To think that just because I don't mention my sexuality doesn't mean I have "internalised homophobia"?

[Wasp86]

I am an extremely private person (no social media, don’t like giving away unnecessary personal details at work, etc).

Recently I’ve got this acquaintance who upon accidentally finding out about my girlfriend, has taken it upon herself to refer to me as “my gay friend my name” on Facebook. Told her to stop it and she went on a tirade as to how I should be “proud and not ashamed”.

I am not “ashamed” of being gay. To me, it’s just another part of my life and like all other parts of my life, something that I’d prefer to be kept private. AIBU for thinking she’s being ridiculous and invasive?

She’s using you as a badge for herself ‘look how progressive I am, I have a gay friend!’
It’s her own internal homophobia she’s subconsciously trying to deny.

Make it clear that she is never to force anyone out of the closet - your sexuality is none of her business. Defriend or block her on fb.

I don't noramlly swear but have you tried referring to her as 'my cunt friend, Mary' ? that might shut her up

Reducing you to her ‘gay friend’ is homophobic in itself. You’re not a trophy. What a bellend. Unfriend her.

Refer to her as 'my idiot friend'

Totally unacceptable. You can say as much or as little as you want to about yourself, that's your choice, and she is treating you like a cardboard cut out 'prop' in her life by referring to you in that way.

Unfriend. She's a fool.

“Okay (referring to my fourth request for her to stop it) sighs but I find it really sad that you feel the need to hide such a wonderful part of yourself from the rest of the world.”

I would respond as follows:

I am not hiding anything. I find it rather patronising that you assume I am not "proud" just because I'm not advertising every aspect of my life on social media. It's nobody else's business - including you. What I am asking you to do, is to stop showing off to your friends and using me as an example of how "right on" you are because you have a gay friend. I am not a token or a prop. Quite frankly it's insulting and offensive that you can't see how cliched this is.

Yep it is her trying to show how "right on" she is!

If she does it again I'd be tempted to post -"I might be gay but I'm not your friend!"

Oh my god, she's tokenising you. How fucking rude!

I assume she introduces everyone else as, "my heterosexual friend" and so on?

No, thought not.

Point this out to her.

Thanks for the responses. Short reply cause I’m at work. Unfortunately I can’t really avoid her if she continues because she’s the volunteer coordinator at the home for the aged I volunteer at.

Does she refer to her other friends as 'my straight friend Sarah' or whatever? I doubt it. She's being a dick.

Sounds like she's overcompensating to me. YANBU.

Very much she's advertising how broadminded she is, while actually being nothing of the sort.

"Please stop referring to me as your "gay friend Wasp" because whilst I am indeed gay, I am most certainly not your friend."

So whilst not exactly a hate crime, this behaviour is unacceptable, esp as she is in a role where she should know better and is responsible for your wellbeing, effectively your manager.
Can you speak to her manager, your union rep or hr to say you are being harassed? Or just threaten that you will do this? She will put ppl off volunteering. Is there a support group for volunteers?
I think she is winding you up now because she knows it pisses you off.
How will she treat a gay volunteer or service user? Training issue at least! Look at organisation equality policy and grievance procedures

Preface all your posts with 'my straight friend X' and see how she likes it.

This winds me up something chronic. There's no need to mention it, and it's your decision whether or not you make a big deal out of it.

Actually, I don't think calling her your straight friend would affect her at all. She would probably play on it and act as if she's somehow 'special' as she's one of your 'rare' straight friends. She's a homophobic cunt, no matter how she tries to dress it up. The fact that she insists on calling you that, means that she's almost treating you like a trophy. I would post a public comment, pointing out that a person is worth more than a 'label' or something like that. I'm sure the posters here can come up with something profound.

It's not really any of my business about anyone else's sexuality. If anyone introduced me to someone as 'x, my gay friend' I would wonder why the hell they were sharing that with me (unless it was in any way relevant).

@PovertyPain yeah you're probably right.

Referring you to you as her gay friend is stupid.
But I would wonder why someone who had a partner, whether gay or straight, never mentioned them. That seems more than just being a private person.

This is totally outrageous. It's your decision whom you tell, when you tell them, and how you talk about it. This isn't just a matter of courtesy - it's a safety issue, in a world where not everyone is OK with LGBTQ folk.

She needs to stop, now. I'd give her an absolute roasting over email, to be honest.

I'd be seriously if a supposed friend referred to me as her "mixed race friend Big Choc"
When not relevant to the topic being discussed, it's just treating people as 1D objects