To think that just because I don't mention my sexuality doesn't mean I have "internalised homophobia"?

[Wasp86]

I am an extremely private person (no social media, don’t like giving away unnecessary personal details at work, etc).

Recently I’ve got this acquaintance who upon accidentally finding out about my girlfriend, has taken it upon herself to refer to me as “my gay friend my name” on Facebook. Told her to stop it and she went on a tirade as to how I should be “proud and not ashamed”.

I am not “ashamed” of being gay. To me, it’s just another part of my life and like all other parts of my life, something that I’d prefer to be kept private. AIBU for thinking she’s being ridiculous and invasive?

This is a problem. Can you ask her not to mention you at all on FB and delete the posts referring to you? Just tell her you like your privacy and she's invading it. And that by specifically picking you out to mention as gay is actually homophobic unless she also mentions her heterosexual friends as such in her posts. Take it gently and she may do it.

I have a nephew who is totally off line and got his mother to remove pix of his newborn on her page which he'd heard about from relatives. She understood his reservations and did so.

But clearly we have little recourse against people abusing snaps/chat etc on social media.

BTW you are on social media, OP, because you've posted here. I can understand why you did it. Good luck.

YANBU at all. I remember years ago finding out that a friend who had another friend with the same first name as me was choosing to distinguish us by referring to me as "lesbian Sarah" - it was quite hard for to articulate quite how irritating and reductive that felt, but to her credit, she apologised straight away and stopped doing it.
She sounds very juvenile and insensitive.

Her making this a big deal is surely a form of homophobia? I'd say your approach is absolutely healthy. Because your orientation is normal and completely no one's business anyway, why should you do a big reveal?