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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at DP family while on holiday

57 replies

Chocolatteandbiscuits · 30/09/2017 00:13

Bit of a rant so sorry if I ramble a bit.

I'm fairly upset, we are now 5 days into a 2 week holiday at Disneyworld with DP, our DS1, his parents, his 2 Dsis and 1 of Dsis partner. It's for his mum's 60th birthday.

It wasn't a cheap holiday and we paid a lot of money plus spending money to come here, which we had to work and save hard for. His parents really wanted us to come as it was the last time they were coming out here. DP told me his parents said they would help us with our DS as it would be tiring and long days.

So anyway day 5 we had no help on the 9 hr flight, they sat in front watching films, eating, sleeping. While me and DP tried our hardest to entertain. And we have had no help what so ever since we got here. We have stayed in every night for take away while they all go out. They will not wait for us to or DS to get ready. They insisted no rushing but rush. When we have asked to watch DS for 1 night when he's asleep no one can give us a clear answer. Or they say they will but then don't.

All we want is 1 or 2 nights where we can go for an actual meal or go shopping. AIBU to say is that too much to ask?

Also I know people might say why did you go, but my DP mum really guilt tripped him into coming and made him think we would have help with our DS. We thought with 5 other people someone might help.

Least my DS is having fun which is the main thing!

OP posts:
Livingdiisgracefully · 30/09/2017 08:06

My in laws pulled this shit. I had driven down to family hols on own after packing car to hotel (five hour drive) with three month old while dh got train. Had time for cup of tea when arrived, then had to pick husband up from station as no one else offered (yes husband could have got taxi but hindsight etc - I hadn't realised quite how long it would take to pack car, drive down. Then one day while dh playing golf, I came out after getting ds ready after breakfast to find every other family member had gone to the beach without me, leaving me on my own. No message to join them. Needless to say, we've never been with them since.

OP I try one more time to get someone to look after your ds and really put them in a corner. If they let you down again, then treat it like it's just the three of you, don't fit in with anyone else and, yes, it's the last time they ever get to go away with their grandchild.

Livingdiisgracefully · 30/09/2017 08:06

*train straight from work.

Ceto · 30/09/2017 08:12

Your DP needs to remind his family about the promises they made and ask whether they meant them.

LagunaBubbles · 30/09/2017 08:15

I'm beginning think your DH has maybe exaggerated the "help" your in laws said they would give you. It's a very expensive holiday and not one I would take a 15 month on normally. But I hope you get to enjoy what's left.

Looneytune253 · 30/09/2017 08:18

To be fair, most people just have to get on with it with their kids on holiday. Even when we've went on hols with family members we haven't expected any help. Don't let that bitterness destroy your holiday, just put your happy face on and have a great time. Plan your own days, you should be able to manage your ds between the two of you

Looneytune253 · 30/09/2017 08:18

To be fair, most people just have to get on with it with their kids on holiday. Even when we've went on hols with family members we haven't expected any help. Don't let that bitterness destroy your holiday, just put your happy face on and have a great time. Plan your own days, you should be able to manage your ds between the two of you

craigglen · 30/09/2017 08:18

It seems I'm in the minority here but you sound like hard work. I don't understand why you expected your in laws to entertain your DS on the flight? By all means if they offered, fine, but it isn't wrong that they didn't and chose to watch films and sleep instead. And it seems to have carried on from there. You haven't managed to get ready in time to go out for dinner with the rest of the family on even one evening?

I get that it is hard for you and your DP's family are not behaving in the way that you expect. But you're there now - why not make the best of it and enjoy the time you have with your husband and your little boy? Stop worrying about other people who are not behaving in the way you want them to. They're not going to.

Get your DS ready in your own time in the evening and the 3 of you go somewhere. Or join the rest of the family when it suits you. But please don't let other people spoil your holiday.

NapQueen · 30/09/2017 08:24

Ds has two parents so managing on the flight really could be split between you. 3 1/2 hours each. It isnt a massive flight to florida.

Also just feed ds an earlyish dinner and pop him to sleep in the pushchair to sleep and go out for a walk and to dinner.

BeyondThePage · 30/09/2017 08:38

It is America, it seems daunting at first, but EVERYWHERE there is set up for Americans - they will spend 10 min with the wait staff specifying how their meal should be served - and ask for the special menus that deal with allergies, calorie contents etc - and most places will have them - the restaurants on the 192 and at the parks we have been to certainly do - lactose/gluten/soya/nut/etc... etc.

At Disney itself they will have a chef come to your table to explain which items can be made to suit your allergy, it is fabulous.

Just go with it, pack a couple of snacks - bag of carrots, whatever, for "just-in-case" - heads down, get ready and go. Oh, and start getting ready for the evening earlier than them if you don't want to rush (change clothes, brush hair, find credit card - already have bag for child from the day, top it up with stuff and just go)

Nikephorus · 30/09/2017 09:32

What sort of help do you need for one DC that two adults (you and your dh) can't do?
This^^ Why would you have needed help on the flight when there was 2 of you and just 1 child? What do you think most parents do? Plenty have more than 1 child and sometimes only 1 parent yet they still cope. And if you know what sort of time they'll be going out just make sure you're ready earlier. It's not difficult. You're making it into a big deal when it's not.

Yummymummy159 · 30/09/2017 09:34

My 18 month old has a dairy and soya allergy, just give him a chips one night it won't kill him! It's a holiday he's supposed to get spoiled!

As for the in laws just get on and do your own thing. Yes spend mil birthday with her but apart from that they've pretty much alienated you

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 30/09/2017 09:36

I'm with craigglen. Your son has two parents there, he doesn't need three other adults to look after him.

Also, you moan about your in-laws not waiting for you to go out to dinner, then say you can't go out to dinner because he has allergies.

mrsRosaPimento · 30/09/2017 09:38

Why should they look after him on the plane? He's your ds.

RapunzelsRealMom · 30/09/2017 09:43

It must be disappointing that they don't help when you thought they would, but I'm a bit confused as to why you need help. You're 2 adults with one toddler. What would you do at home?
There's so much to do for all the family in Orlando, not just the older ones. Make your plans and take DS with you. Restaurants cater for babies, everything is family oriented.
Just have your holiday

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 30/09/2017 09:43

YANBU. Not really.
This is not a holiday I would choose, especially with such a young DS.
In your position I would be annoyed that I'd allowed myself to be pressured into going.
However, there must be loads to do with DS and plenty of photo opportunities for the future so if I were you I'd adjust my expectations, ignore anyone else's plans and get on with enjoying time with my toddler.
Good luck.

Oldraver · 30/09/2017 10:02

Why the fuck do you need 'help' when there is two of you...I think you are being overly dramatic. You need to buck up and enjoy the holiday

I took DS to Disneyworld when he was CMPA and we ate out a lot, he didnt starve. You do have to be careful...dont get me started on scrambled egg that can only be made with 'Beatez'

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 30/09/2017 10:13

Why the fuck do you need 'help' when there is two of you...I think you are being overly dramatic. You need to buck up and enjoy the holiday
A little harsh?
I'm not sure I'd necessarily be expecting help (although plenty of families do this on holiday, and it is what seems to have been promised)
but I'd be expecting some considering to the needs of a toddler in terms of timings etc. I think I might easily feel exhausted and left out. Toddlers are adorable but hard work from memory.

CamperVamp · 30/09/2017 10:16

Why does it take 2 adults with one 15m old so long to get out ?

Why are you always so much later arriving than everyone else?

Stock up on foods that he can eat. For a short period jars etc are fine.

Feed him, get ready, take him out to sleep in his buggy!

It can be hard to expect a big party of adults to all follow a routine of one 15m old.

ElizabethShaw · 30/09/2017 10:25

Honestly, forget the rest of the family and enjoy doing your own thing with your dp and ds.

One toddler between two of you, still little enough to sleep in a buggy, means this will be the easiest family holiday you have til all your DC are over 8 Grin

Whocansay · 30/09/2017 10:40

Just do your own thing for the rest of the holiday. I agree with the other PPs that in the US they are incredibly accommodating of food allergies, so eating out shouldn't be an issue. And just take our DC shopping with you. No it's not quite the same, but he'll be in the buggy mostly and American malls are fully geared up for kids so there will be stuff there to entertain him.

As for the PIL, you have to chalk this up to experience and not be pressured in future. It's shit that they pulled a fast one, but at this point all you can do is make the best of it and never put yourself in that position again.

I hope you enjoy your holiday.

Gorgosparta · 30/09/2017 10:42

Its not clear the in laws have pulled a fast one or misled the op.
She says clearly that her dp said they would help.

Its possible they havent said that and he said it because he wanted to go to florida.

Birdsgottafly · 30/09/2017 11:09

"I don't understand why a 60 year old woman would want to celebrate her birthday at Disneyworld anyway"

Perhaps because she likes it and as the OP said, this will be her last visit.

OP, why will it be her last visit, is if lack of funds, or her health?

Tbh, i can understand her thinking that she should get everything out of it that she can.

I don't understand why you and your DH haven't took it in turns to go out,that is what a lot of couples have to do,if they don't want to use the sitter service and their child won't sleep in a pushchair.

"but my DP mum really guilt tripped him into coming and made him think we would have help "

Did you witness this, or is this what your DP said?

I do think that you could have been given a break, but can your MIL manage him?

I can't my head around you being in Disneyworld, but focusing n the negatives.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 30/09/2017 13:43

It's good to see everyone's point of view on this. Me and DP had a chat last night and agreed from now on we are going to do our own thing and not rely on them.

To answer a few questions, I did witness his DM saying she and others would help and they all piped in with a "yea course we will help". Even yesterday his DM again said she would help. By help we mean either watch DS for 10 mins or so while we go on 1 or 2 rides if they don't want to go on or keep an eye on him while he's asleep so we can go for dinner 1 or 2 nights. I really don't think it's unreasonable considering I've witnessed them say they will help.

So this morning we said we were taking DS elsewhere to their plans. When I went upstairs to change DS his DM and 2 Dsis cornered his and I could hear them guilt tripping him while I was out of sight. I'm doing well to bite my tongue.

With regards to bring D'S out with us he doesn't stay in his pushchair. He runs around and has a melt down if we put reins on him. We then carry him but can't really do much if we want to look around. He doesn't fall asleep in his pram either. We have tried. Today we are going to take him out with us for food and give that a go. See how he is.

His DM has decided to come here as they have for many years and used to bring DP here since he was about 10. We wouldn't have come if it wasn't the last time and her 60th.

Sorry for the long update Wine

OP posts:
DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 30/09/2017 15:04

I hear you chocolateandbiscuits it's not always as simple as putting a toddler in a pushchair . Many aren't keen and they need to run about. I think it's great that you're making alternative plans. Enjoy. It's Disney. X

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 30/09/2017 20:48

Thanks krogers it's what I've been telling his family he doesn't want to stay in his pram most of the time.

Today has been so much better doing our own thing. We ate out and it was no bother, he was so good. We didn't feel rushed or stressed and overall had a lovely day.

OP posts:
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