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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give my toddler a bit of bread?

514 replies

ChequeredPasta · 03/10/2017 20:19

I imagine this has already been done to death, and would get the answer if I could be arsed to scroll...
At Waitrose the other day. Put a french bread stick in the trolley, which my toddler (2) saw, and started reaching for it. Told her no, to wait, but she is an untameable beast became upset. So..... I tore off the end and gave it to her BEFORE paying Shock One of the staff saw, and gave me a stinker of a look.

Now, my Mum used to do this with us. But, my Mum's understanding of social convention is.... interesting.
WIBU?!

OP posts:
coolaschmoola · 03/10/2017 23:30

Bloody autocorrect! NON-FOOD distraction!

pp2017 · 03/10/2017 23:32

I'd be shopping elsewhere.....

We always used to let DS eat a snack size bag of grapes/apple while shopping in Asda and gave the empty packet to the checkout girl to scan, they never used to bat an eyelid!

Also - Tesco now have a stand of "free fruit" for kids to take and much on while parents shop !

Thingsiseeinmybathroom · 03/10/2017 23:38

I don't see a problem. I've never done it myself but can understand why you would.
I am instead a complete sucker for "can I have a magazine/£2 toy"..

squishysquirmy · 03/10/2017 23:40

In an ideal world, you are right coola that food shouldn't be used this way. And taken to an extreme - if a parent used food to solve every problem, it could cause serious issues down the line.
But I don't think that occasionally giving a child a snack when they are hungry and surrounded by food (literally being wheeled past huge arrays of different food) is that bad. Sometimes it is a leser of two evils - a child falling out of a trolley because they are tantrumming is worse than letting them eat a bit of bread. A supermarket shop taking three times as long as it should with a wriggling, screaming, red faced, toddler is horrible, even without the inevitable stink eyes from other people in the shop. Trying to load the belt, pay, and pack bags while your toddler tries to egg the cashier is no fun at all. I would rather head off a tantrum early, and save the difficult "teaching moments" of parenting for when I am at home and it wont bother anyone else.

Tallia · 03/10/2017 23:41

Pengggwn I'm afraid you're wrong.
A supermarket wouldn't be within their rights to prosecute you for theft. (I used to work in the HO for a supermarket chain)

You have to actually leave the premises without paying for it to constitute theft.

And to those complaining about people who eat food then leave the empty packets around the store and don't pay - that's obviously a completely different thing - that is theft.

YANBU - totally normal and ok thing to do (and my Mum also used to do this with me when I was little)

crazyhairdontcare · 03/10/2017 23:42

Wow, seriously cannot believe the amount of mardy fuckers on here.

You're going to pay for it. Let the child eat the bread. I honestly don't know a single person in RL that would raise an eyebrow at that.

Florence16 · 03/10/2017 23:44

I'll say YABU. I used to work in retail at uni and you will not believe the amount of people that did this who had left their purse at home or forgotten their pin or something ridiculous happened meaning they couldn't pay and felt like a prized moron. I swear the people that ended up leaving without paying were nearly always the ones eating things/feeding kids on the way round and never people buying a newspaper or something they didn't really need right there and then.

DonkeyOil · 03/10/2017 23:45

If you haven't paid for it, don't fucking eat it.

There'll be a lot of restaurants gong out of business, then!

Tallia · 03/10/2017 23:47

coola because children are always hungry and want to eat at a time that's convenient with your schedule?

And you aways have plenty of time to perfectly schedule everything you have to do with lots of time for proper sit down food breaks and nothing ever takes you longer than expected?

Honestly all these people saying you should go shopping prepared with snacks. Do you really think taking your own food into a supermarket and eating it as you go round is more acceptable than eating something from the supermarket before you pay for it?

Penhacked · 03/10/2017 23:53

Where I am they give hunks of bread away in every supermarket or bakery you visit. By time dd gets home she doesn't need lunch!! I would definitely do it. Worst case your card got rejected and you couldn't pay...it's a bloody Babette not a Rolls Royce. I think Waitrose could handle the loss to profits!

cynthiasheep · 03/10/2017 23:56

I had this debate the other day with DS (age 3). In the supermarket. At top volume. I opened a box of fruit pouches and gave him one...
DS: "MUMMY, YOU ARE STEALING- YOU HAVEN'T PAID FOR IT"
Me: " ITS OK, IT'S NOT STEALING BECAUSE I AM NOT BEING DISHONEST SINCE I INTEND TO PAY - LOOK, I HAVE THE BOX IN THE TROLLEY FOR THEM TO SCAN"

Why don't I take a snack with me if I know they are going to be hungry? Because I do all my shopping in the same shop and I would have no way of proving that the snack I gave them was one I bought and paid for last week rather than one I picked off the shelf that day and I don't want to be accused of shoplifting if I don't give the wrapper to be scanned.

coolaschmoola · 03/10/2017 23:59

Tallia - if only I did have time to sit down and have lengthy meal breaks... I'm a full time teacher, a parent and a carer for my disabled husband. Time is something that I have very little of. That's why I have to plan and think ahead. I schedule shopping in after a meal - usually after breakfast on a Saturday morning. I keep snacks, baby wipes and toys in the car and my bag for those unexpected moments. I have never, in six years of parenting, taken something from a shop for my DC to eat on the way round. Planning ahead and being prepared isn't hard - truly busy people do it constantly. If people get 'caught out' it's because they haven't thought ahead. Keep stuff in the car, keep it in your bag, keep it anywhere you like - then when it all does go to hell in a handcart, as it always does, you've got it covered.

coolaschmoola · 04/10/2017 00:02

Or, the Army way to put it - 'The 6 P's... Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance'.

I don't have time for shit to go wrong, so I do everything I possibly can to prevent it, and to mitigate it when it does.

squishysquirmy · 04/10/2017 00:05

What if your dc doesn't eat much of their breakfast one day? Do you postpone the shopping until they have eaten properly?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/10/2017 00:08

What would you do if you're going somewhere other than shopping? Do that.

coolaschmoola · 04/10/2017 00:13

No. No time for that, I work at home at the weekends and do house stuff so I go when planned. I take a pot of fruit or a fruit bar/crackers. I'll generally try to get them to have something in the car, once I park, because I'm not a fan of them eating in shops and it only takes five minutes to stave off hunger long enough to dash around the super. If they still aren't hungry then I'll stick the snack in my bag along with a couple of toys, which they'll get first. Eating in a shop is a final resort.

coolaschmoola · 04/10/2017 00:14

iamagreyhound - exactly!

DonkeyOil · 04/10/2017 00:19

I have never, in six years of parenting, taken something from a shop for my DC to eat on the way round. Planning ahead and being prepared isn't hard

But that's like planning ahead to take some books with you to a Library. If I was intending to go to a desert or up a mountain, then I'd plan ahead. There's no need, if you're just going to Waitrose. That's where you go to get the stuff you're going to use when you do have to plan ahead! I genuinely don't see the problem if you pay at the end.

Notanotheruser111 · 04/10/2017 00:28

I’m in Aus and our supermarket has in the last year or so started putting out free fruit for kids, wonderful idea

But not grapes... Grapes dropped on the floor are a massive slip hazard and you don’t always notice because your shopping.

coolaschmoola · 04/10/2017 00:46

I was brought up, and still believe, that things in shops aren't yours until you have paid for them so I just wouldn't do it. Hence I take food I have already paid for with me.

KrytensNanobots · 04/10/2017 00:50

Yes, been done to death, and my answer is always along the same lines. Your child won't die from hearing the word "no" or having to go half an hour or however long it takes you to shop from lack of food intake.
If you're only plugging them up with food taken from the shelves to shut them up whining, either put up with the whining or find another way to keep them amused.
It's a shop not an all you can eat buffet.

Whinberry · 04/10/2017 00:57

You don't need to leave the store to be charged with stealing - you have deprived someone of their property. If you hadn't eaten it in you could at any point up to leaving the store leave the product behind and therefore not steal it which is why leaving the store normally matters.

Also the price on the shelf is the "invitation to treat' and there is no obligation on the store to sell at that price. The shop is perfectly at liberty to charge £500 for the half eaten baguette and you couldn't put it back or say no thanks.

KrytensNanobots · 04/10/2017 00:59

If I'm hungry when I go shopping I take a chocolate bar off the shelves, eat it and put the empty wrapped in the trolley to pay at the end. Staff never say anything, just scan the wrapper and bin it!

I just..... why? How are you THAT hungry when you go shopping that you just take food off the shelf and eat it as you go round the shop?! Confused
Presuming you're a grown up and not a toddler demanding to snack on the chocolate NOW or you might have a tantrum, is it actual starvation and need to eat now or just an ingrained habit because you've always had a parent who'd let you eat what you like as you go round the supermarket?

faithinthesound · 04/10/2017 01:04

@Pengggwn
A supermarket would be within its rights to ask you to leave or even prosecute you for this, because it is theft.

Point of order. In every company, every retail store, every supermarket I have ever worked in (and I have been in customer service/retail for eighteen plus years) the policy was actually no, you can't confront people for doing this because the reality is, until they are attempting to walk out the door with it without paying, it isn't theft, and "I haven't left yet and am intending to pay" is a valid defense to a shoplifting accusation.

We as staff are actually not allowed to confront these types of people until they try to leave the store with product that is not paid for. None of these posters saying they let their child eat from a barcoded item which they later pay for are shoplifting by this definition. Up to and until they attempt to leave the store without paying, they are still legitimate shoppers. Not shoplifters.

You can sermonize and moralize and clutch your pearls and "well I never" until the cows come home, but the fact is that legally, you are wrong.

And to address other PP, here's my two cents

  • it IS only okay if the item has a barcode, because then it's going to scan at the same price no matter how much has been consumed
  • it is NOT okay to let your child eat something that has to be weighed, because the portion that has been consumed is then inside your child and therefore cannot be weighed and paid for
  • to the PP who mentioned hating scanning empty wrappers, perhaps working with the public is not for you if a little mayonnaise is enough to ruin your day. I have dealt with much worse, including being the only person in the store who was willing to clean up a puddle of pee. Mayonnaise? You have it good.
  • ro the woman who had the projectile vomiting baby and busted open some wipes to clean it up, THANK YOU. I might have cleaned up pee, but vomit I can't do. Thank you for doing what you had to do and not making your child's bodily function some poor underpaid supermarket worker's problem! FlowersFlowersFlowers (this is not sarcasm, I am genuinely grateful)

To every PP, including @Pengggwn, who has run mothers down for "pandering to tantrums" and "stealing" because they're "too lazy to be organized and bring snacks from home", you need to get a grip. A firm grip. Two hands, if possible. Because toddlers cannot be reasoned with. I actually agree that "your toddler is your problem", but I consider "feeding a child to avert a tantrum" to be a perfectly reasonable way of solving that problem, in a way that doesn't subject the rest of the store to a screaming tantrum for an extended period of time.

I wonder what the advice is, in lieu of feeding the child.

  • Let them tantrum it out? (Bad parenting. It is making your child's tantrum impact on everyone around.)
  • Reason with them? (Ridiculous. Toddlers cannot be reasoned with.)
  • Leave the store and try again another time? (Also ridiculous. I don't know anyone who grocery shops for funsies. If you're there, with a toddler, the vast majority of the time it's not for recreation, it's because you need to be. Stopping and going home isn't always possible, or practicable, especially if it means taking the hungry, tantruming toddler home to an empty house!)
  • Be more organized? (Not always possible. Life happens, and there's a whole lot of life happening all the damn time when you have a toddler. Nobody is perfect. Not even *@Pengggwn*.)

I also wonder how many of these self-confessed perfect parents who never, ever feed their child something they haven't paid for yet, would stand there tutting and making faces at the tantrums and the vomit, when these mothers who have found a perfectly reasonable solution to these problems decide no, we can't do that, it's stealing Hmm

*In conclusion, there is a reason, in Les Misérables, that Jean Valjean is the sympathetic character and Javert is the unreasonable antagonist. It is because mindless, slavish adherence to the rules is not always just or fair, and what is just and fair is not always mindless, slavish adherence to the rules.

MangosteenSoda · 04/10/2017 01:05

The lady on the bakery counter in our supermarket always asks if I want the bag sealed or if it's for my toddler to eat now. I love her!

IRL, I don't think many people would get upset about this as most people understand what toddlers can be like. Mine has SN and is a ball of raging fury at the best of times. I'm always incredibly grateful when people make our lives easier!

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