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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Living with in laws!

55 replies

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 16:10

So i currently live with DPs 2 sisters, nephew, brother, and his mum and dad. I have a 4 month old. Mostly in my room. I feel so trapped here, we cant afford to rent anywhere but its seriously causing problems, like today i was told to give my baby a boiled EGG as her first food?!?
Dp works so gets out and goes to the gym and doesn't see everything that goes on- everyone just tip toes arouns the brother in case he flips his lid as he usually does!!
Aibu to say either get a place to rent for us, or ill go move in with my mum (he wouldn't come ive already asked)
Thanks for reading

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 29/09/2017 16:13

Just go and live with your our mum

If he was worried about you he'd have discussed a plan already and would be taking you and baby out of the house regularly.

NerrSnerr · 29/09/2017 16:14

I'd be pissed off if my husband/ partner was paying for the gym if we couldn't afford our own place. Have you looked what benefits you'd be entitled to if you moved out into a house or flat.

Try your best to ignore about the weaning. My parents and inlaws have opinions on food, sleep and everything else. Just smile and say you would rather give them what you've planned.

LostwithSawyer · 29/09/2017 16:15

Move in with your mum.
Being comfortable where your living is important in my opinion. You sound unhappy so make yourself happy and move.

Ttbb · 29/09/2017 16:17

Just go live with your mum.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 16:17

It's difficult to advise, it's easy to have opinion as an outsider.

I don't think I could live that way, trapped with a baby. I would go and live with my mum. I would need to breathe!

Original poster

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 16:27

Id get all benefits, as at the moment i don't work or anything so in the house all the time, i go for walks and stuff but baby only settles in her cot or the car!
I asked about the gym 20 a month and he said it's nothint compared to 700 a month for a flat/house.
I am really unhappy here, everyone just wants to snatch my baby or not give her back when i know she needs feeding/changing/sleep saying things like 'i forgot you have 5 children under your belt' - saying they are more experienced with babys as this is my first!
Sorry for the rant i just dont know what to do!

OP posts:

Ilovecoleslaw · 29/09/2017 16:32

I think you'd be a lot happier if you moved out

RatherBeRiding · 29/09/2017 16:34

Move out! You're unhappy, your partner doesn't sound particularly supportive or bothered that you're unhappy. He should be making every effort to find you both somewhere to live.

And why on earth won't he live with you at your mum's? If he isn't prioritising finding your your own place, he should at the very least put your welfare above his own preference for living with his family.

RestingBitchFaced · 29/09/2017 16:34

Move out! Sounds awful

Original poster

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 16:40

My mum lives in a 2 bedroom flat so he said he wouldn't feel comfortable- like i do!! 1 toilet to share with all his relatives & one bathroom! Also, the room that we have has a massive inbuilt wardrobe- great right?! Oh no, it's got everyone elses stuff in! So ive got 3 rails around my room- he says it'd be rails at my mums too another excuse. I don't see us lasting much longer, hes been looking for somewhere else for the past year and everytime i get upset im just looking for sympathy apparently. Arrrrrrrr

OP posts:

EdmundCleverClogs · 29/09/2017 16:42

Leave, and tell him that £20 a month will now go towards the child maintenance he's going to start paying (and the rest). Go to your mum's, take a few months (if she's ok with it) to save/sort yourself out and then go from there.

I can only assume he's one of these awful mummy boys. They never grow up, and if so he won't leave unless practically dragged. I know one that never left home, sooner get rid of his girlfriends instead, another moved back in with his mother within 6 months. It's sad.

Original poster

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 16:48

Yeah he's mummys boy- and she feels like she needs to control him or something- always ringing when we go out. Also we pay bills 3 ways, his mum and one sister so electric gas and water- but he pays for all the food in the house and the wifi no one shares this bill!!! Annoys me. Were the youngest in the house (23) but we have to clean and cook and are the only ones asked to do anything- recently asked to pay 1000 for the downstairs to be re carpeted! Had enough

OP posts:

Cheby · 29/09/2017 16:49

Go to your mums. He can follow if he likes.

Speedybloomer · 29/09/2017 16:51

That sounds awful. Would definitely move out to your mums. Did you not discuss where you'd be living before baby was born?

Mittens1969 · 29/09/2017 16:56

Oh goodness, this I could never cope with! You should just go and live with your mum. It really does sound like a nightmare where you're living right now.

AppleTrayBake · 29/09/2017 17:00

Don't stay somewhere and make yourself miserable, for the sake of a relationship that on your owns words "won't last much longer".

Just go, he'll follow if he's bothered about being together.

Original poster

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 17:00

Before baby was born we went to view places and none he seemed to like- think he did it on purpose

OP posts:

PalmerViolets · 29/09/2017 17:02

Go to your mums. Sounds awful!

EdmundCleverClogs · 29/09/2017 17:04

Milla11, it will never change trust me. Either you move out (and he'll live there forever more), or keep living there and put up with it. Just be warned though, taking over with your child will only get worse, is this how you want your child to be in 20 years time? Under grandma's thumb and no plans to ever move out....

Original poster

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 17:06

It was managable before baby came but now everyone's much more experienced than me with baby's- her hair isn't growing alot so i shoild shave it for example, and she needs 8oz of water a day.. and i should give her cows milk now!!! Have to bite my lip

OP posts:

PhuntSox · 29/09/2017 17:07

Are you on any housing association waiting lists? If not put you and your baby on.

onalongsabbatical · 29/09/2017 17:11

All the interference with your baby is not on. How dare they!
I also think you should move out. You and the baby are what's important, now.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/09/2017 17:12

Move out.

This weekend.

Dont try and negotiate, because he has shown you that he will not change this situation, he has no need to. So just go.

If he wants to stay together then tell him the deal is that you get your own place together and that his mother/brother etc does not have a key. Sounds like he could afford the rent if he wasnt paying to feed everyone!

TittyGolightly · 29/09/2017 17:15

Your 4 month old shouldn't be having anything other than (breast/formula) milk unless under medical advice.

hidinginthenightgarden · 29/09/2017 17:17

I would say I was staying with my mum for a couple of days and then tell him I was staying as I have more space (mentally and physically) and he can join you if he wants too.

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