go back soon. We are very close and my DD loves her.
Would I be an absolute CF to ask her to look after my DD? I would take my DD to her house in the morning and buy her a double bugy so she can still do the things she usually does but would it be too much work for her? Also how much would I pay her ?!
Originally I was thinking this would be mutually beneficial but she's so lovely I think she might say yes and struggle Sad

OP posts:
existentialmoment · 04/10/2017 10:17

AS long as you make it crystal clear that it's just an idea and you in no way expect her to say yes, and put no pressure at all on her, then it's ok.
Well, you know her, do you think it's something she would actually want to do?

2014newme · 04/10/2017 10:18

It's a bit more complicated than that in terms of whether she needs to be registered to provide childcare she also needs to pay tax etc
I'm guessing you want to pay your friend less than the local market rate, is that fair on your friend?
You'll need to have an honest chat with her about it.

Callaird · 04/10/2017 10:19

She cannot look after your child in her house for more than two hours a day for pay unless she is/gets registered as a child minder, it's a lot of hassle and expense to get registered. She could look after both of them in your house. You will have to employ her and pay her tax, national insurance and your employers national insurance.

existentialmoment · 04/10/2017 10:20

She can, if she chooses to. Whether she should is another matter, but she can and plenty do.

2014newme · 04/10/2017 10:21

Or could she be self employed and invoice the op and pay her own tax and NI?

2014newme · 04/10/2017 10:21

I'd op employs her then pension and holiday pay will also apply

kaytee87 · 04/10/2017 10:22

Bad idea

AuntLydia · 04/10/2017 10:22

It's number one that makes you a bit of cf to be honest. You don't want to pay the market rate for childcare. So you are presumably going to offer her way under to save money. How is this beneficial for her? It would be a lot of extra work and she wouldn't even get minimum wage for it...

StayAChild · 04/10/2017 10:22

I would be worried about spoiling a nice friendship by turning the relationship into a paid one. I think if you chat with her about your child care circumstances, if she wants to look after your child, she will offer.

TurnipCake · 04/10/2017 10:22

Unless she's advertising her services as a childminder, I wouldn't ask. If she's the type that says yes out of politeness I definitely wouldn't ask

Witsender · 04/10/2017 10:22

It is expensive, but to make it cheaper are you proposing not paying her much? Remember to do it properly she needs to be registered, and if she isn't (aside from the legal side) you can't claim any tax credit help towards paying for childcare. Doing so may well make proper child care cheaper.

The idea of having a friend look after her is lovely, but needs to be done properly. Also consider the effect on your friendship, if she doesn't do things as you would or proves to be less than reliable.

Laura2018 · 04/10/2017 10:23

I think its super rude to ask!

TeachesOfPeaches · 04/10/2017 10:23

Shock yes, very CF indeed.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/10/2017 10:24

Also how much would I pay her ?!

The going rate as a CM surely.

Original poster
Neverknowing · 04/10/2017 10:25

She's one of those people who gets excited about ideas but they're not necessarily doable. I think at the moment she would do anything to stay at home which is why I sort of feel bad asking because she would say yes and maybe not be able to enjoy her time at home with her baby because she's so busy running after two babies ?
In honesty, I would probably pay her what other childminders in the area charge but I'd just be happier knowing my DD likes her and I trust her. She also lives close to me so I wouldn't need to get on a bus to drop her off at a childminders. Would she have to be registered just to look after a friends baby? Gosh I hadn't even thought of that! I doubt it'd be enough to pay tax?

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 04/10/2017 10:26

My cousin did this to me. I felt put on the spot and said yes. It was a complete nightmare and ended up ruining my time I should of enjoyed with my daughter, stressed me out and made me dread those days.

Will you get childcare help from tax credits or some companies offer childcare vouchers which help with childcare. I wouldn't ask a friend. Fair enough if they offer. Why do you think she'd want to? Is her job in childcare?

2014newme · 04/10/2017 10:27

Pp said she needs to be registered if it's more than 2 hours per day.
She may not earn enough to pay tax but she'll need to keep accounts to prove that to the hmrc.
Getting registered costs money who will pay fir that, you?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 04/10/2017 10:29

If you'd be able to afford to pay her what you'd pay other childminders then why can't you pay an actual childminder? There must be a local one to you?

What I paid my childminder just covered her watching her I also needed to send a pack lunch, so if she's feeding your child and also taking them days out most days it might not be very beneficial for her financially.

Original poster
Neverknowing · 04/10/2017 10:30

@AuntLydia I agree now you've written it down, I was thinking about paying her the local childminding rate which is a bit shit tbh. It's about £4 an hour, is that stingy and shit?
I would obviously pay for her to be registered too.
She has offered to look after DD while I work before but she said she'd do it unpaid which ofc is silly.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 04/10/2017 10:31

Legally, you're not even allowed to offer reciprocal childcare with no money changing hands e.g. 'I look after your child for 2 days a week, you look after mine for 2 days a week) so this is a definite no-no.

If you're prepared to pay the going rate, you need to pay a nursery or registered childminder.

SoupDragon · 04/10/2017 10:31

Can you imagine caring for your not yet 1 year old and your friend's 7 month old baby at the same time?? Obviously parents of twins manage it but it sounds really tough to me.

I got consider asking her to look after an older chold but not a baby. It's not necessarily cheeky to ask provided your paying the going rate and not taking the piss but please as others have said, she would need to be registered as a childminder.

TurnipCake · 04/10/2017 10:31

I sort of feel bad asking because she would say yes and maybe not be able to enjoy her time at home with her baby because she's so busy running after two babies ?

Then don't ask the poor sod

2014newme · 04/10/2017 10:33

I think you're underestimating what it takes to get registered tbh. It's not just filling in a form. Your friend will be ofsted inspected at some point, she'll need a first aid certificate, to gave completed a childcare course etc. All this takes time and money

pasturesgreen · 04/10/2017 10:34

Mixing friendship and business arrangements is almost invariably unwise.

If she's the sort of person who would feel unable to say no I really really wouldn't ask.

Original poster
Neverknowing · 04/10/2017 10:37

@SoupDragon Yes ! I've looked after them both a few times together when she had to go into work to sort a few things out (her boss is a witch hence her not wanting to go back). Thinking about it though her DD hasn't started crawling yet and I think once she's moving it'll be a lot harder Sad
Okay I think this is a no-go then I sort of thought so anyways but I had a glimmer of Hope it might be mutually beneficial.
Thank you!!

OP posts:
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