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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5 year old still has dummy

91 replies

user1498912461 · 28/09/2017 11:38

I'm ashamed to say that my 5 year old DS (almost 6 year old) still has a dummy. I have tried for years to wean him off to no avail. DH sees no problem with him still having a dummy and mil frequently turns up with brand new packets of dummies for DS. DH has said for ages that he will speak to mil but it's always the "wrong moment". Last time she turned up with packs of new dummies for DS I took them off him and hid them. Mil seemed genuinely surprised and said that her children still had dummies at the age of 8! I am very worried about his teeth but DH said him having a dummy until he was 8 did his teeth no harm. I am now made out to be the "bad guy". We have a 11 month old who also has dummies.

OP posts:

BayLeaves · 28/09/2017 16:41

I think some of these comments are really harsh. The fact is that when a child is attached to a dummy by this age it's exactly the same sort of attachment they have with any other comfort object like a blanket or teddy. You wouldn't get comments saying "good grief, 5 is far too old for a teddy, take control and bin it"... I know they're somewhat different things but my point is that if you're going to take them away you have to treat it sensitively and do it in a positive way - dummy fairy etc, as already suggested. Otherwise you're ripping away a comfort object they've had their entire life, at a seemingly arbitrary point in time.

willscott9008 · 28/09/2017 16:48

You could always try the toy shop scenario. Tell him he can have a toy, if he hands the dummy over to the person working at the till, as there is another child who needs the dummy. It might be a bit rough but then theres a new toy to soften the blow and might be easier for him to forget about it.

My mum made me cut mine up with scissors as a child (brutal) but in return I was allowed to choose a book!

willscott9008 · 28/09/2017 16:50

I also like the christmas ideas, but if you think how the first few nights without might be a bit sad for him, maybe the christmas period isn't the best time for tears!

LoyaltyAndLobster · 28/09/2017 16:55

I would be ashamed too if I was still allowing a 5 year old to have a dummy!

OP just throw the dummies away, I do not think you should be waiting until Christmas or his Birthday.

Hillarious · 28/09/2017 16:57

Note to new mums - just don't go down the dummy route in the first place.

PandorasXbox · 28/09/2017 16:58

Don't be daft Bay, children still have teddies well into their teens!

BayLeaves · 28/09/2017 17:00

Hillarious

I've got a 3 year old who recently gave up his dummies (dummy fairy, no hassle) and a 3 month old who has recently started with dummies. Having previously been anti-dummies I would now recommend them to any new mum. They're great

Leeds2 · 28/09/2017 17:03

Read him "The Last Noo Noo" by Jill Murphy, and then discuss the fact that he is too old for dummies now. Then get rid, hopefully with his agreement!
I would also get rid of the baby's dummies too, so there is no temptation for the older one and avoiding this same problem repeating itself in a few years time.

Hillarious · 28/09/2017 17:05

A dummy isn't appropriate for a three year old.

DistanceCall · 28/09/2017 17:08

Its not like he's still going to have it at 15

That's what my aunt used to say about everything related to her son's developmental milestones.

He had to be taught how to tie his shoelaces at 25. By his psychologist.

MaroonPencil · 28/09/2017 17:09

Note to new mums - just don't go down the dummy route in the first place.

Well, that's all very well to say, and I had the same high-handed idea before I had DS1. I held out for three months, three months of nightmare sleeping when he would wake every ten minutes, or refuse to settle for three hours in the middle of the night. When a dummy brings sleep, that is what you are going to do. Even with the dentists comments now, I can't say that I wouldn't still give him a dummy if I had to do it again.

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 17:19

hilarious well, the reason I DID 'go down the dummy route' with dd2, is because dd1 started sucking her fingers at 6 months old. And you can't take a child's fingers away, can you.

Dd2 was not bribed with the promise of new toys. She lived her dummy more than all the toys put together. And she said the dummy-fairy and all the new babies had better look somewhere else for their dummies

It's a comfort. It's a great big fuss over nothing. They'll give up eventually

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 17:53

Note to new mums - just don't go down the dummy route in the first place.

I ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ dummies.

Hillarious · 28/09/2017 17:55

Fair enough, use dummies, but then don't complain when the DC can't give them up.

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 18:11

I 💟💟💟💟💟💟💟 dummies too demonbaby

Mumof217 · 28/09/2017 18:13

Cold turkey is the best i did it when mine hit 18 months old after 2 days they forgot and time they was 2/3 didnt even remember having one lol x

Gottagetmoving · 28/09/2017 18:18

A child will get over you taking a dummy off them. Of course do it nicely, but for goodness sake take control and be a parent.
Sometimes you have to see your child upset. It doesn't kill them for you to be firm over something.
The child is not the problem in these issues, it's the parent.

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 18:19

Fair enough, use dummies, but then don't complain when the DC can't give them up.

A lot do no bother.

ShovellerDuck · 28/09/2017 19:01

So a five year old doesn't need a dummy, so ditch the babyish habit. Try saying on here that a two year old doesn't need breastfeeding and it's inappropriate. It's nobody's business if you do or don't allow dummies, thumbs or boobs at age one, four or eight.

EggysMom · 28/09/2017 19:20

Our ASD son gave up his dummies by cold turkey when he was 7 - our decision, not his. Before that for the last couple of years, he'd only be allowed them in bed. We do still have one dummy, on standby, in case he gets poorly and needs the reassurance (his level of comprehension is low).

gingeristhenewblack43 · 28/09/2017 19:25

I did the dummy fairy thing with DD when she was 5, she chose a toy she wanted, wrapped her dummy in a box, got her present the next morn. Within a week she started sucking her thumb, and still does at almost 6yo

Rocketbuddies · 28/09/2017 19:26

A 5 year old having a dummy doesn't compare to a 2 year old breastfeeding at all though

To do either is a personal parenting preference but they are completely different, breastfeeding until two and beyond is endorsed by the WHO and advised by health professionals because of the huge benefits to both mother and child.

Having a dummy whilst it brings comfort to the child is really a man made subsititute for a teat or nipple and long term use can cause problems with speech and teeth and has very few actual benefits.

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 19:29

I rate 'comfort' as a great benefit rocket.

And it is often cited as a benefit of extended breast feeding

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 19:30

Plus, I have never met any child whose speech or teeth have been affected

I think some kids are just 'suckers' ginger

Zebrasinpyjamas · 28/09/2017 19:31

I made ds give his up after the dentist said it was effecting his teeth. He absolutely loved his dummy (he only had it at night). I had hoped he would give up the dummy of his own accord but there were no signs it was going to happen. He was 3yrs 3 months old. We talked about it with him for a couple of weeks then said the dummy fairy was taking them for a present. (it was a much coveted item). Amazingly he accepted this as OK. There were tears at night for a week though and he tried to substitute his dummy for sucking his duvet or fingers for a while. A few months on, he still mentions his dummy especially if he's sad but he knows it isn't coming back.

He never sneaks dd2's dummies but (purely by accident) they are a different shape/style so had no appeal for him.

I think cold Turkey plus a bribe is the easiest way!

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