To ask what is the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you in a doctor's surgery?

[leaveitaloneforgodssake]

Someone has to make me feel better.

Today I had to go for a gynae exam. The doctor put the speculum thing in and was twiddling about for some minutes. She then asked if I had any contraceptive device fitted as something seemed to be 'in the way' of my cervix. I said no, I use a diagram but I always take it out......oh. No, it's still there. From about about a week ago (which is obviously why I had completely forgotten about it.) Ewwww. Doctor looked at me slightly bemused as I quickly removed the offending item. Two nurses were standing there too trying not to crack up. I have never felt so mortified.

I went to get a sample jar from reception. But I put my hand in the wrong box and pulled out a bagged stool sample. I had to casually return it and keep looking for the bottles!

A bee 🐝 joined me & the nurse for a smear test once. Had the duck looking clampy device already inserted & the nurse was doing the 'pretend-to-stay-calm dance' whilst telling me to relax. Obviously neither of us did very well...

I had to have a colposcopy and took my lovely mum with me as support. I reacted really badly to whatever drugs they gave me and started chatting shit to the nurse and my mum. Told them it felt just like being high (mum was so proud) and then started loudly complaining that the worst thing was that my oh and I wouldn’t be allowed to have sex for 2 months after the colposcopy. Embarrassed, my mum reassured that my lovely oh wouldn’t mind at which point I told her I wasn’t bothered about him, but what about me???!!!!!! Cringe!

I know this is mumsnet, OP but surely you don't really use a diagram for contraception! Autocorrect at its best!
Hilarious thread by the way

It still makes me laugh fifteen years on Monoblock

My poor colleague was the nicest man you could ever meet. He was MORTIFIED at having made such a stereotyped remark. He said it was the most embarrassing moment of his life.

Whenever I have a smear test the nurse can't find my cervix. I've been in there for ages with them pushing the speculum round and round, I've had to put my hands under my bum to change the angle and all sorts.
Last time the surgery fire alarm went off halfway through and we all had to traipse outside and wait.

Isthismummy......that is the funniest thing I've read in a while. Actually snorted with laughter and DS11 asked what was so funny. I obviously had to lie.

I had a third degree tear after having DD - off my head on gas and air and also had local anaesthetic for repair. Young registrar “examined” me up the bum and, in all my highness, said “I normally charge for that”

I had an infected internal haemmoroid and my bumhole felt like it was on fire and was very painful. The doctor decided to inspect me with an ultrasonic probe. As it was made of metal, it was very cool and it felt such a relief. So much so, as he lubed it up and slowly inserted it up my bum, without thinking I went “ooooohhh that’s feels bloody lovely”.

I could hardly look him in the eye.

Isthismummy mmm fried rice

After my c-section a doctor (who I had nicknamed Doogie Howser as pretending he was a precocious genius was the only way I could cope with the fact that he appeared to be so much younger than me) came and asked me if I had been passing a lot of wind.

I said, mortified, 'Oh no - has someone complained?' at which point he tried to pretend he wasn't laughing at me while explained that it was perfectly normal and they ask everyone as part of the post-surgery checks to ensure that things are progressing normally.

I also did impressions of Beavis and Butthead and Maggie Thatcher while high on gas and air before crying to the midwife that I didn't want her to go off shift because, and I quote, 'we're friends now and if I'm going to poo on a table in a room full of people I want you to be one of them'.

Naked bum dance 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Works both ways, retired doc here. Med student early 70's gyn opd, brilliant consultant, patients were put into single room, we got notes, took history, and waited turn to take RdV into room, present the case and watch his examination. With her permission the patient would then return to main area, student presents her case and what was found, in front of peers and RdV would ask what we thought he should do and then outline his plan to patient in front of the attending students.

Worked well, I learnt a lot.

Lady (I think she was a duchess) was in her nineties and had a prolapse. At the end of consultation I outlined my "plan" and RdV pointed out that I had not asked an important question and turned to her ladyship and looking through his huge glasses (any worked out who RdV be?)

"And are you still having relations with your husband?"

"Good God no, he is much too old for that sort of thing, I have a lover for that"

He looked at five medical students over the top of his glasses and raised an eyebrow as we managed to bite lower lip and not make a sound.

Haha love these!

When being induced with DS3, the induction methods were not working so I was told I’d need a stretch and sweep.
In the end I needed 3 of them, and each time I had uncontrollable wind. I proceeded to fart continuously during all 3 of them. The good thing was they didn’t make a sound, the bad thing was they smelt awful. I felt so bad for the midwife. I tried to hold them in, but was told to ‘stop tensing’ .

dratsea - that made me hoot. I think I know who RdV is - you had a pretty eminent teacher there. I've seen few doctors spoken of in quite the glowing terms he was!

@GhoulsFold don’t worry too much, my cousin is a doctor and when she was working at the walk-in centres she had an examination room shut for the day because of vaginal rotting smell ( tampons left up there too long usually) no less than 4 times in 6 months.

Once she said the poor poor lady had maggots up there ( a very unwell homeless/addict lady).

Also my most embarrassing was as a fresher at uni - I went to the medical centre to get my pill and told her I had missed a month with the move. She loudly shouted across the full waiting room as I was leaving ‘ and do try not to have sex for 7 days or it won’t work’ .... humiliating. I cried with my brand new flat mates and wish I had bloody reported her as I would do now.

Funniest - being on a shit tonne of morphine for a snapped forearm+dislocated elbow and shoulder + cracked open head ... I shouted at the nurse to get the bloody laughing elephants out of the ward because the power puff girls were trying to put on a ballet show!

32 weeks pregnant, waters had gone, the DR asks ME where my cervix is! I replied with 'I don't know, you're the doctor!

Had abnormal bleeding, dr has a poke about with a speculum, everything was going well until she made me laugh and it popped out. I was congratulated on my strong muscles... [haha]

When I was overdue with DD I attended a hospital appointment with obs consultant. I had worked with him as a student and also more recently, so was mortified anticipating that he would want to do a sweep. Luckily I don't think he recognised me.

He said he was going to examine me and to go behind the curtain, get ready and pop on the table. I went behind curtain, removed my trousers and underwear and set nyself up on couch in smear position, i.e. Ankles together, knees apart and tried to relax. He walked in and said, I was going to feel your tummy. I wanted to die!! I could hear my DH laughing behind the curtain.

When my DD was born the same consultant visited me on ward about 6 hours after she was born. I was still exhausted and felt out of it. He leaned over to see the baby and I reached up and hugged him, felt him awkwardly step back.

I will have to work with him in the future and dreading it. Hoping he doesn't remember. I'll never forget!!

I was in A&E and the nurse triarging people was doing a handover. She went around the (very busy) waiting room pointing out why everyone was there. I was there pregnant, bleeding and she said "this lady is possibly have a miscarriage right now". Everyone looked at me. It was horrible. Not just for me either, for everyone else having their ailments pointed out!

guilty He was a role model (in terms of teaching) for me. And if your guess went to Paris every fortnight for private practice you guessed right.