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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5 year old still has dummy

91 replies

user1498912461 · 28/09/2017 11:38

I'm ashamed to say that my 5 year old DS (almost 6 year old) still has a dummy. I have tried for years to wean him off to no avail. DH sees no problem with him still having a dummy and mil frequently turns up with brand new packets of dummies for DS. DH has said for ages that he will speak to mil but it's always the "wrong moment". Last time she turned up with packs of new dummies for DS I took them off him and hid them. Mil seemed genuinely surprised and said that her children still had dummies at the age of 8! I am very worried about his teeth but DH said him having a dummy until he was 8 did his teeth no harm. I am now made out to be the "bad guy". We have a 11 month old who also has dummies.

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 28/09/2017 11:40

When you say you have tried to wean him off them, what have you done?

I think you need to be very firm now and say it's time to let the dummies go. I had a dummy until I was 4. My mum told me Father Christmas would take my dummies to give to the baby elves and it exchange I would get my Christmas presents. Apparently I handed them over quite willingly. Just make a little story up like that and see what happens.

Ignore your MIL - you are the parent not her.

Bambamber · 28/09/2017 11:41

Just because your husband doesn't have bad teeth it doesn't mean your children wouldn't, that's a ridiculous thing to say. Thats like a smoker saying they never died of lung cancer so no smokers are at risk. It just doesn't work like that

PandorasXbox · 28/09/2017 11:41

Your MIL and DH are wrong. 5 is far too old for a dummy.

Tell MIL yourself that you're getting rid of them as from today. Get a reward chart for your dc to use as an incentive to stop using them. Dummies will damage your DS's teeth.

Rocketbuddies · 28/09/2017 11:43

My DS is a thumb sucker and DC2 is still a baby so sorry if its out of turn but surely at 5 you can just take them away?! I can understand when people have a baby/toddler who struggle to give it up but at 5 you can just say these are for babies not big boys and put them in the bin?!

Does he need it to go to sleep or is it now a habit?

MaroonPencil · 28/09/2017 11:45

I think you are right to be worried about his teeth. DS had dummies until he was 4, he was bloody obsessed by them, a little addict, stuffing two in at once if he could. His teeth are now all over the shop, and the dentist did ask whether he had dummies. He will have to have a brace soon. I mean, it's entirely possible he would have had to anyway, but the dentist did link it to dummies without having known that he had used them.

Would peer pressure affect your DS - does he use them when his friends are around or realise others his age don't have them? I used to be similarly addicted to sippy cups at his age and made my mum meet me at the school gates with one, but as soon as I realised nobody else had one, they were consigned to history.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/09/2017 11:49

It wouldn't worry me, tbh. Its not like he's still going to have it at 15, and If he does that's the time to worry.
My dd had her bottle going to bed until she was almost 8. There's been no harm done.

"Father Christmas" wrote her a letter saying Rudolph's friend was having a baby reindeer and he needed her bottles. So she just got them ready and wrapped them up for the new baby reindeer, and That was that.

Ropsleybunny · 28/09/2017 11:49

A five year old does not need a dummy. Take your DS to the dentist and tell the dentist, they will be beyond horrified. Just bin them and tell DH and MIL that's that, as the dentist has said so.

CavoliRiscaldati · 28/09/2017 11:49

I am not sure dummies are great for the teeth at all, but sucking your thumb is just as bad, and much harder to stop.

OP, I would buy a book about the dummy fairy, and organise a "reward" for saying good bye to the dummies.

Some children give theirs for "children in hospital who need them more", others "plant" the dummy in the garden and get a gift, or just get a visit of the dummy fairy. There are so many ways to turn it into a little celebration, and not a punishment.

I would have a problem with a child minder who goes against my guidelines on things like that however, that's not on.

PandorasXbox · 28/09/2017 11:50

Bottle for bed at 8?!?

LadyChatterleysKnickers · 28/09/2017 11:51

There's plenty on line from speech therapists etc about dummies not being great when over used or used too long, you should be able to print a couple off for MiL if you think that might sway her. Might be she's finding it hard to let go of the baby stage. Could you involve her in helping with any kind of dummy fairy party etc so she is part of it and she gets the letting go experience as well as ds? (Will also then make it harder to go back on)

Qvar · 28/09/2017 11:51

I had a dummy until I was six. My teeth are better than my sisters, who never had one. I'm very, very glad my mother didn't take it from me before I was ready as it was a big comfort to me.

RoryItsSnowing · 28/09/2017 11:56

Sort your husband out and tell him to grow a backbone and have a word with his mother.
Tell your son the dummy fairy needs it a lot more than him because he's now a big boy and see if he'll hand it over.
Worst case, go cold turkey and take them away. You'll have an awful few days and then he'll forget all about it.

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 11:56

If it's just for sleep I would have said it's ok.

My 18 mo has one for sleep and illness but I don't let him have it otherwise. He would walk around with it in his mouth all day if I let him.

However I do really hope he doesn't have one at 5!!!

Spikeyball · 28/09/2017 11:57

When is he using it?

RainbowPastel · 28/09/2017 12:19

Just bin them all. It's that easy. No need for weaning off them. Unless there are any special needs. Ridiculous to have a dummy at that age.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2017 12:44

Five is MUCH too old for a dummy! Good grief. Weaning off of them is pointless, and it's time for them to go. Let him know this stage is over and bin them all.

Mittens1969 · 28/09/2017 12:45

There are 2 issues here, the dummy and your MIL interference in your parenting choices. If you don't want your DS having a dummy then that's how it is, your MIL should respect your wishes. Your DH needs to 'grow a pair' and tell her to butt out.

Re the dummy, I do think it's time to bin them. You could tell him that the dummy fairy will take away his dummies and give them to babies who need them. (I like the Santa story as well though. )

Silversun83 · 28/09/2017 12:47

Definitely unreasonable to still have a dummy at that age. Aside from his teeth, what's his speech like? I have a friend who is a speech-therapist who said she can actually tell which children have had dummies and which not by the shape of their palate.

My 16-month-old has had a dummy since she was about five weeks old but only ever for sleep.. It is still a bit of a bug bear of mine and I have toyed with the idea of getting rid of it on more than one occasion. She used to suffer with silent reflux though and has never been a naturally good sleeper. She is just starting to reliably sleep through most nights so not sure I want to rock the boat too much at the moment! I think as soon as her understanding is such that she can understand the dummy fairy though, she will be paying a visit!! I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and I'm not sure I will be giving them a dummy..

Have you tried the dummy fairy?

RavingRoo · 28/09/2017 12:48

Talk to your child about it. Tell him why you need him to stop, and negotiate. At 5 I’d be worrying more about why he feels he still needs the comfort of the dummy, rather than his teeth which can be fixed later. Sometimes it can be something as simple as boredom or having something in his mouth, in which case dummy could be substituted with a sugar free lolly.

Sallycinnamum · 28/09/2017 12:49

My DD was also dummy obsessed and I tried everythung to wean her off them.

Took her to the dentist who said if you don't stop the dummies now she is going to face a lifetime of problems with hee teeth.

That night I bought a little box, we put the dummies in and replaced it with five £1 coins.

She hasn't had a dummy since that night and was 5 when she stopped.

Take control OP and get rid.

Twofishfingers · 28/09/2017 12:51

There is no weaning. Just put them all in the bin and put the bin outside. Tell him you have lost all the dummies. Don't go for some gradual stuff, i'm afraid it's cold turkey.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 28/09/2017 12:54

I have an overbite from having a dummy til i was 5. My top front teeth were stunted then grew outwards not just down.

UnicornRainbowColours · 28/09/2017 12:54

Throw the dummy's away cold turkey...no weaning just throw them away a.

SteppingOnToes · 28/09/2017 12:57

When will your DP deem he is too old. My ex has a daughter who still has a baby bottle of milk at nearly 11 - he doesn't see an issue

CavoliRiscaldati · 28/09/2017 13:13

you can go cold turkey without being unkind! It sounds cruel to bin them in front of him, I like the dummy fairy (or dummy tree) or whatever and a reward gift a lot better.

We are talking about a 5 year old who likes a bit of comfort. It's not good for him, but he's still very little, nothing wrong with being gentle.

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