Aibu - how do you deal we after school meltdowns (3 weeks into reception)?

[milkyman]

My d's is enjoying school. He does however go into complete meltdown half an hour before bed. Anything can trigger it - he gets completely beyond himself and has also been hitting and screaming at me. I have an 18mth so it is very hard to deal with. I try and be calm and ensure he has lots of food and he likes to watch cbee bies after dinner. What do you do??

Feed him immediately on pick up.

Don't worry about homework if it's a stress.

Is he getting enough fresh air?

Can he go to bed half hour earlier or is that not workable. My suggestions would have been food and down time which you are doing anyway)

Food!
Is he school dinner, you may find he isn't eating much could try packed lunch instead.
No late nights on weekend
This phase does pass!

Tiredness and the emotional strain of so would be my guess. Sends them back to their toddler tactics for dealing with things. Can he do a couple of shorter days while he adjusts?

Another vote for food and early bed here. Used to feed my reception kid at 4:30 with a snack at 6 before bed to get enough calories in her.

I am serving tea at 4.30 and my just 4 yo is in bed for 5.30 now.

Yes to feeding when you pick up from school plus early dinner and if you can manage a warm bath to make him sleepy then that should ease things. DS used to get 'hangry', it was awful!

It is normal IME and will pass eventually. In a way it's a good thing because it means he is holding it together to try and get things right at school, then letting all the tension and pressure go at home. Positive in that he's probably doing great in school and also feels really safe and secure with you at home.

My DS is going through it a bit again because he's moved into KS2 and the expectations and level of independence required have increased.

I would say just ride him with it and let him get it out. I know that's difficult with your younger child around- but it may well pass quicker and be less of a drama if you are seeing it as a needed unburdening rather than naughty behaviour.

I once read a really good book about how to respond to this sort of thing- I'll see if I can dig up a link.

Food post school.

The same routine - maybe have a poster on the wall.

No tv after dinner. Tv when tired makes my dcs groggy so best avoided.

Dear Kate. We read in the papers that your LO is already sick of school and begging not to go. Glad you found Mumsnet.

:)

When my DD was in P1 (Scotland) what helped was:

*having a snack to eat on the way home.
*Walking home to get rid of pent-up energy (realise that's not feasible for everyone).
*some time to relax after school before homework. When it was only reading I often found it better to do it the next morning before school as she was more in a frame of mind for it. I have four kids so sometimes this worked better than others but she preferred it.
*Making sure she was able to eat in good time. (5pm at the very latest)
*starting the bedtime routine round 6pm so she could be asleep no later than 7pm. Time will differ for different kids. Can you get your child to bed 30mins earlier?

I sympathise. They are exhausted when they start.

This is the book I was thinking of and you may think it's a little late for it as I expect your DS is not too far off 5.

However, I remember finding the advice on how to deal with outbursts of emotion helpful. Might be worth a look.

Oops. Sorry about the odd bold bits there. Not quite sure what happened!

Thanks everyone - funnily enough I have that book so will check it out!

DS was just the same, he wasn't ready for school IMO in spite of being nearly 5. As others have said, feed him when you get home and bring bed time forward drastically. DS coped better when I put him to bed at 6pm.

Food, story, bath and no TV.

My fairly angelic children turned into monsters if given cartoons.

The screaming and hitting may need to be dealt with quite severely as this is a worrying precedent but give them a chance to see if it's 'beyond their control'. We never got to this stage but their behaviour did deteriorate when tired after school.

For us, bath time began at 5:30. Story at 6 and lights out by 6:30. Cartoons at the weekend only. That didn't change until our eldest was 8 or 9.

We get in, do his reading immediately and have tea straight away. Bath on bath night or straight into pjs.

Horrible kick offs mean he goes to his room to calm himself and we have a talk about his behaviour but he usually falls asleep on the settee before six.

More sleep, food, no tv. Reception is exhausting. It gets easier after Christmas for most.

I've got a bead reward system too. The 'Good, kind jar' and the 'penalty pot'. It's started well. If he has more beads in the good, kind jar at the end of the week he gets to choose a treat.

He's improved over the last week, since we implemented it.

My dc both found reception exhausting! I'd make dinner before I picked them up and serve it as soon as we got home. Bedtime was 7pm but sometimes earlier if they were especially tired.

My mum used to stick me in the bath as soon as I got in as it was a way of calming me.
I often took mine to the park for a quick run around and a small snack. Or 20 minutes of TV with a snack at home.

Mine's the same but starting gradually to get more used to it. We've mostly given up on eating together or else we do eat together but at silly times like 4.45! And we've brought bedtime forward and try to get him in bed by 6.45 latest where possible. Not possible every night though. TV works well for us, unlike pp, sometimes it's the only way to get him to slow down and relax.

We have this but found all piling on sofa to watch a movie and loads of cuddles has really helped. Mine just needed to relax and decompressed and have lots of physical contact.