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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends mum evicting her from home ..who is being unreasonable?

123 replies

Whatloversdo34 · 03/10/2017 18:10

6 years ago my friends mum took out a mortgage for a property and my friend moved in with her family in the understanding she paid £450 a month to her mother and her mother paid the mortgage ..once it was all paid the house would b signed over to my friend.

15 months ago my friend fell out with her mother and stopped paying rent.
She now owes her mother £8600.
Her mother has been in touch with solicitor and has been issued with eviction notice.
If she doesn't leave (which she won't) her mum will be taking her to court and she will be evicted (probably take 4 months)
Who's in the wrong?
Her mother would see her daughter on the street with 2 kids.
My friend has spent £7000 on new kitchen/bathroom.
The last year she has been able to afford holidays /lovely house decor (obviously as she isn't paying rent)
Who is being unreasonable ?

OP posts:

Maelstrop · 03/10/2017 19:36

Of course it's your friend. As a pp said, you stop paying your rent/mortgage, you get evicted, tough.

titchy · 03/10/2017 19:37

So your friend has bad credit - wonder why

Why is your friends mother bad for putting her daughter 'on the street' but your friend isn't bad for putting HER kids on the street? (Not that she'll end up on the street of course.)

DoubleDinghyRapids · 03/10/2017 19:37

Her landlord has been lenient in leaving it two years before taking her to court, falling out with your landlord doesn’t mean to don’t have to pay your rent anymore. It also doesn’t mean you sound thousands on stuff for a home you dint own and decide it’s in leu of rent either (did she even have landlords permission to replace kitchen?).

The children’s parents chose to stop paying rent, they chose holidays and luxury kitchens rather than make sure their children’s home is secure? They have made their children homeless, nobody else. Poor children.

User02 · 03/10/2017 19:42

I have read this with great interest because I am in a similar position to the mother.
I have put up money and was being repaid for a while. Suddenly the money stopped. It has been 9 months or so now. I am not being spoken to unless something is wanted.

It does not matter if the mother is a multi millionaire, the rent should have been paid. Had the bank repossessed the house it would have been much sooner. I dont see why the mother's financial position needs to be discussed, it is the mother's private financial affairs. I think the fact that the mother is assumed to be good the daughter thinks she can get away with anything.
I hope the mother does not take the family into stay at her house. This would leave the mother open to much more financial abuse.
We do not know the age of the mother. This could have a significant effect on how this is viewed. Financially abusing a pensioner is not a nice trait.
I hope the mother realises that she should never be financially involved with the daughter son in law and perhaps even in the future the grandchildren. They will learn financial dealings from the parents.
Poor Mother
Daughter is VVVVVVV in the wrong to the young and older.

SeraphinaDombegh · 03/10/2017 19:43

Wow. Clearly your friend IB MASSIVELY U. In fact, if a friend of mine treated any landlord like this, let ALONE their own mother, I'd be reconsidering my friendship with them. She has nobody to blame but herself.

Benedikte2 · 03/10/2017 19:44

I have a friend who was in much the same position as the DM. DD, boyfriend and their DD were rented the family home for a modest sum ( to cover the mortgage but all other outgoings paid by DM. Then they just decided to stop paying rent and refused all attempts to communicate. Fortunately left after they received a solicitor's letter. Friend was heartbroken. Eventually DD apologised and blamed the situation on BF but the trust isn't there any more.
I think some DC get it into their heads that their parents are wealthy, can afford it, not realising that they have/are working hard to provide for retirement and don't have a lot of disposable income.
In this case the DM may be cash strapped despite having businesses and anyway does not deserve to have her good deed thrown back in her face. Maybe a little housing hardship will make the friend realise the error of her ways.

Miserylovescompany2 · 03/10/2017 19:48

Almost 9 grand in unpaid rent! Your friend needs to give her head a serious wobble - if that was my dd, she'd of found herself served papers much sooner...

She'll be housed by the council, most likely with somewhere very basic in a not very nice area. Maybe then she'll appreciate what a good thing she once had?

ssd · 03/10/2017 19:52

Sooooo...... basically your friend, her husband and 2 kids lived in a house costing them only £450 a month and after a fall out with her mum she just stopped paying mum, stayed on there rent free and spent the £450 a month on holidays and house decor?

you said you can see both sides, can you explain that further cos there's only one side to this from what i see.

Mamabear4180 · 03/10/2017 19:59

Your friend is an absolute tit and has brought this situation on herself. As her friend you were hopefully advising her all along to pay her rent so she wouldn't be in this situation?

buckeejit · 03/10/2017 20:04

As all pps have said, your friend is a dick, whichever way you cut the pie. Presumably there was no agreement that if she spent £7k on a kitchen it would be offset against rent? Your friend needs to talk to council if she can't find a private landlord, (assume most would want a reference

ArbitraryName · 03/10/2017 20:24

I'd be inclined to believe that your friend was giving you the version in which she looks best. And if this is the rose tinted version, imagine what her mother's side of the story is...

Ellie56 · 03/10/2017 20:29

Your friend is completely in the wrong here. Surely you can see that? Her mum is still having to pay the mortgage and the £450 from your friend would have been going to help pay that mortgage off.

Since your very very unreasonable friend has now reneged on her financial responsibilities and stopped paying the rent, Mum will be having to find another £450 a month to pay the mortgage out of her own money. She may be struggling to do that.

Friend is behaving appallingly and if she and her children are homeless it is entirely her own fault. I think her mother has been very generous. Presumably she left serving the eviction notice so long because she hoped friend would see sense. Friend needs to grow up and pay up.She'd have had the eviction notice a lot sooner if it had been any other landlord.

Charolais · 03/10/2017 20:29

I bet they fell out because the daughter refused to pay the rent.

Ellie56 · 03/10/2017 20:33

What is your friend's reason for not paying the rent OP?

SemiNormal · 03/10/2017 20:39

Your friend is unreasonable. Hell would freeze over before I'd fuck my mother over financially, no matter what she did to me I'd NEVER fuck up her finances.

Gingernaut · 03/10/2017 20:42

Your friend is being unreasonable.

If she fell out with her mum and couldn't bring herself to pay rent, then she should have moved out.

Sponging off her mother and then playing the victim, emotionally blackmailing her with her grandkids is just vile.

STRONGandSTABLE · 03/10/2017 20:46

Seems your friend is suffering from 'entitlement syndrome'. Bad news for her. She has no right to decide how anyone spends their money and if the mother chooses not to have a non-paying tenant then that is the mother's right. I am sure if your 'friend' was a good daughter and mother she would have made sure she would not fall into rent arrears.

You say the mother is wealthy but that does not mean that her daughter has the right to decide how that wealth is spent. She could have a decent paying tenant in this house without the stress that she obviously gets from this woman you call a friend. Your friend sounds like an A1 brat.

RunningOutOfCharge · 03/10/2017 20:47

And her partners.....

FuzzyCustard · 03/10/2017 21:05

There is a big part of me hopes the mother leaves the house to the local Cats' Home (or other deserving cause) in her will.

User02 · 03/10/2017 21:08

FuzzyCustard that would be my view too.
She the daughter has really messed up
Hope the Mother is strong

ButchyRestingFace · 03/10/2017 21:15

Are you the mother, OP?

If so, I hope it's a nice, value adding bathroom.

Cracklesfire · 03/10/2017 21:22

I can only see one side to this - I'm struggling to even imagine what the two sides would be. Even if her mother turned out to be a vile human being she could've moved out instead. It's been her choice not to pay rent and the consequences are entirely her doing.

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/10/2017 22:37

My god. Imagine having a house to live in - a house! - for £450 a month and pissing it away!

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