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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to dh dream house?

168 replies

BakerBear · 29/09/2017 22:33

We are first time buyers. We currently rent and have viewed a house today.

Its £300,00 and needs around £60,000 spending on it.

Its a lot of money even though we could afford it. Dh really wants it as its been his dream to renovate his own home rather than buy a home thats already been renovated to someone elses tastes.

I feel that as first time buyers buying a house needing £60,000 on it is out of our depth.

I dont want to live in a bomb site whilst things are getting done and also once you start renovating you can find all sorts of hidden problems.

Dh wants to do some of the work himself but i feel hes too busy with work and then it wont get done but he assures me he will find time.

We will have to get trades people to do some of the work.

There is nothing in the area that needs work doing that is such a big house.

The area if great with very good local schools etc

AIBU?

OP posts:
SquidgeyMidgey · 29/09/2017 22:38

If there are good schools and you think its worth it in the long run then consider it. I'm with you on living in a bombsite, my patents were serial doer-uppers and i don't think some people (not you) realise just how blinking tough it can be, they just see the tv edits where Joe Idiot manages to get there in the end.

Lethaldrizzle · 29/09/2017 22:39

Sounds great! Yolo!

TurnipCake · 29/09/2017 22:40

My OH grew up pretty much on a building site and said it was the one thing he swore he'd never do as an adult, so 9 years ago he bought a flat that needed a lot of work

He's only just got round to finishing the bathroom (his dad is a retired architect so they've done the kitchen and bathroom by themselves) but the dust gets everywhere, even though they clean up as they go along.

Also a bit worrying that he's telling you he'll find time - in my experience this is often not the case, and in the end you just get used to being surrounded by building stuff

LucieLucie · 29/09/2017 22:40

Go for it but just renovate one room at a time to minimise the stress and upheaval

minipie · 29/09/2017 22:42

Just be sure that £60,000 would actually cover it (get at least 2 builders to quote, after you've had a full survey done)

JoJoSM2 · 29/09/2017 22:45

I think it could be a great idea. At least you'll be able to stay put instead of having to move up the ladder in a few years. The space is there, the schools are there etc.

I would think through a few things though. Is your income likely to stay the same or increase? How much disposable income do you have? It's important to work out how long it will take you to pay for the work and what stages it could be done in. I don't know your DH, but if someone is passionate about a project, they'll likely to crack on with it every spare minute of the day - and that's really for your DH to decide whether he'll find the time and energy.

Loopytiles · 29/09/2017 22:46

Yanbu. Building work often costs much more than amateurs estimate and can be stressful, including for relationships.

Original poster
BakerBear · 29/09/2017 22:46

Does anyone know how much a survey will cost?

I think im worried about it being such a big commitment as we have always rented.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 29/09/2017 22:51

I can't remember the name of the thread but it was started by someone on the verge of leaving their husband because he'd persuaded her to move to his dream house and then wanted to do all the work himself and wouldn't hire anyone. This had gone on for years and years.

If you do say yes, stipulate a time that work should have been completed by or you will hire someone to do it.

Harvestmoonsobig · 29/09/2017 22:53

Broke my marriage and I missed the best parts of my children's childhood because we were always shifting stuff around for the next bit of renovation; finally stbxh couldn't admit he'd bitten off more than he could chew and essentially walked off the job. It took my precious savings to get it finished by which time I hated the place and couldn't move out quick enough. Then spent next 10 years bitterly regretting it.

No. Not the romantic experience I'd been persuaded to buy into. 😖

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 29/09/2017 22:56

If your Dh has the skills, can he tile, do joinery, plaster, wallpaper, plumbing,Landscape?
If he can't I wouldn't do it.
Try something that just needs some painting and sprucing up. Not a major building project.

ThreeFish · 29/09/2017 22:58

Just be sure that 60,000 to do it up is realistic. We aren't in an expensive place and have been quoted that to add another garage and upwards.

BelleandBeast · 29/09/2017 23:01

Our house needed doing up and ten years later, it still does.
If you can afford to, do it.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2017 23:02

I wouldn't like to live on a bomb site house for any length of time. And £60K could easily turn out to be a lot more. But having said that it might be a fantastic opportunity to have a big house and have it done exactly how you'd like it.

And of course YANBU in that it's unrealistic that your DH is going to do this amount of work by himself and fit it round a full time job.

OddestSock · 29/09/2017 23:03

no, i wouldn't do it. we moved into a place that needed all 3 bedrooms, the living room & the hallway doing (stripping wallpaper, re-painting, re-carpeting, & lots of wood chip wallpaper) & had a month overlap between our rental property & moving in. that month was a LOT of work, we've moved in now, but still have small things to do. it was one month & it was so stressful!

FridayFreddo · 29/09/2017 23:04

No, no , no.

I'd hate to live in a building site.

I'd buy another house.

JayDot500 · 29/09/2017 23:05

Wow havestmoon that's a pretty sad situation, I hope things have settled Flowers.

Those TV shows make it look so easy. Even when the couple say it tested their marriage (cue awkward laugh), usually my senses are too consumed with jealous awe over their shiny new, glossy lens house. I don't even think I listen to anyone once the house is unveiled.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 23:05

It depends what you mean by "needs £60k"
Does it mean no heating, all windows to be replaced, leaking roof, something unsafe, walls mouldy... or does it mean a tired looking but usable bathroom, decor you don't like but a house that is perfectly livable (even after a deep clean).

How much houses in a show-condition sell for in that area? Is £300k cheap or in line with other properties?

I have done both, bought new and bought project. Let's face it, without the project we wouldn't have been able to go up the property ladder. I would chose the biggest possible house and do it slowly but I like space.

jobergamot · 29/09/2017 23:08

Survey approx £750.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 23:08

stripping wallpaper, re-painting, re-carpeting, & lots of wood chip wallpaper)
I am sorry, but that's not renovating, that's just redecorating!

Msqueen33 · 29/09/2017 23:10

I suppose it depends. We moved into ours and have done floors in all rooms (small 4 bed) decorated all rooms and done two loos and a kitchen. When I say we I mean tradespeople. We did a lot of decoration in our old house by my dh is not handy at all. So we need people in to do it. With the bedrooms in this house I did two of them and it was a lot of work. And we've got three kids. Two of whom have special needs so it was an undertaking.

MoonlightandMusic · 29/09/2017 23:12

Possibly YABU, but depends on level of work - if it's liveable as is, but needs improving, then live in it for a year while planning the changes. Have to say we bought a do-er upper as FTBs on that basis and then got the work done over about five years on a piecemeal basis with six weeks here, four weeks there etc., based roughly on when we felt up to builders and disruption. Definitely worth it in the end and meant we didn't waste money re-doing someone else's decor & layout.
Only thing I would say should be non-negotiable is know what cosmetic finishes you want and have professionals in to do them - otherwise you will be looking at rooms that are 'fine' but really do need painting/papering/carpeting etc., without the will to lose your week-ends doing them.

dobbyclub · 29/09/2017 23:12

Having renovated both properties we've owned fairly extensively here's my take on it (assuming no DC?)
1- be realistic about what you can and want to do.

  1. be realistic about living in a building site, how are you going to do it? In our first place it was a flat and to save contractor time and due to lack of space, we were effectively living in one room, no mains lighting and no hot water unless we boiled a kettle. Would not recommend doing that for more than a couple of months. However if it's a big enough place that you can live in a few rooms while you do the rest than that's quite different.
  2. Give yourself a timescale and stick to it as much as possible. Both times we had an endpoint - emigrating (so ended up with bland decoration in a couple of rooms which were the last to do, but everything else amazing) - and arrival of DC. If you let it drag on and on with no finish point you will resent it probably! And if you stick to an endpoint you will be working a lot in your spare time, even if you're not painting/decorating yourself, there is endless research/decision-making/chasing to do.
  3. It is so worthwhile to be able to to decorate and plan exactly what you want. You can avoid inheriting annoying unpractical layouts or bathroom fittings! But with a lot of 'freedom' of choice it can actually be a bit paralysing! How experienced are you at making practical decisions as well as aesthetic ones? Making it clear to several types of contractors what you and they (and other contractors coming in after them) require?
  4. First time round, we ordered quite a lot of stuff off the internet (bathroom fittings, etc). No problem. about 5 years later there was far more 'choice' on the internet in terms of retailer sites selling the same thing, but a much higher rate of those sites letting us down/giving wrong dimensions or descriptions/generally having lower quality experience. Just something we noticed that was a bit annoying.
Benedikte2 · 29/09/2017 23:13

Builders I have known all have said that renovating is many times more difficult than building a new house. So many hidden problems, old timber is extra hard etc.
You need to start out with a house that needs only a little renovation -- redecorating, perhaps with a new bathroom, or an attic conversion. That way your DH can have a go and see if he can manage it without the need to live on a bomb site .
You don't want to spend your DC's childhoods living in a dump with no time for outing, holidays, only to finish the work when they are off to university.
Don't bite off more than you can chew
Good luck

SquidgeyMidgey · 29/09/2017 23:14

Bear in mind most surveys have clauses now so you have no come back if they miss something.

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