To be annoyed at DP family while on holiday

[Chocolatteandbiscuits]

Bit of a rant so sorry if I ramble a bit.

I'm fairly upset, we are now 5 days into a 2 week holiday at Disneyworld with DP, our DS1, his parents, his 2 Dsis and 1 of Dsis partner. It's for his mum's 60th birthday.

It wasn't a cheap holiday and we paid a lot of money plus spending money to come here, which we had to work and save hard for. His parents really wanted us to come as it was the last time they were coming out here. DP told me his parents said they would help us with our DS as it would be tiring and long days.

So anyway day 5 we had no help on the 9 hr flight, they sat in front watching films, eating, sleeping. While me and DP tried our hardest to entertain. And we have had no help what so ever since we got here. We have stayed in every night for take away while they all go out. They will not wait for us to or DS to get ready. They insisted no rushing but rush. When we have asked to watch DS for 1 night when he's asleep no one can give us a clear answer. Or they say they will but then don't.

All we want is 1 or 2 nights where we can go for an actual meal or go shopping. AIBU to say is that too much to ask?

Also I know people might say why did you go, but my DP mum really guilt tripped him into coming and made him think we would have help with our DS. We thought with 5 other people someone might help.

Least my DS is having fun which is the main thing!

Sound shit. But very like my holiday with the in laws. My parents are the complete opposite and I find the in laws hard to deal with. Poor you.

Just ignore the in-laws and get with enjoy your holiday with your kids . Do what you want all want do . Don't meet up with ilaws have meals with them . They just other people on holiday. And get on with it .

That's bad. If I were a family member i would prob relish the chance to sit in one night. Disneyworld is exhausting. I think they care being incredibly selfish. Ask outright, give a specific night
See them squirm out of it and call them on it!

Agree with Twitching.

It is shit but this is obviously how it's going to be so I would be making a conscious decision to adjust my expectations so I didn't spend the rest of the holiday feeling frustrated and resentful. I agree with Twitching, ignore what they're up to and do your own thing as though just you, DH and DS had gone away. Try to enjoy what time is left in spite of them

What age is your DS?

They will not wait for us to or DS to get ready.

Cant you just go out with DS once you are ready?

Why are you staying in for takeout? Just get readyand go out. Have a couple of days where you just get on with it. Assuming no major SN you and your DP should be able to manage him between you so whilst I know its frustrating they reneged on their , you'd go on hiday alone with DP and DS so just view it like tbat

Thanks twitching. Me and DP have had a chat and said we now are not going to go by what they say as they don't include us in the chat of what we are doing that day. We will have to be with them next Tuesday as we have booked things to do and it's his DM birthday.

his he's now had a small moan to 1 Dsis and she's offered to looked after DS , not sure if it will happen. We will see.

laguna he's 15 months and has a milk and soya allergy so it's not easy eating out with him.

astro we do by the time we get there they stay for a hour or 2 as they have already don't what they wanted and then leave us.

sleeping we have take out as it's hard to find our DS things to eat out here so we cook for him in the villa

Chocolate I am sorry you are not enjoying your holiday.

"...we have had no help what so ever since we got here." That is a shame, does your dh agree his is not on, could you ask for help? As you were promised help. Is your child particular demanding?

"We have stayed in every night for take away while they all go out." Why?

"They will not wait for us to or DS to get ready. They insisted no rushing but rush. When we have asked to watch DS for 1 night when he's asleep no one can give us a clear answer. Or they say they will but then don't." I think you cannot force them, annoying as this is. But you can maybe make it clear now, or later, you will not be holidaying with them again.

"All we want is 1 or 2 nights where we can go for an actual meal or go shopping. AIBU to say is that too much to ask?"

No you are not being unreasnable because you went on holiday expecting this. But I would say when dh and I went to Disneyland Paris we took the kids, (then aged 5 and 10) and we did everything with them, if we went to the shops, we all went, if we went for food, all of us went.

"...my DP mum really guilt tripped him into coming and made him think we would have help with our DS. We thought with 5 other people someone might help." So sadly you now know that they are willing to lie to get their own way. Just make sure your dh knows that you feel hurt by this and won't be doing any family holidays again.

"Least my DS is having fun which is the main thing!" It really is a good thing.

Can you not take ds with you in the evening?

Ah I see the food allergy, he is young enough you could take food for him to a restaurant, just explain it is special for him.

Good luck, enjoy what you can.

Sounds a bit shit of the family... I'm sorry it's not working out as you thought- is it possible to get a babysitter for a couple of nights are you can go out

I think it shit that you have had to save and spend money on a holiday that would of been so much better in a few years. I do wonder if the promise was exaggerated by your DH as a selling point to get you to agree.

That's rude, I would feel awful if I was a family member and knew you were sat in every night while we went out for dinner. Could you feed DS at home and then go out or take something for him with you? Or could you and your DH take turns in staying in?

But agree, you paid for this holiday and they aren't cooperating, so I think you should get on as if it were your own holiday and ignore them - go off and do your own thing with DS and don't rush around after PIL

Restaurants around Disney and international drive are great with allergies much better than this country, I'm sorry but you should never assume people will help, its nice if they will. you should have rented your own car and done your own thing

It's day 5 of 2 weeks - don't waste anymore of your holiday trying to fit in with the family - treat it as if you had come alone and enjoy it.

Out for meals -pp is right, prepare/make your ds a meal at home to take to the restaurant for the nights you want to eat out; stay in for the rest

Days - tell the family you can't keep up with their schedule with ds so it's best you do your own thing and meet up back at the villa later

Tell the family that you would appreciate 2 evenings over the next 10 days to go out without ds for shopping and a meal. Ask which night this week they can do the first one.

I feel for you - we went for a week with in laws a few years ago, we actually saw family friends out there who said 'oh you're so lucky having babysitters on tap, bet you're out every night whilst grandma and grandad enjoy their grandchildren (15 months and almost 5 at the time) - nopey nopes.... the INE NIGHT DH asked if they'd mind his mum said 'oh I SUPPOSE so if you must' - we got home to find her drunk and crying about wanting XYZ from her life all of which they can easily do as they've got plenty of money but don't actually do anything about and my DD wet the bed - first time in years because they hadn't brushed her teeth and had a wee before bed - I'm SURE my in laws can't bare having my kids around - I don't ask for help anymore ... when husband does (usually if I'm away for a weekend with friends for a break) they Moan about it 'oh we're only here because flumpy is away' ....eeerrr no, you're here because your son doesnt suck it up and cope with it a day or two like I do if he's away with work or with mates - besides which enjoy your son and grandchildren
Argh - so yes I feel your pain

" I'm sorry but you should never assume people will help"

She didn't assume - they offered. It's not at all unreasonable to expect at least some accommodation by them when they said they would help out.

I third eating out anyway either take dS food (he's so young no one will mind) or feed him first then take him and eat yourselves. Everywhere is so child friendly out there. Also- if your doing parks and stuff arrive late chill in villa in morning then go do what you want and eat in/ near parks. Maximum time away from the crazies. I NEVER believe when people say 'we'll help' they often have best intention but never do. Enjoy the rest of your hols and lesson learned.

What sort of help do you need for one DC that two adults (you and your dh) can't do?

We did disney world with my parents, dbro and sil, me, dh, dd (8) and ds (1).

Ds has allergies and its quite easy to eat out there. Often we would feed ds before we went and let him pick at bits off our plates. There is no need to stay in.

In a large group you really need to do your own thing. I find it odd that you say they dont wait for you or involve you in the converstation.

Do you think thats theirs perspective? Perhaps their perspective is that while you they say 'no rush' you are taking ages to get ready and they are a bit fed up of waiting around.

Do they feel you arent getting involved with plan making and then clearly unhappy with plans.

With a big group we had a chat every evening. Everyone said what they wanted to do the next day. If plans worked out that we all wanted to do something. We did it together. Sometimes people would move what they wanted to do to another day, sometimes not.

I dont recall anyone babysitting. But then i didnt really exepct it. I wouldnt go on holiday with the view that the other people would be helping out. 2 adults on a flight for one child is plenty.

And to be fair it seems its your dp who told you his parents would help out. Not them. Thats not really his decision to make.

I don't understand why a 60 year old woman would want to celebrate her birthday at Disneyworld anyway - surely it's all set up for families with young children? Maybe I'm wrong.....