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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - not sending a thank you card after wedding?

55 replies

Imalreadyinuse · 28/09/2017 14:21

Just that really. I went to a friends wedding early august and I've not recieved a thank you card, nor have others who attended. Maybe I'm a traditionalist but I just consider it quite rude to not send a thank you following a wedding? Is this a thing now?

OP posts:
soundsystem · 28/09/2017 14:22

Did you give a gift? Or are you expecting to be thanked for attending? Have you sent a thank you card for a lovely day (assuming you had a lovely day)?

SunLolly · 28/09/2017 14:23

A thank you for attending card or a thank you for the gift card?

Blahblahboo · 28/09/2017 14:24

As long as they thanked you in person then that's okay. Or in the speeches .

HarrietKettleWasHere · 28/09/2017 14:24

It was only last month. Writing thank you cards to everyone by hand would be a pretty big task. Maybe they haven't had time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2017 14:26

When dh and I got married, we agreed to split the writing of the thank-you cards between us. I got on with mine, but only found at Christmas that dh had forgotten to do his - I had to send belated and apologetic ones with the Christmas cards.

Maybe something similar has happened here - cock up rather than deliberate rudeness.

milliemolliemou · 28/09/2017 14:27

You don't get a thank you for attending card - that's covered in the speeches especially those who've helped on the day or especially made a great effort to be there for physical or physically remote reasons. I agree an increasing number of people are slow to thank for gifts but most do eventually.

You have to be a bit more explanatory

Original poster
Imalreadyinuse · 28/09/2017 14:28

We attended (to a last minute invite - 3wks notice), i bought a personalised expensive gift but no thank you. I sent thank yous from my own wedding and have always recieved them. Its been almost 8 weeks, but i get that they take time...maybe give it a few more weeks.
Is it a done thing now to send a card to them to thank them for inviting me to join their celebration? I kind of said that in my wedding card to them?

OP posts:
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 14:30

Been to probably 30 weddings in the last 10 years and never received a thank you card Hmm I have been thanked in person when handing them a gift but I don't think cards are necessarily the done thing?

Gottalovesummer · 28/09/2017 14:31

There's been a thread recently about this issue. It seems that very few people send thank you cards for wedding/birthday gifts. Which I find extremely rude BTW.

WindyScales · 28/09/2017 14:33

People rarely say thank you these days, nevermind sending a card! It's unbearably rude.

Pancakeflipper · 28/09/2017 14:33

They might be waiting to use a photo from their photographer as a thank you card and at this time of year following wedding summer months that can take time..

I still wonder if one couple got our wedding gift as it was whisked away from us when we got to the venue by the wedding co-ordinator. Never been thanked by text/in person or card. When I see the couple I wonder are they looking at me thinking "it's her, the one who rocks to to weddings with no gift.."

sparechange · 28/09/2017 14:34

It is obviously rude that they haven't thanked you for your gift, but it's always been pretty traditional manners to send a thank you after attending a wedding.

Traditionally, it was sent to the parents, as the hosts, but it is much more normal now to send it to the couple

hiimmumma · 28/09/2017 14:34

I wouldn't expect one.
I don't buy gifts with the expectation of getting a card back.
Do you send thank you cards to thank people for sending a thank you card? Where does it end?! (Joking obviously)

I am a bit anti cards in general though. I don't really see the point of them birthday, Christmas etc. but I do send them to people that I know will be offended if they don't receive one.

12point7 · 28/09/2017 14:35

Meh. Mil went on and on and on and on at me about thank you cards from about a week after I married her pfb.

Eventually I told her to take it up with her son, and that I was responsible for writing to all my side of the guest list, and he his.

Half our wedding guests got thank you notes, the other half are still waiting because she forgot to instil manners in her precious little prince. Funnily enough she never pressed the issue with him. Hmm

That was just phase one in the taming of the beast. I could write a book!

Rubberduckies · 28/09/2017 14:37

Our thank you cards went out really law because we waited for a photo from the photographer for the front.

One or two people moved house and I accidentally sent to the wrong place because I used the invite addresses.......

Flippetydip · 28/09/2017 14:40

I think it's very rude not to send a card or even an email. We attended a colleague's wedding last year, who I am very fond of, but they asked for money. We put £50 in a card in an envelope and I have no idea whether they got it or not because it's never been mentioned. If felt like quite a lot of money.

I even sent thank you cards for baby gifts and still make our kids do them after Christmas and birthdays. Is it very old-fashioned?

Pancakeflipper · 28/09/2017 14:42

Apparently so Flippetydip but some old fashioned stuff is good.

MadisonAvenue · 28/09/2017 14:42

Still haven't had thank you cards from weddings we attended, and gave money gifts, in August 2014 and July 2016. Didn't get a verbal thank you from the couples either.

FrancisCrawford · 28/09/2017 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OffcialMalbecTaster · 28/09/2017 14:49

According to the ettiquette guides in wedding magazines they should send thank you cards within 6 months so still plenty of time.

12point7 · 28/09/2017 14:52

In fairness though Francis that is very old fashioned.

Most brides don't get married from the family home these days. Many are already set up with their own home and even children. It is, by and large, a gift to the couple nowadays.

We tend to gift £50 each from dh and I and an additional £30 per dc if they are to attend. It costs more than that to host us all I have no doubt.

I don't give to receive. But that's just me.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 28/09/2017 14:53

Have they spoken to you to thank you for the present?

I'll take a nice catch-up chat with thanks thrown in over a trite message on a card, any day.

ShatnersWig · 28/09/2017 14:54

In the 80s and early 90s? Always had a thank you for a gift given at a wedding.

Late 90s and since? I'd say maybe 10% have sent a thank you card.

But then thank you cards seem to have gone out of the window. I always had to send them when I was a child to relatives following Xmas or birthday. I don't think I've ever received a thank you card from my goddaughter or a couple of other children of friends for a Xmas or birthday present.

thecatsthecats · 28/09/2017 14:55

I've had thank you cards for all the weddings I've been to - gift or no gift. And a thank you card for the gifts sent when unavailable.

But I'd say most of them arrived within 3 months, some within 6. You're on just about six weeks - give them a chance!

BendydickCuminsnatch · 28/09/2017 14:58

I wrote my thank you notes on honeymoon! (Only 5 years ago). But then I am a dweeb and a letter writing fan Grin

I think it's more unusual to send thank you letters now, and I assume those who send them don't appreciate getting them so I don't know why I bother. Can't help it! Childhood throwback. Didn't receive any acknowledgement of a new baby present I sent to some friends back in June ish. I assume they received it but don't want to ask because don't want them to think I'm wondering where my thank you is, hah! C'est la vie!