To think that just because I don't mention my sexuality doesn't mean I have "internalised homophobia"?

[Wasp86]

I am an extremely private person (no social media, don’t like giving away unnecessary personal details at work, etc).

Recently I’ve got this acquaintance who upon accidentally finding out about my girlfriend, has taken it upon herself to refer to me as “my gay friend my name” on Facebook. Told her to stop it and she went on a tirade as to how I should be “proud and not ashamed”.

I am not “ashamed” of being gay. To me, it’s just another part of my life and like all other parts of my life, something that I’d prefer to be kept private. AIBU for thinking she’s being ridiculous and invasive?

She is ridiculous and invasive. Unless she starts referring to all her friends as straight/gay, then she is being discriminatory.
She is attempting to use you to signal her own broadmindedness. Rude.

YANBU it's totally up to you which part of your life you share.

I don't even really have any specific sexual preferences (I guess the phrase is pansexual, but I hate it) and I don't really feel the need to tell people tbh.

YANBU.

Also by referring to you as 'my gay friend' is she not implying that she only thinks of you as a one-dimensional character, rather than a multifaceted human?

She's being an immature idiot, YANBU. Perhaps point out that you may be gay, but certainly not her friend if that's how she treats them?

WTF is she on about?! You don't have to be a private person to not want to be referred to by your sexuality!

Next time you see her say 'Hi she who likes anal!' really loudly.

“Okay (referring to my fourth request for her to stop it) sighs but I find it really sad that you feel the need to hide such a wonderful part of yourself from the rest of the world.” ???????????????????

She sounds crazy. "Wonderful part of yourself" wtaf?

Start calling her your shit straight friend and see how she takes it?

Some people just don't get that you don't want every single part of your life laid bare for others. I always laugh when I meet people I vaguely know who are so shocked I've got a toddler they don't know about - like it's any of their business!

So if she has a black friend she would refer to them as her black friend? I doubt it. Tell her that first and foremost you are a human being, your sexual preferences are just one part of you, you are a private person and do not want her to stick a label on you. I agree with another post, she is trying to signal her own broadmindness. If she persists you might have to be more forthright, sand try to avoiding her.

Or introduce her as your irritating bitchy friend.

You were patient! I'd be frothing at the mouth.

I'd say I'm not hiding, I just don't wish to be a poster girl for your right on credentials.

Reply with something like:
'I prefer to be known as a multifaceted human being with a complex and individual identity. Naming me by my sexual preference is a one dimensional label that diminishes me to only my choice of partners. I also find it rude, being a private person I dont appreciate others labelling me in this way. It's unnecessary, irrelevant and instrusive. Please stop. I've asked you 4 times now.

It is not up to her how you present. It is up to you. You can be as flagrant or closeted as you like. It is your life.

It is bullying by her to refuse to acknowledge that. "My gay friend wasp" reveals 1. How few gay people she knows and 2. How much she is othering you. You are more than just your sexuality.

Perhaps at a stretch in a discussion about secuality she could say. "Well my gay friends have told me x" but even then referring to you by name is not on.

I'm an old married lady gay with children. All my work colleagues know. But few of my clients do. I see no reason to come out 20 times a day for the rest of my working life. They think I am straight and I just don't bother correcting them. Although one also thinks I'm a grandmother and keeps asking after the grandchildren. Im an old lesbian. Not that old. After I corrected him a few times, i now just tell him they are very well thanks.

Yanbu. But I'm not sure you can stop her if she isn't stopping after you have told her 4 times

Also you might have internalized homophobia (lots of us do. Often based on experience from external homophobia). But as you are making decisions solely about your own life not anyone else's, would that matter? It still isn't her choice about how out you are

I've got a lot of friends who happen to be gay. If I'm talking about one of them to a third party, I would only mention their sexuality if it was relevant eg ''Does your friend wasp have a boyfriend?'' ''No, she's gay, she's got a girlfriend.'' Their sexuality is a small part of them to me.

I agree with you, I used to go out drinking with a gay friend who used to introduce me as straight. It was fucking annoying.

You might need to be much more assertive with her op, as it is a terrible intrusion on your privacy. I am also not on social media and I would hate to be on there, so I feel your pain.

Remind her she is not your friend, otherwise she would stop, you quite rightly do not refer to her as a friend.

I would remind her there consequences to her decision to keep posting this way. Those options range from informing her employers to having her charged with a communications offence, your sexuality protects you even more in this instance. Either way the time for dealing with this gently is probably over if you have asked her four times already. Time to tell her straight, it is her last chance. She is capitalising on this hoping to get some kind deflected attention from informing the world of your sexuality, it is not her place to do this and is obscene.

Get tough with her now you are being too nice.

I would ask if that's what she thought was the most insteresting thing about me, seeing as she is so keen to promote it.

Honestly she sounds like an idiot for writing it, then a massive moron for going on to argue and not respect you. UANBU

I would hate that (I'm asexual). Is there something about herself that she would prefer to keep private? I'd refer to her like ie 'Oh my friend with genital warts/third nipple' ... if she questions it just say 'Don't be silly, it's nothing to be ashamed of'!

It's a pretty sad reflection on her attitudes, not yours.

Who in their right mind who post on social media "my gay/straight/bi-sexual/black/white/disabled/high-IQ friend"?

Unless it's directly relevant to a point she's trying to make, and even then it's rude naming you - make the point without justifying it with your tacit "approval" because you're "other".

She’s virtue-signalling. What an idiot.

Yanbu - you don't have internalised homophobia. You don't want to be labelled and defined by one single aspect of your personality. That's fine. Sounds like she may be trying clumsily to overcome her own perhaps unintentional homophobia that she is trying to shake off by virtue-signalling using you as a prop.

I think it is virtue signalling - she is trying to demonstrate how "right on" she is. Sickening isn't it

I would say anyone who needs to endlessly refer to your sexuality is not as comfortable with it as they'd like to pretend they are.

Also, she's a twat.

What a fucking idiot.

'there's many wonderful things about me, but if you don't stop labelling me every time you mention me I'll very soon be you gay ex-friend'