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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - how do you deal we after school meltdowns (3 weeks into reception)?

73 replies

milkyman · 03/10/2017 18:42

My d's is enjoying school. He does however go into complete meltdown half an hour before bed. Anything can trigger it - he gets completely beyond himself and has also been hitting and screaming at me. I have an 18mth so it is very hard to deal with. I try and be calm and ensure he has lots of food and he likes to watch cbee bies after dinner. What do you do??

OP posts:
Original poster
milkyman · 03/10/2017 20:58

Thank you for the reassurance.

OP posts:
Firstaidnovice · 03/10/2017 21:03

Oh my goodness, don't let anyone upset you. You clearly weren't trying to blame behaviour issues on SN, you were responding to another poster who made an entirely irresponsible suggestion that your DS had ASD based on him having tantrums.
I reckon 95% of children that age will watch cbeebies when coming back from reception. You may find no TV helps with your particular child, but you might also find some total downtime helps.
My DD is now in year one, but our first term of reception was very similar to yours. Basically, she was working so so hard to hold it together at school, she had nothing left at home. It's a sign of a good attachment that your child feels able to just "let it all out" when they get home. Obviously long term you want them to be able to manage those emotions better, but please know it's normal, it will pass, and just hang on in there for another few weeks. And absolutely do not feel bad or worried.

ChoudeBruxelles · 03/10/2017 21:08

Hungry, thirsty, tired. Give him a drink and a snack straight after school and chill out for a bit when you get home.

Ds is 11 and has just started secondary. He’s shattered, emotional and thoroughly shitty to be around. He’s also hungry after school so has something to eat and relaxes for an hour or so after school before he’s asked to do any chores etc.

Reception kids are still so little

babyschmaby · 03/10/2017 21:08

Lowdoorinthewal1

You work in AEN and describe hitting and screaming at parents as "perfectly normal"?

Are you sure?

It isn't perfectly normal!

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 03/10/2017 21:22

Yep, shouting and lashing out is a normal part of being an overloaded, overtired 4 year old. He is losing control of himself, not targeting planned violence against his parent.

babyschmaby · 03/10/2017 21:25

All I can say is, you would be getting your term's notice at my school.

Screaming and hitting parents is not "perfectly normal" and the fact that you think it is suggests you have spent too long in AEN and not enough as a parent or in the classroom.

paxillin · 03/10/2017 21:26

Plan lazy days in pyjamas and not much else for half term. They really need it in reception.

BarbarianMum · 03/10/2017 21:26

baby you are talking nonsense.

Marcipex · 03/10/2017 21:28

Look, if tv helps him relax and unwind, then let him. How many adults watch tv to unwind?

I'd be careful it's age-appropriate and not too exciting, but I'm sure you've thought of that.

babyschmaby · 03/10/2017 21:33

@BarbarianMum

Hitting parents and screaming at them is normal?

Marcipex · 03/10/2017 21:36

Tantrums in tired four year olds are normal, yes.
No, they don't all do it, mine were quite laid back, but many do.
Starting school is a huge transition.

Busybusybust · 03/10/2017 21:38

Force feed with biscuits! Works every time!

JokesonRay · 03/10/2017 21:45

My dd's teacher recommended a tent/ cubby hole with some of her favourite toys/ books in it to ease the transition from school to home. Worked a treat!

Neolara · 03/10/2017 21:48

I used to get them home from school, turn on the tv, sit on the sofa with my arm around them for up to an hour.. Repeat for the first month or so..

Blahblahboo · 03/10/2017 21:52

I have had a very lucky ride of it for sure, not even one shop tantrum to date which is a miracle. But im sorry I still have to agree that hitting parents isnt normal for a child and it never will be. Tantrums are normal yes but violence no

SoftSheen · 03/10/2017 22:00

What worked for us was:

-Snack and drink immediately on collection from school
-20 min session in park on way home to decompress a bit
-Simple dinner (often of the pasta variety). Either drawing or CBeebies during dinner prep.
-Relaxing bath, reading and early bed (asleep by 7pm at latest)

The first term of reception is exhausting- things may get better after Christmas.

SoftSheen · 03/10/2017 22:02

I agree though that you shouldn't make any excuses for physical violence, even when a child is very tired.

Raaaaaah · 03/10/2017 22:04

I think that is normal behaviour too. Only two of mine are at school but I found that both needed some physical exercise in reception as although they were mentally and socially knackered they hadn't had enough physical exercise.

I have a son who has SEN and his physical outbursts were more pronounced but my 2nd born has no additional needs and is about as mainstream as you get but even she has hit out on occasion when in the midst of a knackered tantrum.

Ploppie4 · 03/10/2017 22:30

He’s young and adjusting to school and a new sibling. This is all within the normal realm. It will pass

BarbarianMum · 03/10/2017 22:35

Hitting out and screaming at your parents during a tantrum age four - normal

Exhaustion from starting school leading to tantrums after school - normal

MyGastIsFlabbered · 04/10/2017 06:38

I'm struggling too, not with after school meltdowns but tantrums at school. Mine don't seem to want to sleep. If he goes to bed earlier he just wakes up earlier. Trouble is 3 days a week he does to after school club until 6:30 as I work. The two days I don't work he finishes at 1. I've changed my hours at work to avoid him having to go to breakfast club too, but for me I think it's simply a case of riding it out while he adjusts. I can't quit my job (single parent - their dad is a weekends only type of dad).

Jengnr · 04/10/2017 08:04

My four year old hits and screams at me too. No SEN. He used to do it when he was little and his emotions were too big to manage. Now he's started reception he finds it hard to manage them again because he's knackered and his life has changed in such a big way overnight.

He likes school and enjoys it but it's a big change and sometimes he finds it difficult to manage himself because he's quite immture.

He acts it out on me because I'm safe. He knows I will never leave him and my love is unconditional. It's basically the shittest compliment ever. :)

He'll grow out of it and in the meantime we manage the behaviour by sending him to his room to calm down and then talking about his behaviour, the effects of that behaviour and how it has no place in our family. Once he's calmed down he is empathic and understands and is keen to make amends. It's a phase. Once he learns to deal with things it'll pass.

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