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Original poster

Monster in law problems

98 replies

ThaiRedCurry · 01/10/2017 11:28

I admit I don't get along with my MIL we constantly argue and don't see eye to eye. She has taken DD out for a couple of hours (DD is 4 months old). I was absolutely horrified when I went to put the car seat in my MIL car. It was a total disgusting mess, dog hair everywhere and items all over the place including a bike not tied down. I chose to ignore but what really rattled my cage is that the dog was in the boot. The dog is unpredictable I've seen him pounce on people before admittedly he only has ever grabbed their clothes and not bitten anyone but I still don't like the dog being loose in the car. Should I say something to MIL like suggest that I pay for a dog grate for the car incase the dog decided to jump over and attack my baby?? Or should I just leave it. I'm maybe a little over the top as my sister was bitten by a family friends dog when she was 16, it really made a mess of her face.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 01/10/2017 12:06

The family relationship is irrelevant. A loose dog in the car is a complete non starter, whoever is driving.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/10/2017 12:06

Both you and your child need to stay away from MIL as of now; she is not an emotionally healthy person to be around in any case. She was not a good parent to her son (just look at how he has turned out; he has become her golden child and is also mired in his own FOG too) and she will be a crap example of a grandmother to your child.

EmeraldIsle100 · 01/10/2017 12:10

It is apparent that she is really getting to you to the extent that you couldn't face taking her on. It might be time to stop pretending to have a relationship with her. I haven't been in your position but I think I would insist on her coming to yours when she wants to see DD. The unpredictable dog would seal the deal for me.

bottlesandcans · 01/10/2017 12:13

Your fault for being spineless and allowing your DD to go in the car.
Your responsibility when she gets hurt.

If you feel like 'mummy's golden boy' wouldn't stand up to his mother if his child were in danger I suggest you rethink having children with him. You sound truly nasty.

yumchoc · 01/10/2017 12:17

I maybe wrong but it's it all he law all dogs should be restrained while traveling in the car
Absolutely not do not let MIl do anything your not comfortable with
There's no wear in hell I could let anyone take my little one out in a car with possible items falling on them or a dog even if it was perfectly behaved

Zaphodsotherhead · 01/10/2017 12:19

Even a perfectly behaved dog can kill someone if it's unrestrained. In the event of an accident it will be thrown through the car, just like an unrestrained person would be.

EllaHen · 01/10/2017 12:22

Eh ...? Nobody took either of my babies out at 4 months. Let alone in a car with a loose bike and an unrestrained dog. Jesus Christ. Please start protecting your child.

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2017 12:23

Son is golden boy so he wouldn't dare criticise mummy darlings car!

Even though there is an unpredictable dog in it, that in your own words you're worried might jump over and attack his 4 month old daughter?

Jesus, both of you need to grow a backbone here for the baby's sake.

BertrandRussell · 01/10/2017 12:29

"Eh ...? Nobody took either of my babies out at 4 months."

That's not the point- people are different about this. There should be no difference about the dog, though.

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2017 12:29

You must be young. Why do you let your MIL control you. One day, your child is not going to take you seriously either if you keep letting your MIL walk all over you.

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2017 12:34

And no, you should not have to pay for the crate unless MIL feels she is being used as a free babysitter for you that made her feel entitled to say this to you. It just means she doesn’t care about your baby. Are you afraid of your husband? Is this why you feel you have to let your MIL take your four months old baby?

BertrandRussell · 01/10/2017 12:38

"You must be young. Why do you let your MIL control you. One day, your child is not going to take you seriously either if you keep letting your MIL walk all over you."

This is not the point. She may or may not be controlling- I know plenty of bonkers dog people who just would not see the unrestrained dog as a problem. Which is why the OP has to tell her that she will not allow her child to be in the car with the dog, Ever. Don' t be sidetracked by the car being dirty, or all the nasty "mummy's golden boy" stuff. The dog is the immediate problem.

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2017 12:41

She seem to have a lot of problems with her MIL before the dog. I think the dog was the final straw. For a MIL ask to buy a grate if she doesn’t like it is very disrespectful toward the mother’s feelings

BertrandRussell · 01/10/2017 12:42

"Is this why you feel you have to let your MIL take your four months old baby?"

Lots of people are perfectly happy with people-especially close family- taking babies out for a while. Focus on the important things.

greendale17 · 01/10/2017 12:42

A bike not tied down? I would concerned about that. Potential to do a lot of damage even in a minor crash

C8H10N4O2 · 01/10/2017 12:43

bottlesandcans You sound truly nasty

You sound remarkably judgemental.

BertrandRussell · 01/10/2017 12:43

"For a MIL ask to buy a grate if she doesn’t like it is very disrespectful toward the mother’s feelings"

She didn't.

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2017 12:46

I totally understand some people let other take newborn babies but she seem to have a lot of issues with her MIL. If I have issues with my MIL, I would not let her take my baby because she is not respectful to my concerns.

RoryItsSnowing · 01/10/2017 12:48

Your husbands the problem if he won't say anything to her despite your daughter being potentially at risk. I wouldn't let her babysit again until she sorted things out.

EllaHen · 01/10/2017 12:48

Bertrand - my point was that it is perfectly fine for op to make decisions about her baby. I may have made my point badly. And perhaps I'm explaining it badly now.

I wanted to encourage op to feel she is allowed, nae expected, to be in charge of her child's safety.

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2017 12:49

Ok I missed it where she was going to suggest so never mind but my post still stand

Mix56 · 01/10/2017 12:50

If her car & house are filthy you just have to say I'm sorry but my baby cannot go in this shit tip. & I do not trust your dog.
You don't like her. She is putting your baby in danger whether at home or in the car, with this dog.
Why have you let her take the baby?
When she gets back you say, Thank you but there won't be a next time, unless the dog is left at home & the car is clean & safe.

blueberrypie0112 · 01/10/2017 12:52

I mean she struggle to say something to her MIL about the dog tells me she doesn’t really trust her MIL

BertrandRussell · 01/10/2017 12:52

Don't be sidetracked by dirt.

The dog is the issue. Bonkers dog people will do anything to take the attention away from dog as danger. Don't let her,

Goldmandra · 01/10/2017 12:53

The OP has come on here to get a sense of perspective because she doesn't get on with her MIL and she was concerned that was affecting her judgement. There's no need to lay into her to tell her the answer.

OP, you need to have faith in your ability to make these judgements for your own child. If you don't think a situation is safe, you have every right to put a stop to it.

Tell your MIL and your DH that your DD will not be travelling in a car with unsecured objects around her and a loose dog. Either MIL sorts out the car and gets a crate/harness for the dog or your DD doesn't go in her car.

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