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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Obnoxious teens hogging pavement. WWYD?

107 replies

Tobythecat · 26/09/2017 12:04

I've just walked 20 mins to my mums house (I have ASD) which is difficult for me and sometimes I just can't do it. I'm terrified of crossing roads or being around cars and the noise just freaks me out. I get derealization because of the sensory overload.

I'm walking up a hill with a narrow pavement next to a busy main road. This narrow pavement has a bus stop, so all the local college teens congregate there, they are so busy being loud, looking at phones that they don't hear me saying excuse me. I panicked not knowing what to do and went to walk onto the road but a car was coming fast towards me so I just said excuse me and barged past. They shouted something at me like "don't touch me". WIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleTango · 26/09/2017 14:36

The scenario you describe sounds like typical teenagers socialising during their lunch time tbh

Which part of standing in a crowd, looking at their phones and generally being loud was them being "obnoxious". Is there more to this story OP?

Sorry you have difficulties with being outside but I can't, for the life of me, see why the teenagers are to blame.

Next time make it clear you need to pass. Teenagers belong in the human race - they will move if they are aware they are blocking your way.

RunningOutOfCharge · 26/09/2017 14:38

bananas so how can you tell if these people you march up to are disabled or not?

They may have ASD issues similiar to op....

FlowerPot1234 · 26/09/2017 14:40

NerrSnerr
If it was a group of mums with prams blocking the pavement or some older people having a chat would it be ok to barge past them if they didn't hear the OP say excuse me?

Why is anybody blocking pavements at all? Confused

No matter where I am, at a bus stop, bumping into friends in the street, we make sure we are not blocking people and move to the side, making sure there is a clear path. It's respectful, decent behaviour.

mydogisthebest · 26/09/2017 14:40

I live near to a school and find the girls are much much ruder than the boys.

If I am walking alone or with my dog and there is a group of boys coming towards me they always seem to move to let me through. Often I will hear one say along the lines of "let this lady through" and they move.

The girls not only do not move an inch they tend to stare me out as though daring me to say something. On the whole they are rude and obnoxious. Sometimes I end up walking in the road which really annoys me, sometimes I say "excuse me" reasonably loudly which they almost always ignore so I have no choice but to walk through them.

I can't believe some posters are making excuses for the teenagers. They were plain rude

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2017 14:42

Flower people shouldn't block pavements, but they do (especially when there's a narrow path at the bus stop) but people shouldn't barge others out of the way.

FlowerPot1234 · 26/09/2017 14:55

NerrSnerr
Flower people shouldn't block pavements, but they do (especially when there's a narrow path at the bus stop)

Then they're rude. And if there's a narrow path, line up along it. There's a particular bus stop on Oxford Street which had building works next to it, making the pavement narrow outside the shops. Most adults would line up along the kerb. Teenagers would stand in a crowd blocking the pavement. Endless "excuse me"s, endless squeezing to get past them, endless reminders to shock them out of their thoughtless stupor, endless reminders that they were IN THE DAMN WAY, they didn't move, people had to barge through them, and they'd stand exactly where they were again. Idiots.

ravenmum · 26/09/2017 14:59

I agree that there are some people who just don't think, and block the way. Unfortunately, all the justified outrage in the world is not going to make them stop doing it, so it's worth developing a strategy for how to deal with it if you find that sort of thing hard. Personally I find a non-confrontational approach less stressful to myself.

InsomniacAnonymous · 26/09/2017 14:59

mydogisthebest I have exactly the same experience, that boys are very polite and girls are very rude.

motherinferior · 26/09/2017 15:00

Most teenagers at bus stops and the like are perfectly nice people if a bit overenthusiastic about crowding together. I'm another one who says firmly "excuse me, can I just get through", possibly throwing in an absent-minded Darling as I have two teens of my own, and they usually shuffle out of the way obligingly.

Nikephorus · 26/09/2017 15:01

Speaking up is 'easier' than panicking, having to avoid getting run over, barging through and dealing with snarky comments.
No actually it isn't. Panicking is a reflex & requires no input at all, it just happens by itself. Speaking up ADDS to the panicking because it needs a mental "building up" to achieve it.
And like a PP has said, how difficult is it for people of any age who are waiting around to keep an eye out for others and move out of their way? OP said excuse me, that should be more than enough to prompt them.

QueenOfTheSardines · 26/09/2017 15:08

Advice to OP has included
Walk in the (busy) road
Don't go out

This is not productive to my mind.

QueenOfTheSardines · 26/09/2017 15:10

I agree with PP that tapping them is a bad idea, most people wouldn't like to be unexpectedly touched by a stranger.

notacooldad · 26/09/2017 15:17

Many teens are half deaf due to endless crappy music
You mean music you don't like?
Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it's crap?

motherinferior · 26/09/2017 15:25

Many teens are very nice. They tend to splurge all over the pavement a bit, but they are also delightful.

BishopBrennansArse · 26/09/2017 15:49

What bananas said.
I’m sick of saying excuse me to people and being roundly ignored. I still take part in this exercise in futility but generally have to sit and wait until someone looks down and sees me.
Why do people congregate in such a selfish, thoughtless way?

WaxOnFeckOff · 26/09/2017 17:08

Advice to OP has included
Walk in the (busy) road
Don't go out

This is not productive to my mind.

I agree, but I also think that demonising a whole generation and calling them obnoxious for perfectly normal if a bit inconsiderate behaviour is also not productive.

I really get that the OP has issues and it must be very difficult, but I don't think it's helpful for people to make it out that it was okay to just barge through these children and that they were behaving obnoxiously.

QueenOfTheSardines · 26/09/2017 18:07

I think when you've got mental health issues interacting with the world can be so very hard.

It often seems that the world is built for some types of people and not really others at all - people with disabilities, babies or small children, elderly people, many sorts of people seem to be not catered to. I get that urban design etc was always all about the "norm" but to be honest women with kids, people with mobility issues etc are hardly rare so it's good that town / transport planners and the like are starting to take this into account,

I do feel for the OP though it's awful to feel this way, so isolating.

BishopBrennansArse · 26/09/2017 18:11

Being as autism is a social communication disability and not a mental health issue...

helpfulperson · 26/09/2017 18:12

Two tips for you

1 - remember they are being thoughtless, not intentionally awkward or obnoxious. This mindset helps make them seem less intimidating.

2 - don't try and talk to all of them. A generalised 'excuse me' will be ignored in many cases. Just target one of them nearest to you and say 'excuse me - can I squeeze through please' and generally that one will shoo the others out of the way.

I can totally understand why dealing with this when you have ASD could be confusing and difficult but remember most people are nice most of the time.

QueenOfTheSardines · 26/09/2017 18:16

Oh sorry Bishops I was thinking of myself, I had PND and anxiety for years and felt much like the OP a lot of the time and so stopped going out, I apologise sincerely for that, I was over-empathising and remembering my own experiences. Again apologies I really am very sorry indeed and will try to take more care with posts in future and also maybe think more carefully before writing and I don't know I expect there are some other things to consider as well to stop making these sorts of errors.

The point about people with disabilities is valid though I think, there are so many people with all sorts of issues who can struggle with this day to day stuff out there in the world.

QueenOfTheSardines · 26/09/2017 18:18

Of course maybe it's all completely different and I shouldn't have said anything at all.

Reading her post though it really brought back those strong feelings of fear, panic, dread, and imminent harm, and I suppose it just took me right back and I was posting from that perspective.

QueenOfTheSardines · 26/09/2017 18:18

God I feel really bad now. Sorry everybody for that. I hope it hasn't derailed things too much or upset anyone.

WaxOnFeckOff · 26/09/2017 18:25

Queen don't worry about it. Often people can have the same experiences without having the same diagnosis.

helpfulperson has indeed been a very helpful person here. I agree totally and that's sort of what I was trying to say.

I don't think it's right to agree with and to convince the OP that the behaviour she encountered was obnoxious. That's justifying the reaction which while totally understandable, was disproportionate. It's better for the OP to understand that this wasn't personal and whilst rude was rude by youthful exuberance combined with poor street layout reasons and wasn't intended to make the OP feel bad or uncomfortable etc.

ZenHeadbutt · 26/09/2017 18:38

Advice to OP has included
Walk in the (busy) road
Don't go out

This is not productive to my mind

I agree that suggesting the OP doesn't go out is bad advice (although I'm not sure anyone actually said that Hmm ). However advising the OP to carry on barging through groups of teens is even worse advice. It's confrontational and if she does it to the 'wrong' group of teens then they may react nastily or even physically. They won't know she has SN and may not think to make any allowences. I doubt that getting shouted at by a group of teens is going to help the OP.
.

Mittens1969 · 26/09/2017 18:51

No, no one has said the OP shouldn't go out as far as I can recall. The OP herself said that it might be better if she didn't go out, but this will be because she has agoraphobia.

I hope you don't stop going out, OP, you need the fresh air apart from anything else.