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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Living with in laws!

55 replies

Milla11 · 29/09/2017 16:10

So i currently live with DPs 2 sisters, nephew, brother, and his mum and dad. I have a 4 month old. Mostly in my room. I feel so trapped here, we cant afford to rent anywhere but its seriously causing problems, like today i was told to give my baby a boiled EGG as her first food?!?
Dp works so gets out and goes to the gym and doesn't see everything that goes on- everyone just tip toes arouns the brother in case he flips his lid as he usually does!!
Aibu to say either get a place to rent for us, or ill go move in with my mum (he wouldn't come ive already asked)
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
WhooooAmI24601 · 29/09/2017 17:19

Just go and let him stay in the madhouse.

Having 5 babies 23 years ago doesn't make anyone a genius. You're the Mum now, you get to choose who holds her, what she eats, when she sleeps and what she needs. Their "expertise" was only with their own DC.

Please leave and get yourself some space. It sounds claustrophobic and awful.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2017 17:21

Cows milk for a 4 month old Shock.

Leave, go and stay with your mum. This set up sounds awful.

LeninaCrowne · 29/09/2017 17:23

That £1000 could go towards rent/deposit on a home, not MIL's carpets.

SusannahL · 29/09/2017 17:23

I'm just wondering where you thought you would live when you decided to have a baby?
Surely you should have sorted out your living arrangements before getting pregnant.
Another example of someone doing everything in the wrong order.

LovelyPrep · 29/09/2017 17:23

Oh my god, just move out! How have you managed this long?! It sounds utterly miserable. Your partner sounds completely useless. Leave him to live with his family and go to your mums. Even if it's a two bed flat it sounds less stressful than what you're dealing with now.

happypoobum · 29/09/2017 17:24

Bloody hell I would go to your mums and tell him not to join you!!

He sounds like a pathetic excuse for a partner. I am sure you will be 1000 times happier without him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/09/2017 17:24

Their "expertise" was only with their own DC........
.....who are tied to her apron strings and have anger management issues, and thats just 2 of them! Hardly a ringing endorsement of her parenting skills!

Nadinexo1 · 29/09/2017 17:24

I stayed with my in laws for a year.
worst time of my life hands down.
DH wanted a baby and I said no way til we move out. since we moved out our relationship improved and so did mine and my in laws.
Leave, move out, don't look back.
you'll never regret it it'll be the best thing you do.

SandyY2K · 29/09/2017 17:25

I'd move to your mums if I was you. They sound awful.

A colleague of mine did this. She's Asian and those living arrangements are expected, but she hated it.

A new mother (in their culture) is exempt from chores for 6 weeks.

The very day the six months were over ..her MIL was at her door.

She told her DH she was moving back to her mum's until they got their own place....and she was so much happier.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/09/2017 17:27

I'm just wondering where you thought you would live when you decided to have a baby?
Surely you should have sorted out your living arrangements before getting pregnant.
Another example of someone doing everything in the wrong order.

How is that in any way helpful? Hmm

Not all pregnancies are planned, and the OP quite clearly said that they were looking for a place but he kiboshed them all. But you carry on with your judging, does it make you feel all superior?

pictish · 29/09/2017 17:37

Sounds like a total shitfest. Nothing could keep me there, I'd be out of there like a flash. Move out.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 29/09/2017 17:40

Move back into your Mums. If he wants to live with you as a family, it can be on your terms, not his.

I would start looking at what you would be entitled to as a single parent, including housing benefit, and look at what maintenance he would have to pay.

Start assuming you are doing this by yourself. It looks like your baby only has one adult parent.

pictish · 29/09/2017 17:44

I would also assume you'll be going it alone as it seems like he wants to stay crammed in with no privacy at his mum's forever. He sounds very selfish.
Go to your mum's.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/09/2017 17:46

Move out - you don't have to put up with this.

As others have said it will get worse rather than better, you will end up feeling resentful and angry to the point where you may actually do or say something you later regret, and even if you don't the atmosphere is poisonous for your relationship with your baby - your partner's mother will do her best to take over your DD and as she will have the whole family on her side, and is on her own ground, you will have a hell of a fight on your hands.

You will become ill with the stress and they will take this as an excuse to dismiss everything you say.

Go to your own DM - I'm sure that she'll love to have you. It would break my heart if I thought that my DD was having to struggle like this day-in, day-out. You are a remarkably strong and courageous young woman - but sooner or later you will become depressed and exhausted and won't be able to make the change. Do it while you still can.

And have some Flowers.

maras2 · 29/09/2017 17:49

Do you know about his finances?
I only ask because I don't believe he pays only £20 for monthly gym membership.Hmm
As other are saying go to your mum's.If you were my daughter I'd want you home with or without him.
Good luck.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 29/09/2017 17:52

susanna

Pack it in.

No one plans for knobhead partners.

OP go to your mums.
You'll be so much happier and more relaxed.

When I was pg with DS1 I lived with then dp's parents for a while. It was awful and I then moved back to my parents.

mrpotato · 29/09/2017 18:06

Move out to your mums. In our culture joint families is common although now I feel it's outdated (Indian culture) and a lot of couples are looking to move into their own home before kids etc. Because obviously they've seen how it doesn't work. And it's not a sustainable way of living, you'll be at the end of your tether with all the unsolicited comments and interfering. Mummy's boy or not your DP should always consider how you're feeling if you've told him you're not happy.

It won't get better, your house is not your house and your baby is not your baby because the majority of the people living there have laid claim to it. You need space and you need time. Don't put up with it, if your DP doesn't respect your wishes I would seriously consider where you see your relationship going

sunseptember · 29/09/2017 18:38

Hi op, it sounds like you want to moan about your in laws rather than take any action.

Your being bullied and undermined. There is simply no reason why you should spend one more night there if your mother is willing to put you up, in short term at least m

Have you told your mother what's going on? What does she say? It will only get worse op, nothing will change for the better because no one cares for you. This is what their actions are showing.

Move and leave.

teraculum29 · 29/09/2017 18:46

Just pack yours and baby stuff and go to your mums, if he follows good, if not that's also good. U will know where you stand.

Getoutofthatgarden · 29/09/2017 18:53

Were the youngest in the house (23) but we have to clean and cook and are the only ones asked to do anything

Why are all her adult children still living with her? What's going on in that house, is she controlling them all? Anyway, yeah get out now, think of the peace and quiet you'll have at your Mums, it'll be bliss.

Travis1 · 29/09/2017 18:57

Go to your mums that’s a horrendous way to live

RenegadeMrs · 29/09/2017 19:03

I used to pay £20 for gym membership. Lots of chains are doing cheap gym membership now. If it's at a health club or hotel however, I would be dubious at £20.

RenegadeMrs · 29/09/2017 19:08

But yes, go to your Mums. Tell him he can come with you, or rent a place for to live if he wants to live with you both. I was stir crazy with a 4 month old in my own house. God knows how you are coping in one room.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 29/09/2017 19:21

oh and once you've gone (ideally tomorrow if not tonight), refuse to move back in to his mother's house, regardless of what he promises. If he wants to live with you, he can do that at your Mums or a flat you've got together.

pictish · 29/09/2017 20:09

I mean even if you love him and see a future, still move out. I couldn't live in such a busy, overbearing, restricted household...I'd go mad.