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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this make me a CF?

62 replies

Neverknowing · 04/10/2017 10:12

My DD is about to turn one and I'm looking for some part time work but am struggling as childcare is 1. So expensive and 2. I don't drive so it'd be hard for me to get her anywhere.
My DFriend is on maternity leave with her 7 month old and doesn't want to go back to work yet but her maternity pay has run out so she may have to go back soon. We are very close and my DD loves her.
Would I be an absolute CF to ask her to look after my DD? I would take my DD to her house in the morning and buy her a double bugy so she can still do the things she usually does but would it be too much work for her? Also how much would I pay her ?!
Originally I was thinking this would be mutually beneficial but she's so lovely I think she might say yes and struggle Sad

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 04/10/2017 10:39

Yes the individual rate is crap. What makes it worth doing is having multiple kids to look after. Also, the registration process took me about 9 months and is intrusive. She would have to have her house set up in a particular way and do a load of paperwork. I can't see why on earth she'd want to do all that for £4 an hour. Presumably if she were interested in registering as a childminder she'd have mentioned it to you..

Original poster
Neverknowing · 04/10/2017 10:40

She is interested in becoming a child minder but she needs to do some courses or something? And In honesty she talks about doing a lot of different things and the next week the idea is gone ! I think she's panicking about having to go back to work and thinking of anything to save herself

OP posts:
2014newme · 04/10/2017 10:42

Until she has done the courses and registered its not an option so you need to find an alternative

AuntLydia · 04/10/2017 10:43

Yeah, see would you really want someone who changes their mind like that to childmind for you? You could be left in the lurch. I know it's a big scary thing leaving them with someone who right now is a stranger but if you pick the right childminder then she won't feel like a stranger at all - she'll become one of the family.

existentialmoment · 04/10/2017 10:45

My cousin did this to me. I felt put on the spot and said yes. It was a complete nightmare

Well you did it to yourself really. Just because someone asks you to do something does not mean you have to do it!

DramaBanana · 04/10/2017 10:51

What is a CF? I keep seeing this everywhere?

SlothMama · 04/10/2017 10:55

I wouldn't want to make her feel put on the spot so she feels like she has to say yes. £4 an hour will hardly mean she won't have to go back to work tbh

SusanTheGentle · 04/10/2017 10:56

I can see exactly why this came up but I don't think it's workable in a legal way that protects both of you. If she wanted to be a childminder anyway and was already working towards registration that would be one thing, but not just for your daughter.

(CF is Cheeky Fucker, Drama)

Santawontbelong · 04/10/2017 10:59

I am self employed and when I had ds my friend (10 years) was recently single and very skint. I asked her did she want to come work with me part time or look after ds and I would pay her. . She said she would watch ds as she was a nervous driver and would feel too scared to drive through town to jobs etc. Fair enough. We discussed hours and money etc,all good. At a party I was holding another friend asked her if she was looking forward to having ds in a few weeks when I returned to work etc, how she was envious as he was a cutie etc. . Cue friend denying any such conversation had ever taken place!! Awkward. . .
I made other arrangements for ds and never mentioned it to her (coward I know).
She continued to claim to be skint and I always paid for coffee /lunches out /even both our parking tickets. .
Until one day she turned up in a smart new convertible!!
I knew I had def been taken for a mug.
Friendship muddled on for a while until we ceased contact. .

Lancelottie · 04/10/2017 11:01

What you could do is say, 'Have you thought any more about registering as a childminder? I'd be your first client if you did!'

viques · 04/10/2017 11:01

you would ruin your friendship, eventually. Far better to find a local childminder and keep your friend as a friend knowing that in a dire emergency eg childminder unwell, she would step up and look after your child for you without either of you feeling uncomfortable or obligated.

GabsAlot · 04/10/2017 11:02

no sorry let her enjoy her own baby and go through a proper registered child minder

if she wants to be registered in future fine but dont push it to suit you

Timeywimey8 · 04/10/2017 11:06

Legally, you're not even allowed to offer reciprocal childcare with no money changing hands e.g. 'I look after your child for 2 days a week, you look after mine for 2 days a week

I'm not sure this is correct. There was a well publicised case about two policewomen who exchanged childcare and I think the ensuing outcry led to some guidance being issued making it clear that these sorts of arrangements were not caught by the regulations.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8303366.stm

flimflaminurjams · 04/10/2017 11:15

Think Lancelottie has the right approach.

You've said your friend doesn't want to go back to work for the witchy boss, so it might be worth casually mentioning as per Lancelottie and see what she says. For all you know she might like to but as a lot of people when first considering starting a business, are put off by not knowing how/where/if they can get their first customer.

drspouse · 04/10/2017 11:16

What you could do is say, 'Have you thought any more about registering as a childminder? I'd be your first client if you did!'

That sounds perfect.
But are there really no CMs locally to you? Or any near work, where you'll have to go anyway? Or nurseries ditto?

drspouse · 04/10/2017 11:17

(Oops sorry I didn't see that you hadn't found the job yet!)

Talkietalk · 04/10/2017 11:22

Sounds like she wouldnt cope from what you say but would try to be agreeable anyway. Dont put that pressure on her

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/10/2017 11:26

I think it depends on many things. How much income she needs to stay at home v's how many hours you'd need and how much you could pay.

People cope with twins and more or two close together etc. You and she would be the best judge of whether she could cope. But, what if yiu started it and got a job and she decided she couldn't do it anymore, it might be the end of a friendship. nad that's before all the other issues re working and tax and all that already mentioned.

Branleuse · 04/10/2017 11:33

id find it super awkward if someone asked me this. In fact I have done this before for a friend and I felt all obliged and like i should help her, but it was very stressful, and tbh our friendship was never quite the same after that

Wormulonian · 04/10/2017 11:35

As others have said if your friend looked after your DC in her home for over 2 hours a day for payment then she needs to be registered as a childminder (which is much tougher to do than 10 years ago)and would be self employed

If she was to look after your DC in your home (which she may not want to do) then she could be classed as a nanny but you would be her employer and responsible for sorting out PAYE, insurance etc

Some info:
www.childcare.co.uk/information/what-type-of-childcare

I am sure a number of people have ad hoc/informal arrangements that aren't quite "legal" but I wonder what would happen if there was an accident or problem (as regards liability/insurance etc)

quercuscircus · 04/10/2017 11:43

I don't that reciprocal childcare is actually banned.

I think the law was clarifed after that court case to allow swaps between friends so long as no money or 'money's worth' is exchanged (eg vouchers or buying shopping)

I found this from Devon County Council 2014 Devon CC Childcare Factsheet

and www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2010/744/memorandum/contents

Perhaps doing swaps may help if you both could work PT hours?

SleepFreeZone · 04/10/2017 11:49

Would you honestly trust that your friend could adequately care for two young children without any childcare qualifications and in a less than ideal environment? I certainly wouldn't want to risk my child coming to harm.

Butterymuffin · 04/10/2017 11:52

I think you need to look for existing, proper childcare, while also letting your friend know that if she did want to set up as a childminder, she could have you as a client. But childcare is expensive, I'm afraid, and you get what you pay for with a properly regulated childminder or nursery.

BabsGanoush · 04/10/2017 11:59

Ignore those saying she needs to be registered as a childminder.

This isn't a business, it's an agreement between friends.

Lets face it, drivers don't register as a taxi just because a friend gives them a tenner for driving them somewhere. Teenagers don't register for a bit of babysitting. I paid my neighbour for a birthday cake, but she hasn't had Env. Health round for a kitchen inspection.

You can only ask, but make it obvious there is no pressure.

quercuscircus · 04/10/2017 12:06

sleepfreezone Bit of an over reaction to raise safety concerns here just becasue the freind has no childcare qualifications I think. How many perfectly good/ wonderful parets have childcare qualifications?!!

And if you actually genuinely thought that a friend could not "adequately care" for 2 young children, wouldn't your prime concern be reporting them to social services? And questioning your friendship?!

Nothing wrong with swaps if it suits both friends.

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