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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Monster in law problems

98 replies

ThaiRedCurry · 01/10/2017 11:28

I admit I don't get along with my MIL we constantly argue and don't see eye to eye. She has taken DD out for a couple of hours (DD is 4 months old). I was absolutely horrified when I went to put the car seat in my MIL car. It was a total disgusting mess, dog hair everywhere and items all over the place including a bike not tied down. I chose to ignore but what really rattled my cage is that the dog was in the boot. The dog is unpredictable I've seen him pounce on people before admittedly he only has ever grabbed their clothes and not bitten anyone but I still don't like the dog being loose in the car. Should I say something to MIL like suggest that I pay for a dog grate for the car incase the dog decided to jump over and attack my baby?? Or should I just leave it. I'm maybe a little over the top as my sister was bitten by a family friends dog when she was 16, it really made a mess of her face.

OP posts:

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 01/10/2017 22:05

Does the dirty car matter is baby rolling round in it licking it? No. Forget that.

But the dog? Even the best trained calmest dog can never be 100% trusted but one that has been seen to be aggressive?? No way.

Op think of the headline, baby killed by family pet... Mil said he never hurt a fly.

Op mon of them do until it's too late, baby won't get another chance

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 01/10/2017 22:08

The problem is though even if she doesn't take the dog in the car will she be safe alone with the dog at home? I don't think so

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 01/10/2017 22:13

Op put yourself in the mindset of you baby. How does he feel when mummy hands him over and leaves him with a dangerous dog he can't protect himself from and granny doesn't care because she is gaga over the beast? If your baby could talk to you what would he say?

DJBaggySmalls · 01/10/2017 22:19

Dont leave your child with people who are clueless about basic safety. If anything preventable happened you'd never forgive yourself.
I'd use a dog seat belt but not next to a child seat. Its not just unrestrained or untrained dogs that are lethal. If there is an accident and the dog is wearing a seatbelt, even the safest most trustworthy dog will be in a state of panic or fear and can lash out.
Its just not worth the risk.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/10/2017 06:44

I totally agree with what Gold said. You are not the issue. It is your mil. Well done for sending the message. Next time, don’t start with “I hope I haven’t hit a nerve but...” it’s giving her amuntion to treat you like a child and her as the matriarch. And don’t appease beyond “I’m sorry you feel this way and it won’t affect our decision.” You are a mother in your own right and her equal. You decide what is best for your child. Not her. She had her time. Now it is your turn.

ImageQueen · 02/10/2017 07:58

@BertandRussell
A very sweeping statement!
I have plenty of dogs and my house is cleaner than many that don't have dogs.

OnTheRise · 02/10/2017 08:18

Good grief. Don't let your baby ride in a car with an unrestrained dog, even one which isn't unpredictable.

Just refuse. Don't let it happen again. I don't care what the fallout is, your baby's life is more important, surely?

Elendon · 02/10/2017 09:12

I can't even begin to imagine the mindset of someone who would put their precious grandchild in a car with loose objects and an unrestrained dog. Totally irresponsible behaviour.

And everything Gold said.

Original poster

ThaiRedCurry · 02/10/2017 14:16

Just to let you know MIL wasn't impressed. She ignored my text totally and is now being rude to me. My DP has rang me (I work away 2 days a week) and told me to get some respect for his parents. I don't think she's told him the full story by the sound of it!!

OP posts:

pigeondujour · 02/10/2017 14:53

I hope you told him fuck them and fuck him too. How dare he.

Elendon · 02/10/2017 14:54

Tell your DP to get some respect for his own family, you and his child.

Ignore the rudeness. She obviously is a sandwich short of a picnic to behave like that.

CatsOclock · 02/10/2017 14:56

You need to sort this out with your DP. It will help you greatly to have him on side.

How is she being rude to you?

CatsOclock · 02/10/2017 15:01

Just to let you know MIL wasn't impressed.

Just to let you know, I'm not impressed with her!!!! And I'm not the only one.

This phrase is so weighted. It conveys a sense of superiority and entitlement.

Fuck that!!

Seriously, YOU'RE THE MUM HERE!!!!!! (Not shouting, just making the point.)

Don't kowtow. You need to make it clear that you're the one who's unimpressed here!!

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2017 15:06

Protect your baby.
If she can't see that an unsecured dog and bike in the car are a hazard then she can't ever take your child out or see them unsupervised. Ever.
DP needs to put the welfare of his child first.

Goldmandra · 02/10/2017 15:55

If being respectful to your PILs involves putting your DD at risk of significant harm, they are going to have to live without that respect and your DH needs to get his priorities sorted.

You have been perfectly respectful. Respect does not involve allowing people to do whatever they like with your baby.

I experienced this when my DD1 was a baby. My DM thought it was disrespectful of me to ask her to discuss introducing new foods with me in advance. DD1 had quite few allergies and this mattered. I stood my ground and she got over herself.

Original poster

ThaiRedCurry · 02/10/2017 16:51

She was fine with me when she dropped off. She rang DP today after ignoring my text and said she thought it was rude that I left her a list (about changing baby, dummies etc) I leave my parents the same list as I like things being done a certain way. He's rang me and had a go. It's not even about dog grate now she's just finding an excuse to come between my partner and I

OP posts:

Xocaraic · 02/10/2017 17:05

If she babysits or cares for your baby and doesn't do what you want, don't fight with your spouse about it. Speak about it and work as a team to tackle it. You need to explain to him there is a lifetime of this ahead and you both need to be singing off the same hymn sheet. Set the rules for your baby now and you won’t ever have to limit time with his Folks.

It's a tricky situation, but work as a team.

SpringTown46 · 02/10/2017 18:13

Are you married?

DartmoorDoughnut · 02/10/2017 18:23

"Look DP your DM placed or DD in a dangerous situation. You need to respect me as your partner and mother of your child and defend me to your DPs not attack me for looking after our DD you utter prick"

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2017 18:24

If she doesn't like the list then she doesn't have to have the baby. I wouldn't be sending a baby off if I wanted things done my way and couldn't trust her.
But calling her monster in law IS disrespectful. Maybe it's less what you say and more how you do it.
Getting in between you. No decent DP would allow that. Maybe you have a DP problem as much as a mother in law one.

Nanny0gg · 02/10/2017 18:26

she's just finding an excuse to come between my partner and I

Only if he's allowing it.

Hollyhop17 · 02/10/2017 18:35

Your partner sounds bloody awful. Please stand your ground. I would never allow my baby in a car with a dog, never.

Goldmandra · 03/10/2017 17:03

How's it going, OP?

FWIW, as a registered childminder, I wouldn't look after a child I wasn't well accustomed to caring for without some written information about routine, preferred ways of settling, expected feeding times, etc.

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