To not really know what to do about this Big Issue seller?

[Welshmaenad]

I have my children EOW (they go to their dad alternate weekends) and they do an activity on Saturday which means hanging around waiting for them for a few hours (no point going home it's a 45 minute drive). I have always had a little routine which involved coffee and going to a couple of stores on a small retail park, partly for enjoyment, partly to get things we actually need.

A few visits ago there was a big issue seller outside the shops. I stopped to buy one and she told me she was really struggling with things for her children and would I buy her some formula and nappies. I am a complete pushover so asked what she needed and she promptly marched me into the shop to pick out 2x tubs of formula, nappies and wipes. About £30 worth. As a one off I figured it was a big help to her and didn't mind so much.

Following visit she was there again, saw me and approached me straight away and asked me to do the same. I said I could get her some nappies/wipes but nothing more as it was a lot of expense. She wasn't best impressed. When I came out and gave them to her she handed me a slip with her phone number on instructing me to call her so I can help her further. I have not done so.

Now I KNOW I need to stop being soft and just tell her no, but the visit after I just waited to do my shopping until she had packed up and left. I know, I know, I'm a coward. But I find it so hard to refuse to help people and she was VERY persistent. I also know that it won't help her in the long run to set up expectations of the buying of things continuing.

So, I accept I need to put my big girl pants on and tell her no more. My concern is, this has genuinely caused me to steer clear of the shops and I wonder if she has made me feel this way, has she done it to other people, and is the shop's trade suffering as a result? I'm pretty sure she's not following big issue guidelines, and part of me feels I ought to contact them, or the shop, to tell them what she is doing, but the other part of me doesn't want to jeapordise what little income she may have and put her at risk of struggling further.

Wah. What would you do?

She "marched" you into the shop and then "instructed" you to phone her?

I doubt she is chasing anyone else away as no one else is as lovely daft as you!

I'd leave it but just say no! Stick your earphones in and march past with a shake of the head.

Suburban I know it sounds dramatic, but that's honestly how it felt! I'm normally pretty assertive but am far too much of a pushover when I feel people need help.

Earphones! Yes! This could be the way forward. Or you know, I could just tell her I'd rather spend £30 a fortnight on my own children... (they don't go without in any way, before anyone stresses.)

Aren't big issue sellers "registered" in some way?

Complain!!

She shouldn't be harassing you.

It's a difficult one, and I agree that you can't be the only person she has asked to buy her things. If I were homeless and desperate and that method worked once, I'd use it again the next time I was desperate.

I agree that telling the big issue might make things worse for her, but she shouldn't be doing what she's doing. She will presumably have a liaison worker at the big issue - next time you see her, you could ask for her liaison worker's number so you can get in touch with them to discuss the situation.

If she realises she's being inappropriate and intimidating, she will probably stop bothering you. If she doesn't and gives you the contact details, you could try sitting down with the liaison worker and her to explain how her behaviour is inappropriate.

I'm fairly certain that Big Issue sellers aren't meant to accept any offers let alone ask for people to get things.
At any rate that what my favourite one told me years back when I was a student and I offered him something I'd got on bogof but wasn't going to use 2 as I was cooking for me.

Have you posted about this before? I'm almost certain I've read this exact same post on here. Although she could be doing it to other people as well I suppose.

I don't believe she has children /babies.

I'll bet she is selling the stuff on or trying for refunds etc

Could you contact Big Issue, not dob her in, but ask what they think you should do? Because either she is going against their rules or she needs help she isn’t getting.

Nope, never posted about it before, was too concerned I'd get a drubbing for being a pathetic pushover

Sangria - I was thinking exactly the same thing. Remember an identical story, might have been last year.

Report her to the local office for begging. I volunteered for the Big Issue years ago and begging really pisses the other sellers off. The sellers I spoke to thought it gave all sellers a bad name when people were begging, and they wa

This sounds familiar - wasn't the stuff being flogged on though?!
I'm SURE I've heard this setup before!

Posted too soon
They wanted people begging to be reported so the office would speak to them and try & stop it

Big Issue Sellers are strictly not allowed to accept anything while selling the paper. The mantra is "a hand up not a hand out".

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Don't do it. As you've figured out she's not genuine. There have been threads here on Mumsnet with near-identical stories. The Big issue network is in some places infiltrated by professional beggars... Sorry I can't substantiate this as I can't find the relevant thread but I'm sure others will shortly chip in with more info. For sure, do not give her any more. If necessary accuse her of harassment, or try to report her to Big Issue HQ or similar. I appreciate it's hard, but remind yourself she's an accomplished actress.

Nappies, wipes and formula are easily sold on.

She may not have any children at all. Where is this baby whilst she is selling the big issue? She can afford childcare?

I call bullshit and Id report her.

This is almost word for word the same story as a homeless girl in my local town centre. All the locals have been rushing to buy her nappies and give her their old cots and high chairs etc. I'm pretty sure she gave someone a list of the stuff she "needs".

Sounds like a professional begging scam.

I think you should say something to the store. I actually refuse all big issue sellers now, which is a shame as my instinct is to help and support, for the same reason that I got my purse out and they leapt in front me "I see you have notes there, you can spare one" push push push.

She’s chancing her arm, she’s seen you coming a mile off OP. You’re obviously a lovely generous person but don’t let her take advantage of you anymore. Definitely report her.

I am a complete pushover

Obviously!

Shake your head walk past, no eye contact & don't engage. You've been too nice / soft Op and she's took advantage of your kind nature.

I have had a similar experience with a big issue seller in a nearby town. When I bought a paper from her, she told me she was going to be kicked out of her lodgings if she couldn't come up with 50 quid by the end of the day. I gave her a tenner and wished her luck.

A couple of weeks later, she told me the same story.

I might be getting cynical but it sounds like a scam OP. Get them free and sell them on cheap. A baby small enough to need nappies and formula - where is he/she while mums selling the Big Issue? You do know that if your on benefits you get £6.20 in vouchers a week until your child's 1 towards the cost of formula?

I've done it myself, gave a woman a fiver for nappies because she said she was desperate (she kept insisting she needed at least ten but I knew what nappies cost). Came out of the supermarket and she was saying the same thing to another woman - and got the full tenner this time.

Just ignore her if you feel like she's taking the mickey, don't be avoiding the shops

OP I would have done the same, but if you believe she is not being genuine don't help her again, and if I were you I wouldn't report her I'd just avoid her!