to think if you invite yourself to stay...

[BarbieBarbieBaa]

At someone’s house for a weekend, you should bring a gift or put your hand in your pocket once while you stay?

My sister has just left after staying for a few days. She asked me a few months ago if she could visit, I said yes as hadn’t seen her in a while and she hasn’t seen her nephew since last year. My DH ended up working away while she was here so the idea of company was great! No matter though as this was planned before we knew he was away.

She didn’t offer to pay for anything whilst here, didn’t bring a bottle of wine, not even a present for her nephew. I’m feeling really annoyed at this as we always treat her to a meal out when we visit. She isn’t tight for cash even though she loves to plead poverty at ever chance, this is just a fiction as she had bragged about her finances when in an unguarded moment. What makes it worse is she didn’t offer to help with looking after DS at all, and would happily watch me struggle with him until a snapped at her to do something.

Whether it is rude or not would depend on circumstances. Is the visiting reciprocated, how long the visit is, how frequent the visit is etc.

We lived abroad for a while and had some excellent house guests (PIL) and some less excellent (my side of the family).

It is tricky. A meal out or a takeaway may seem like a great idea from the guest side but may be less welcome from the host side when they have back to back visitors and are trying to keep a healthy lifestyle.

I do that too, KC225 but I don't sweat it when others don't. I don't keep a 'tally' in my head. My mother does that, says she can't help it, but all it does is maker her anxious and irritated. A bit like the posters here.

I give 'till I squeak'; I don't expect others to follow suit and it's always a lovely surprise when they do.

Nobody is forced to host and even when people invite themselves it's possible to refuse. It's also possible (incredible as it seems) to be upfront and say, "Can you buy the takeaway tonight please." or "Can we split the food bill this week please". To sit there and seethe for the duration of the visit though is ridiculous and I don't feel sorry for the muppets for whom gifts matter so much but they can't speak up.

It's not about "expecting" anything - it's more about as a guest turning up empty handed. It's bad manners.

Seething? Who said they would seethe for the entire visit?
As for the "muppet" comment, that's a bit childish, don't you think?

I can understand Op feeling disgruntled that her sister came to stay and didn't bring something though, even if it's not mandatory, it's still polite. Especially when she, the sister, did ask to come to stay.

I do think it's polite to bring a contribution if you know your hosts are going to feed you - I'd always ask what we can bring (so there aren't too many puddings for example) but if they said "Oh don't bother" then I'd still bring a bottle and/or flowers.

If we go to see DH's dad and his partner I'd take something for them (usually partner-orientated though, I don't know why), this is because she always brought flowers or a plant or similar little gift when they came to see us. I'm not confident on social conventions so I just follow her lead.

Interesting mix of views and opinions, gives me a better perspective so thanks everyone. I guess it just grated as this was how we were raised! If she does randomly invite herself again I will think twice before agreeing. As for calling me rude for snapping, I had already asked her to help while dealing with cooking but she let DS get in the way instead putting him at risk. I ended up closing the gate in the doorway and letting him cry. Surely asking a family member to look after a 2 yo isn’t rude

I had already asked her to help while dealing with cooking but she let DS get in the way instead putting him at risk. I ended up closing the gate in the doorway and letting him cry. Surely asking a family member to look after a 2 yo isn’t rude

Whilst she may be a bit self involved from the way you're writing about her, no I personally don't think she was under obligations to look after your son. Surely you manage all the other times she's not there? I'd feel rather unwelcomed as a guest in a home to be set 'duties'. Again, I assume she hasn't her own children?

Plus, you'd rather risk damaging a future relationship with your sister (one you barely see anyway) because she didn't bring a gift? I'd not go out of my way for her when she did visit, like meals out, but seems a bit much to reconsider any future visits. A bit of an overreaction in my opinion, but I guess you're not that close/on the same page anyway.

I wouldn't care. I don't like my sister spending money on me and I tend to treat her when ever she is round. She's 9 years younger though so that may have something to do with my mindset on it.