Aibu - how do you deal we after school meltdowns (3 weeks into reception)?

[milkyman]

My d's is enjoying school. He does however go into complete meltdown half an hour before bed. Anything can trigger it - he gets completely beyond himself and has also been hitting and screaming at me. I have an 18mth so it is very hard to deal with. I try and be calm and ensure he has lots of food and he likes to watch cbee bies after dinner. What do you do??

I wonder if he is going to be too early, and is still wound up from doing stuff during the day, if he knows that bath then bed is the routine, he may be upset at going to bed and want more down time, maybe let him have an extra play for a bit and tell him that it's not bed time yet.

Wow, Blahblah I couldn't disagree more! IME it sounds exactly like intro to reception normality, my older 2 were exactly the same and the youngest is following their lead this year.

It gets better after Christmas for us usually.

What works for us: limited screen time, snack on the walk home, early tea, early bed. Don't stress too much about reading books etc, maybe play word games instead if you like. Resort to bribery if necessary!

Blahblahboo

Its just that I never had that at all during reception, and to me it isn't normal. I have worked in a school dealing with all age children and the only ones who would shout and were violent were those with Asperger's or something similar. They were few and far between hence why I noticed them so much

blahblah don't be so sodding ignorant. Bugger off with your uneducated armchair diagnoses.

OP, it's incredibly common - it's a huge, exhausting change for them. Echoing everyone above, early dinner and bedtime (and patience) can work wonders.

I've found food - we've moved dinnertime earlier because DS is always super hungry at pick up - and a good dose of undivided attention works well. We've started having a drink, snack and cuddle when we get in. The cuddle usually turns into rough housing games with me which he seems to need at the moment. The evenings where we don't connect through play after school are not so great.

Power through until bedtime, ie don't spend too much time defusing tantrums, a mix of distracting while ignoring the object of the tantrum and continuing the task. For ex toddler wants another pair of pjs than the one you have prepared "oh good, you can have these ones tomorrow", then ignore any mention if it while putting the initial pjs on him yourself and when done move on to the next task.
Intense but works with my 3.5yo twins!

Blahblah, I think maybe you had a lucky ride there then. It seems to be not uncommon that children who are able to hold out together all day struggle to keep it together in the evening when they get home.

Ignore Blahblah.
Food, more food, bath, teeth, pyjamas, cuddles and story, as soon as they go downhill they are ready for bed.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm not sure limiting tv will work as it's often the only time he relaxes... I was feeling better but am now worrying about aspergers...

Wow....!

For your information I try and be the best parent I can be and give lots of love, guidance and support to my children.

Let him watch TV. It’s a phase and will pass. Mine are often like it round these transition times. And don’t crack down on him or enforce loads of sanctions. It’s a massive deal for him. Assuming behaviour at school is fine, sometimes it just a case of riding it out.

Put him to bed earlier. When dd started preschool in the afternoons her bedtime was an hour earlier than usual as shs was exhausted. Ive np doubt ds will gothe same way.

Babyshmaby - I'm actually hugely upset by your comment. It's been a tough week.

A burst of physical activity is very helpful for my DS after school- a walk / bike ride / play at the park helps him to use up the pent up energy that he doesn't use up at school (P2 in Scotland but he is still 5, isn't really into all the sitting down!). Sometimes he needs to be bribed to do it (let's ride bikes to the cafe and have a hot chocolate etc) as he feels tired, but he loves it when we get into it and it makes a difference later on in the afternoon.

And TV can be 😎 awesome!

My middle ds was one of the oldest in his year but was not ready for school. He would be good at school but as he stepped over the threshold into the playground he would go into melt down as he had used up his best behaviour for the day. He was very tired so we had early dinner and bed

The following year when he was nearly 6 he was ready for school and was a changed child.

I didn't mean to make it worse but refusal to limit their watching TV won't help IME. The opposite is true.

This won't make anything easier in the short run but as none of us have met your child, the best we can do is offer our wisdom based on experience.

Don't look to blame SN.

Remove cartoons.

Good luck

Please don't listen to babyschmaby. What you are describing is a PERFECTLY NORMAL response to starting school.

I am a specialist primary teacher in the field of ASD and behavioural difficulties.

I'm not blaming SN? I don't think he has any. I am just looking for advice on how to deal with it - the reason is tiredness. It is tough with a baby as you can't pay 100pc attention as baby is into everything.

Food on pick up. I know heaps of people have said it but do this! I still have bags of Organix rice cakes and gingerbread men and fresh water ready in the car and we're now in year one.
No TV after school made no difference for us at all so don't sweat it if it works for you. That and the odd app isn't going to hurt - some of the apps really help with mine.
I've also found clearing the room of too many toys or just having the Lego ready when he's back has helped.
Also, mine can be mentally shattered but physically not and that makes it worse. So maybe look at an after school swimming lesson if it could be that/playing in the garden a bit.
Do not worry about Asperger's. This is normal! They start school v young.
And you're obviously a good parent. You've sought advice over a worry! That shows you care! Some people are muppets.
Good luck! First term is hard. It will settle.

Both my kuds reacted to reception like this. Neither are autistic, or have special needs. What helped with us was:

• snack at the school gate
• some physical exercise
• no demands after school (no reading, spellings etc, did these in the morning instead)
• lots of tv
• very early dinner and bed

Ds1 has just started secondary and we are having the same exhaustion- luckily at 11 he's capable of dealing with it better but the golden triangle of food, sleep and chilling with screens is once again helping.

milky ignore the goady fuckers. They're bored.
Your son is still very little in the grand scheme of things. School is a big deal and I think we can underestimate what a massive transition it is, plus we don't know what they've done all day in as much detail as you might do if they'd been at preschool or nursery and you had a key worker to ask. That's what I'm finding anyway.
My son is autistic but he has transitioned very well compared to how I thought he would. Things that seem to work for him are:
-A snack on the way home. I really try to remember something every day, nothing fussy just an apple or something.
-Chill out/choosing time when he gets home. I'm not fussed if he has some tv. He's been at school all day, he's four years old, if he wants some Go Jetters it's no big deal. Other days he'll play with his little sister for a bit or run around the garden. The point is it's up to him, it's his time for him to be in control of.
-Dinner at 5 and then get his reading done and bed time starts at 6. They're both in bed for 6.45/7 and sleep till 6.30-7

I don't ask what he did at school as that seems to annoy him, maybe because he cant remember as there's a lot going on. I say something like "I missed you today!" or "I hear you had P.E.! Was it fun?" And he'll actually offer up information rather than just say "I dunno".

Hang in there, it's still early days.