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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School lateness reception

66 replies

lilly0 · 03/10/2017 11:20

My dd is 4 just turned 4 actually so under school age. I have narcolepsy just been diagnosed so trying to tweak medicines I take my medication 3 times per day , I very much struggle to wake up I get sleep inertia where I feel very groggy , I have multiple alarm clocks which I can turn off in my sleep , DD obviously can't wake herself up so it's down to me she has been late a number of times already 4 times, I also work school sent me a letter about her lateness I talk to the school support worker about my issues and they know about my illness but still sent me a letter.

I am still having teething problems with my medications and waking up but I have fully engaged with school and I have been working with my neurologist aibu to think that sending me letters is unfair when DD is under compulsory school age and I have a genuine illness ?

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 03/10/2017 11:23

Could you put a cute alarm clock in DD's room and explain what it's for and when it wakes her up to come and get you?

Sirzy · 03/10/2017 11:26

Are you a single parent?

Could a friend or relative come and help with the mornings for now?

You need to work with people to find an answer because being regularly late isn’t ideal so instead of getting annoyed look for support.

Original poster
lilly0 · 03/10/2017 11:26

That is a really good idea thank you

OP posts:
iamUberA · 03/10/2017 11:26

It's probably an automated letter that is sent once you are a certain amount of times late.

I get attendance letters but ignore them as its because dd has to leave school early 3 days a week and can be late a couple of times a week.

SquidgeyMidgey · 03/10/2017 11:27

If your DD is in school then the rules apply, being under age doesn't mean you can pick and choose the rules. Persistent lateness is disruptive to the child, the teacher and the whole class. That said, I would have hoped for some understanding while you settle your meds. Do you not have any family nearby who could help for a short time? Is DD's dad not around?

iamUberA · 03/10/2017 11:28

But yes I'd try the alarm thing if I were you, or get yourself one of those alarms that pop apart and needs putting back together

ijustwannadance · 03/10/2017 11:33

Would it get you up if your alarm clock was left outside your bedroom so you actually had to get out of bed to switch it off?

Timeywimey8 · 03/10/2017 11:36

Do you have a friend or family member who'd be willing to phone you every morning?

I think there are also services that you can program to call your landline to wake you up. If you actually have to get out of bed to go to a ringing phone it might do the trick.

SquidgeyMidgey · 03/10/2017 11:37

You will get there, like you say you're just settling your meds. Please don't go the route of getting DD an alarm and making it her job to wake you, that's so unfair and possibly frightening for a child.

Original poster
lilly0 · 03/10/2017 11:41

DDs dad has to work away and my parents live far away. I'm going to try the alarm clock for DD I'm really really trying, I care about her education DD is doing really well with reading spelling and maths her language skills are amazing she isn't behind at all. Its just annoying I have tried to engage and explain my difficulties I was hoping for a little leeway. I am seriously thinking about home education this year until she reaches five.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 03/10/2017 11:43

Do you work? How do you get to work on time?

Why not move the alarm clock to the other side of the room so you can't turn it off without getting out of bed?

Scroobius · 03/10/2017 11:44

Don't worry about the letters, they'll be automated and sent to anyone who has so many lates/absences registered regardless of what school actually think.

Herechickychicky · 03/10/2017 11:45

Can you change what time you take your ends, maybe take them earlier in the evening so they are further through your system by morning?

And put some more alarm clocks on the landing?

Or get your DH to ring you repeatedly from wherever he is?

Thing is you're going to have to find a solution. I dont think the school would be doing your little one any favours if they just allowed things to continue as they are.

WineAndTiramisu · 03/10/2017 11:47

Try one of these...

www.boredpanda.com/20-annoyingly-creative-alarm-clocks/

FridayFreddo · 03/10/2017 11:49

It's really disruptive for a class if a child is regularly late. They're not registered as present, they miss out on assembly (or have to go in late), they miss the start of the first lesson (if it's PE or something, that's especially inconvenient). The teacher has to repeat info she's already told the class just for the late dc. The dc might miss choosing school dinners, etc.

And it's not good for the child, either! Many dc hate being late for things.

Agree with asking a friend to help, and also get your dc on board with waking you.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 03/10/2017 11:52

Bear in mind that if you choose to home educate her until she is five, it may be that you are not able to have a place at the school in the future.

Would that be difficult for you?

SockEatingMonster · 03/10/2017 11:53

I get worried by the way that the compulsory age for starting school(/education) is becoming increasingly irrelevant. Mine are both in juniors now, but I remember filling in a holiday form when my eldest was in the school NURSERY and getting a letter back saying it was declined (we went anyway). Same thing happened the following year when he was in Reception, but still under compulsory starting age.

Another parent wanted to either delay her premature, June-born DS's start until the term after he turned 5. The school said he needed to start full time in September or his place would be given to another child. It's a village primary, not an urban primary with overlapping catchments. There was no where else locally for him to go.

Sorry, no useful advice at all, but I wonder how long it will be before a September Reception start is mandatory and Nursery becomes the 'new' Reception.

AshleyAsparagus · 03/10/2017 11:54

Who looks after your DD in the mornings until you do wake up?

Original poster
lilly0 · 03/10/2017 11:55

I'm not late for work I have flexible hours because of my condition I think I'm going to ask narcolepsy UK for advice probably they will have some ideas.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilly0 · 03/10/2017 11:57

DD is asleep herself so she doesn't need looking after. I think perhaps she has the same condition won't know for sure until she is older she will happily sleep from 7 until 10 if left to it.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 03/10/2017 11:58

Bear in mind that if you choose to home educate her until she is five, it may be that you are not able to have a place at the school in the future.

Or that you can't wake up to educate her. It sounds like school is a great place for her, where she is thriving. Removing her because of difficulties getting to school on time would sound like a backwards step.

But try not to think about it as being "unfair" to you. It's not about you. It's about DD. And that can work in your favour: there may be resources available to you because of her which you couldn't get without her.

At 4 she should still have a Health Visitor. Do you have a good relationship with that team? If so you could ask for a visit to discuss how your health needs are impacting on her and whether there are any services available to help, potentially even a carer to get into your house in the morning and make sure you and DD are ready to leave the house at 8.30 or whatever is required.

Sirzy · 03/10/2017 11:59

If you work how would home ed help anyway?

gnushoes · 03/10/2017 12:03

Sounds like your daughter having an alarm in her room might be perfect - unless she's got narcolepsy too! Of course it won't scare her having to wake you - little kids like to help their parents and that sounds like your best option. Good luck!

BakedBeans47 · 03/10/2017 12:04

I appreciate your difficulties but it’s really important your daughter gets to school on time. My children have only ever been late for school on a tiny number of occasions and it happens when the school bus is late and my youngest in particularly finds it really upsetting to be late, not to mention potential disruption to the office and class. I know it must be really hard but they aren’t BU IMO.

Original poster
lilly0 · 03/10/2017 12:06

She is thriving because of me I put the effort in to read to her and teach her to write , count , teach her about things she asks about quite often she will play on the iPad at school or watch YouTube . I might be "disabled" and late for things but I care about her education. The carer wake up is a good idea I might have to see how much that will cost

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