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AIBU?

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Original poster

To back out of house purchase

53 replies

Goldfishshoals · 30/09/2017 00:10

We've accepted an offer on our house. DH had agreed that when we sold we'd move into my parents house rent free if necessary (they don't live there atm - it's complicated!) so we had plenty of time to look for a house.

However, ever since we accepted the offer he's been saying he doesn't want to move into my parents place, pay for storage of our stuff etc, it will be a nightmare, so we've been rushing round trying to find a place to live. We've both liked a couple of houses but been outbid, but largely we disagree (he likes quite areas suburban house with garages etc, I prefer something closer to town with walking distance amenities).

Last weekend we saw a house he liked. It's a long way from town so I wasn't keen, but I feel all this pressure about how we have to get somewhere or we will lose the buyer etc. So I agreed we'd put in a low ball bid on Monday and see what happened (our other offers have taken a week or so of back and forth before they accepted - I thought I'd have time to think about this). Anyway, they refused, DH quickly upped the bid (despite my reluctance), and they accepted.

DH celebrated. I cried. DH then got mad at me saying I shouldn't have agreed to bid, and that he'd withdraw our offer of I wanted but he'd 'feel a fool'.

I've spent the week trying to convince myself it's not that bad while DH steams ahead with arranging mortgage etc.

I feel so miserable and stressed about it. I feel so paralysed. I don't know if it's the right house. I don't know if we can get any better if I insist we pull out. I feel awful.

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 30/09/2017 00:18

DH is a total cunt.

SquidgeyMidgey · 30/09/2017 00:19

Do you think you coukd be happy there? Speak now or forever hold your peace...

verystressedmum · 30/09/2017 00:27

Your dh has changed his mind at the very last minute about your parents house and then practically bullied you into buying a house you don't like.
Was that his plan all along?

OrangeJulius · 30/09/2017 00:30

What Squirmy said.

SouthWindsWesterly · 30/09/2017 00:36

Pull out. You won't be happy there and at least with your parents house you have breathing room. So he won't be happy. You won't be happy at being bulldozed into this.

Pull out. And talk to your husband about emotional blackmail.

LadyLapsang · 30/09/2017 00:49

I would say go with your gut feeling and pull out. I did this about two decades ago when I had spent the whole night awake worrying about some serious structural issues that came to light on a house we were intending to buy.In fact, with the benefit of hindsight and the benefit of age / experience, the house would have been a good buy, but I would have been upset and worried.

Ceto · 30/09/2017 00:52

Pull out. It doesn't make either you or your husband fools, and even if it did, it hardly matters what a couple of strangers think, does it?

NotTheCoolMum · 30/09/2017 00:57

Whaaaat? It's not normal to rush around and buy a house on a whim! Much less without one's partner being on board.

Why are you moving anyway? Bigger house, different area? Did you and DH not agree on what you were looking for as a couple? Tell him all house buying activity is off until you're agreed!

Italiangreyhound · 30/09/2017 01:16

Tell your husband that you do not want to live in the house, you made a mistake saying you would put in a low bid (did he consult you before upping the bid?)

Then you and dh sit down and have a serious talk. If it is important not to lose your buyer then you will need to put your furniture into storage or whatever and move, but if it is not urgent to move you could tell the buyer you are not ready yet.

Your husband would be a fool to move into a home that he knew you did not really want to live in.

bellabelly · 30/09/2017 01:21

Oh no no! You have to tell your DH to just pull out. It's natural to feel a little wobbly about such a huge purchase but it absolutely isn't normal to cry sad tears over having an offer accepted. This isn't what you want - don't do it!

Italiangreyhound · 30/09/2017 01:21

If you can afford to rent for a few months would he consider moving into a home either in suburbs or town and renting? It's likely to be unfurnished so you could save on storage costs and see how you find it.

Butterymuffin · 30/09/2017 01:24

Pull out. A house is too big a purchase to be unhappy with. It's not like a pair of jeans. Your DH is not behaving well. Should be a team decision.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 30/09/2017 01:27

1.Are you the type of person who is never quite sure?

  1. Is what you really want both available & affordable?
Answers to above could make a difference to how you view this property.
Jux · 30/09/2017 01:34

Better you pull out and dh 'feels a fool' (why? It happens often), than you go ahead and are miserable

It'll be your home too.

innagazing · 30/09/2017 05:54

Better to puii out at this early stage, as you really can't buy a house when one of the couple doesn't like it- it's such a long term arrangement!

As you both have such differing wants, maybe the best thing would be to live at your parents house while you resolve the issue of where to live, as it's not going to be easy, if one wants rural and the other a town area. One of you is going to have to compromise I think.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/09/2017 06:05

There's too much conflict on this house to go ahead! Sounds horrid situation.

In cases like this, you have to work out how you're going to make a decision...

Is it whoever shouts loudest?

The one who is going to be most inconvenienced /distressed living somewhere they're less than keen in?

CiderwithBuda · 30/09/2017 06:20

Pull out.

Then sit down and both draw up a list of what you want from new house - a list each. So size, bedrooms, bathrooms, attached/detached, location. Then see what you agree on. Then figure out your non-negotiables. Then the things you are happy to compromise on.

THEN look for a house that meets those criteria.

Moving into your parents house seems to make sense. A few months of storage costs is much cheaper than making a massive mistake on a house purchase. Or a divorce if he continues to act like a twat!

ilovesooty · 30/09/2017 06:22

Pull out and suspend all your house buying activity until you've reached an agreement on what you're looking for.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2017 06:26

Pull out. Either go into rental or stay with your parents. House prices don't look like they're going to increase ATM. He's the one, who's changed the goal posts, not you.

BlondeB83 · 30/09/2017 06:32

Pull out.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 30/09/2017 06:58

Pull out - and I say that as a vendor who has spent the last 4 months praying nightly that my buyer doesn't get cold feet.

This is the biggest purchase you will ever make. And again, speaking from experience, there is little more depressing than living somewhere that you hate and feeling utterly trapped. If the economy tanks again, house prices crash and you end up in negative equity, could you ride out 10+ years in that house if you had to?

Your DH needs to stop pushing. It is absolutely out of line to up the bid without discussing it first and BOTH being in firm agreement. There's always an element of compromise if you have different requirements, but the compromise needs to be on both sides.

Pull out. And as for feeling like a fool - well he should have thought of that before he ploughed ahead without making sure you were on board. He knew you were reluctant but steamrollered in anyway.

TheCatsMother99 · 30/09/2017 07:02

You need to pull out.

OvercomeByGravity · 30/09/2017 07:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for personal reasons.

Loopytiles · 30/09/2017 07:14

Pull out and seek to resolve the relationship problems.

Buck3t · 30/09/2017 07:25

Don’t pull out and spend your entire stay at that house resenting him for making you live there. Like I did. Sad