to think if you invite yourself to stay...

[BarbieBarbieBaa]

At someone’s house for a weekend, you should bring a gift or put your hand in your pocket once while you stay?

My sister has just left after staying for a few days. She asked me a few months ago if she could visit, I said yes as hadn’t seen her in a while and she hasn’t seen her nephew since last year. My DH ended up working away while she was here so the idea of company was great! No matter though as this was planned before we knew he was away.

She didn’t offer to pay for anything whilst here, didn’t bring a bottle of wine, not even a present for her nephew. I’m feeling really annoyed at this as we always treat her to a meal out when we visit. She isn’t tight for cash even though she loves to plead poverty at ever chance, this is just a fiction as she had bragged about her finances when in an unguarded moment. What makes it worse is she didn’t offer to help with looking after DS at all, and would happily watch me struggle with him until a snapped at her to do something.

Sorry but she is family, and if you want to take her out for a meal, then it was your choice, if you don't expect something from someone then you never have to be disappointed,

People should not arrive, empty handed, in such a situation. It is mean.

I often have family to stay as we live 100 miles away, but I never expect anything in return. I'm just pleased they've come. Perhaps don't take her out for a meal next time.

What’s your relationship like with her usually?

I would always take something for the host or offer to pay for something. If my guests don't, I think they're rude. It's not about being wealthy - you can bring a small box of After8s or something. It's about showing appreciation and consideration.

She's your sister, surely of anyone you can give her "straight talking". So it would go something like "Sis it's your turn to cook/get a takeaway.

I'm afraid it is poor manners to arrive as a guest without a token gift, no one is expecting a hot house of flowers and a hamper from Fortnum and Mason, but a bottle of wine &/or a bag of sweets for any DC is good manners.

I guess it's nice to take a bunch of flowers or something, but within my family there is no expectation to bring anything unless specifically arranged e.g. for a big family meal.

I sometimes take little things for my nieces and nephews, but not every time, it just depends.

I do think it's quite odd she didn't play with her nephew though.

Yes it's bad manner ls

It’s mean and rude. We’ve had this happen with guests (including one who stayed with us for three nights), and sorry, but I was both offended and massively judgmental.

Well no more treating her to a meal when you stay with her and no gifts. Mirror her behaviour.

When we stay at peoples houses we always take a nice bottle of wine or some decent chocolates and I do think it’s rude to turn up without anything. Also when staying a people’s houses it is a nice gesture to at least offer to pay for a take away or coffee & cake/dinner out.

You’d think she would of played with her nephew if she’s not seen him since last year!

Mostly. If I didn't invite myself to stay at DF's we'd never go.

I sometimes used to visit a friend who lived about 200 miles away - at least a 7 hour round trip and obviously the cost of the petrol, probably the equivalent of £50. I never used to take anything with me. She would never come and see me as she used to drive a lot for her job, so didn't want to drive all that way at the weekend.

I suppose I considered the petrol as my contribution to the visit - and BTW, she would ask me to visit, I didn't inflict my company on her!!

I have occasionally wondered whether she thought I was really cheeky.

I wonder if your sister feels the same way?

I stay at my mils occasionally. She loves it as she gets to see dd's. Normally go during school holidays.

When u go up, I take stacks of wine with me. I'll get a take away one day, and take mil and her Dh out for dinner. I'm usually there for about 5 days.

Your dsis should have at the bare minimum have got some wine in. SMH

It is very rude to turn up empty handed and expect to be fed and watered all weekend.

She is your sister, so I’m assuming you called her up on it.

My sister is the same... she now brings chocolates after i complained to my mum
but still doesn't pay, doesn't help, doesn't wash up, makes more of a mess... and breathe

Yes it is very rude and mean to turn up empty handed.

I wouldn't expect anything from family.
But then I wouldn't expect to be treated with a restaurant either.

I would stop the restaurant and eat at home.

I would take gifts if I went to stay with anyone, family or not. It would usually be wine and cake.

You snapped at her to help with your son? Now that's rude. You could just ask, people often don't like to take charge with other peoples children but respond well to being politely asked.
I wouldn't expect a gift from anyone staying. I might bring one myself but wouldn't have thought of it as 'expected'.

Unless I knew someone was very hard up I would think they were a bit of a ponce, coming to me for free food, board, and a cheap break.

yes, cousin, I'm looking at you

Honestly YABU she might be skint this month, you shouldn't expect anything from her unless you make specific plans.

I think it's ruder to expect a gift.

When my family come they usually bring some crisp, sweets etc for the dc and sometimes take us out for a meal but I would never expect it. I'm just happy to see them and spend time with them.

They're my family I love them they're not an inconvenience.

YABU! When did this culture happen where people were constantly expected to take gifts for bloody everything! It's family, no way would I expect a family member to bring something and it wouldn't occur to me to do the same.

I agree with you OP.