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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my toddler a bit of bread?

514 replies

ChequeredPasta · 03/10/2017 20:19

I imagine this has already been done to death, and would get the answer if I could be arsed to scroll...
At Waitrose the other day. Put a french bread stick in the trolley, which my toddler (2) saw, and started reaching for it. Told her no, to wait, but she is an untameable beast became upset. So..... I tore off the end and gave it to her BEFORE paying Shock One of the staff saw, and gave me a stinker of a look.

Now, my Mum used to do this with us. But, my Mum's understanding of social convention is.... interesting.
WIBU?!

OP posts:
Talkietalk · 05/10/2017 10:52

surprised at the acceptance of thievery on here - ive seen people conveniently forget that they have eaten something and just placed the packaging to one side

Talith · 05/10/2017 10:53

I don't let mine eat anything until we've paid. Just feels like stealing otherwise.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/10/2017 11:00

It's fine - I've done it with my pack of feral offspring who would probably have been better behaved if they had been raised by wolves children, and have also done it with bottled water if they've been thirsty (though not juice, because they'd drink juice out of greed - they are their mother's children Grin ).

However, I've also (rarely, thank heavens) seen people feeding their brats and dumping empty packets or half-devoured pies etc on the shelves. This is not acceptable and I've got into arguments mentioned this on occasion.

Thingsiseeinmybathroom · 05/10/2017 11:02

I'm surprised at the line of thought that keeps popping up, '..teaching children that good solves boredom... unhealthy...food issues...obesity...'

I don't know how often these people go shoppers, but we tend to do a big shop once a week. A nibble on the end of a baguette every Tuesday morning isn't going to create an obese or greedy child with food issues 🙄

LizH86 · 05/10/2017 11:04

I wouldn't do it.
Tesco provide fruit for kids to help themselves to whilst parents are shopping. Or just pack snacks!

ShovingLeopard · 05/10/2017 11:27

Talkie who has 'accepted' thievery on here? The people who do this have said they pay for the items at the end. The fact that some give their kids items they will pay for with the rest of the shopping does not mean they are stealing, or that they condone it when others do.

Taking items and then not paying is theft. That is completely unacceptable, and of course illegal. It is not what we are talking about here. Confused

Talkietalk · 05/10/2017 11:57

so they say

excellent way to raise your kids - to allow them to have something before it is legally theirs - what happens if they decide they dont actually like it and leave it to one side

jesuislebitch · 05/10/2017 12:02

what happens if they decide they dont actually like it and leave it to one side

You pay for it then throw it? Pay for it then eat it yourself?

maddiemookins16mum · 05/10/2017 12:15

I managed to survive as did DD with never eating my way around a shop (I got this from my Mum who was really anti eating anything in a shop).
However, I'd not get too bothered about a toddler nibbling on a crust of bread, it's the adults who can't wait ten minutes without ripping open a bag of crisps or cocktail sausages that annoy me (I annoy myself at how annoyed I get 😳).

It could however become a habit that they are still doing it years later when the reality could be they could wait a few minutes.

Screwinthetuna · 05/10/2017 12:50

I let my kid have one of those squeezey pouches on the way around the shop. Aren't I just a rebel Wink

YreneTowers · 05/10/2017 12:54

Having tried to be organised and brought a snack in to the supermarket in case my toddler got hungry, then not being able to prove I hadn't picked it up in the shop and being forced to pay for it a second time, I say let the child eat food picked up in the supermarket and pay for it on the way through the checkout.

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:08

Are you too poor to wait?

RhiannonOHara · 05/10/2017 13:52

Just no. Yabu. Really common behaviour. Grin

Of course YANBU. You're going to pay the same for a baguette with a bit eaten off it than a whole one, so who cares? (apart from Hyacinth Bucket upthread, obvs).

ShovingLeopard · 05/10/2017 14:36

Talkie then you pay for it, regardless. Obviously..... what is too hard for you to grasp about that? I'm really not seeing the difficulty!

Majormanner are you suggesting that people who are unfortunate enough to be poor are somehow also afflicted with lesser waiting abilities than those who are fortunate enough to be well-off? I think you'll find, in reality, that being poor results in needing to exercise a lot more self-denial and waiting than is necessary for the comfortably-off.

early30smum · 05/10/2017 14:42

I'm really on the fence with this one. On one hand, we've all been there with a screaming toddler and yes it's much easier to just give them something to eat for some peace. But if they're not actually hungry, just fancy a bit of bread (or whatever) it is letting them eat out of boredom and that's not a great path to go down...

I often say to my kids when they're whinging for a snack half an hour before dinner they can have an apple or other fruit but nothing else- they're miraculously no longer hungry, wait for dinner and eat much better. I do think snacking culture has got completely out of control. I'm guilty of it myself- my kids have more snacks than I'd like.

HornyTortoise · 05/10/2017 14:43

what happens if they decide they dont actually like it and leave it to one side

Same thing that happens if someone dislikes a meal in a restaurant or something. Paid for and left, or eaten by someone else, or whatever Hmm

Missingthesea · 05/10/2017 15:15

I saw a woman pick up a bunch of bananas and put them in her trolley, but first she gave one to her toddler to eat on the way round the shop. As bananas are sold by weight, I thought that was really cheeky.

BlurryFace · 05/10/2017 15:23

I think it's OK with a French stick, though it can be annoying when done with other things. Like flaky pastries from the deli or bags of sweets/crisps which the till person mightn't notice is open and get crumbs/sweets everywhere - if you do that, please point it out!

It is cheeky to do with stuff that gets weighed. I upset a couple of customers who had brought a bunch of bananas + the empty peel of an eaten one to be weighed because instead of weighing the empty peel I broke off a whole banana and put it through again. I'm petty and make people feel like thieves.Wink

DiegoMadonna · 05/10/2017 15:35

what happens if they decide they dont actually like it and leave it to one side

This is like arguing that it's wrong to put items in a basket because what if you decide to just walk out of the shop without paying...

In other words, it's a stupid argument.

TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 15:40

Love these threads and all the knicker twisting.

I've been known to rock up at a till and tell the cashier my toddler has eaten (and finished) a bakery roll on the way round. Roll gets tapped in to the till. No drama.

MoronsandNeurons · 05/10/2017 17:32

I don’t personally have a problem with it, but wouldn’t do it myself. I would give a snack or juice I had prepared like cucumber sticks or something in a tub that was clearly already mine.
Also when I used to work in M&S years ago some thankless chavvy people would give their children stuff, leave it on the side and not pay for it. Maybe she sees that a lot and how would she know you wouldn’t do the same?

PolarBearkshire · 05/10/2017 17:37

Wow honestly some ladies have to chill. Wjat a huge deal? I sometimes run into shop thirsty and drink from bottle of lucosade - so what? I am not stealing or running away!! I eat food in restaurant before I pay too- no big deal.
The only thing I really do hate is when parents allow their kids touch!!! pastries biscuits and then request them to put them back?? I even saw school boy licking icing off buscuit in Waitrose mother looking at him, saw that I saw too and she just walked off? I was like seriously?!! Wtf?
As long you are paying it is absolutely fine. If customer assistants give you a look - come up to them and ask whats the deal? Do they have rules displayed to customers that at no circumstances customers cant start consuming anything on their premises while still paying for the food/drink?? It would put me off BIG TIME and Inwould go to less anal supermarket- I have low sugars, I am really busy - its not a crime.... duh!

Keels77 · 05/10/2017 17:40

Personally, I wouldn't do it. My dd has learnt from young that she cannot have anything until we have paid for it at the checkout. Even then, it depends on her behaviour whether she gets said item. She is just 3 now. Understands the rules. But that's just me. Every child is different. I always take a snack with me and a drink. Dd can have those or nothing. However, if another parent did give a child a bit of bread (or whatever) it wouldn't bother me. It's their life. Their rules. I don't think it's right but that's how I was brought up. We are all different and at the end of the day, if it's paid for at the end of the shop... no harm done (only morally perhaps). Not the end of the world

Shell4429 · 05/10/2017 17:42

It's technically stealing. Under contract law the item is not yours until the money has changed hands, and since the retailer has no obligation to agree to the sale you have no right to consume it until after the contract has been agreed.

cherish123 · 05/10/2017 17:42

Sorry - you are not teaching your child that sometimes you have to wait for things. No wonder there are so many children with no patience nowadays. By "French stick", do you mean a bread stick or a baguette? Just curious?