To wonder how much breastfeeding matters 14 years on?

[ringle]

Genuine question. I bf both my kids with relatively few problems, mostly because I found it enjoyable.

But looking back it doesn't seem that big a deal.

What's prompted this is a couple of people testifying on another thread that their ongoing efforts to bf drove them to depression.

What are the stats?

gierg DS1 fed for 24 hours non-stop at 6 weeks, I nearly lost my mind. It gets better very quickly, I promise!

iona you did incredibly - there is so much ignorance amongst HCPs re: breastfeeding. I sought no advice with DS2 because I remembered the nonsense I was told the first time around.

Someone asked why blame bf over the other stresses of having a newborn - for me it was absolutely the biggest source of anxiety. I barely had any milk and DS1 acted like he hated it - I felt rejected and angry at him and embarrassed and guilty, but also scared of him starving. FF made all that fear go away.

I didn't actually realise how much DS1 hated boob until I had DS2, who fed nicely for 2 whole weeks before a midwife told me he hadn't gained enough and I had to supplement NOW. Ah ha ha ha. Fun times.

I agree with whoever said that the impact of feeling rejected by your baby is a big deal....

I was exclusively BF by my Mum.
I am overweight, have had all manner of ailments throughout my life and I'm academically average.

The opposite can be said for my DD who was exclusively FF. From birth.

all 3 of mine were ff. you could not meet more robust children or adults. despite long running asthma and eczema in both sides of the family they have dodged it.
go figure!

LaContessaDiPlump I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But as you said the impact of feeling rejected by your baby is a big deal that is self imposed pressure or at the very least an internally-generated feeling. Not because you read an article that says breast is best right?

DD cried a lot when I held her and I felt like if I weren't BF she'd love me more because she only associated me with milk, and when she was full she had no use for me. So I had the same feeling of rejection even though I wasn't struggling with BF.

Seems to me new mothers are awash in a sea of hormones, pain, fear, etc and to blame only one particular aspect of the experience for PPD seems off to me.

18 years on here and it doesn't matter to me one bit. I did a few miserable weeks of BF then switched to FF for my sanity.

In fact it wasn't until I joined MN that I even thought about BF as it just really isn't on my radar any more.

Maybe it makes a difference, maybe it doesn't. I bf mine but plenty of their friends were bottle fed and it's not something I give any thought to now. What matters most is that they were (and are) loved and that, regardless of how they were fed, the parents did the best they could.
All any of us can do is do our best and it's important not to let the strive for perfection stop us from doing our best.

Anecdotes aren't helpful though (I'm guilty of this, too). MN is a largely self-selecting group of women who, on the whole, are keen to parent in a way that is supported by evidence. Research suggests that there are benefits to BF, we know what these benefits are, but BF doesn't outweigh all the other things parents do for their babies and children.

We should, however, be righteously angry about the dirty tricks formula companies have employed in the past, and should be seeking to support mum's who want to and are able to BF.

the impact of feeling rejected by your baby is a big deal that is self imposed pressure or at the very least an internally-generated feeling. Not because you read an article that says breast is best right?

The feeling was in part self-generated, but heavily bolstered by the ubiquitous SO safe, SO natural, SO easy message evangelised by the NCT (which I attended). They sold BF as a sure thing, so I had the added humiliation of failing at something that wss sold to me as a piece of cake. I do understand your POV about only being viewed as a milk source though.

I have wondered if women who are used to overcoming obstacles with the power of their brains might struggle more with anxiety in bf. It's not an issue that can be overcome by any set means, and that can be very frightening for women who've progressed in their degrees/careers based firmly on the belief that all issues can be overcome if you just keep applying Brain.

LaContessaDiPlump more educated women are actually more likely to BF so I don't think that's the case in general - although for particular individuals it could be an issue.

maybe it only feels like pressure if you don't want to?

I wanted to breastfeed but never felt pressured to.

Parents in law formula fed both sisters in law with SMA or similar, then when DH was born it was 'the thing' to feed babies on Carnation milk powder - so that was all he had. He was a very chubby baby, but a slim adult, fared as well as his sisters. I loved BF, but I agree with your OP about perspective changing as they get older.

I haven't read the thread so apologies if I repeat etc.

I have breastfed both my children (still feeding the 14 month old). I was bottle fed. I am completely fine, never ill etc. However, I do have an underdeveloped jaw which could be linked to not breastfeeding.

From a personal level I also do feel slightly cross at my own mother for not even attempting to breastfeed me. Despite all of the evidence that it is best, not even a drop of colostrum. I do think she feels a bit strange about it now that I have (and am) breast fed. She has realised that it's a matter of perseverance sometimes, not just finding it sore after 2 days and stopping (my older brother).

This is my personal opinion on a personal matter and not, I hasten to add, a reflection on bottle feeding in general as I don't give a shit what anyone else does.

It does matter though, doesn't it? Breast fed babies do get a better start. There is a lot of evidence. I don't think we should belittle that because some people are unable to breastfeed.

Yes, of course you're not going to be able to tell by looking at a child whether they were bf, but breastmilk IS amazing and if's ridiculous to say it's irrelevant.

fascinating!!

wish I didn't have to go to work....

quick note to crumbs - many thanks for responding. I will read after work

DD1 FF now 21 is the brighter and healthier child, DD2 was BF for 2 years.

Both have eczema and allergies and DD2 has persistent infections. More important is the environment and genetics in my opinion.

From a personal level I also do feel slightly cross at my own mother for not even attempting to breastfeed me

How old are you? There was a period when FF was the thing to do so if that's the case it would be silly to condemn your mum for not BF. I was born in the early 70s and I wasn't BF at all, like you, not even colostrum. I am one of the anecdotal healthy FF kids as I have a much better immune system than my BF husband does.

I mixed fed from day one, so ds got the colostrum and some breast milk, he was terrible at feeding so it was just a case of getting any old milk down him any old how to keep him alive. I gave up bf completely at around 16 weeks old.

I think everything else we do in life has much more to do with the life chances and health of our children than how we feed them as babies. Take your kid to McDonalds every day ,let them eat loads of sweets and drive them to school when they could walk or cycle, and they'll get fat regardless of whether you bf or ff.

The promotion of FF in countries where there is no reliable supply of clean water is a big problem, but it's also a seperate issue (and I do wonder, a little, whether all those women being told not to FF actually have access to enough food for themselves to produce enough milk, or whether the pro-BF propaganda is more about ignoring the poverty in such countries...)

You might also bear in mind that, for centuries, most wealthy/educated/high-status women did their best to shunt off the job of feeding the babies to someone else - that was what wet nurses were for. Because BFing babies is demanding and boring and painful and difficult for quite a lot of women and they would rather do something else... You get elements of the privileged whinyarse 'natural everything is best' mindset that only pampered, unimaginative people can really have, as others know that life without medical/scientific innovations is not all that good.

I could equally add -

my dsis was exclusively ff
I was exclusively bf for 4 months (and kudos to my dm for doing this when ff was all the rage).
I have higher IQ, better health and healthy weight.
However, my single anecdote is worth nothing in terms of overall population outcomes.

Of course, I could tell you that on a personal level bf was much better for me as a mother - convenient, more sleep, more downtime, relaxing etc etc.
And I think better at the time for my babies as they were fed as soon as they asked, were quite calm, non-stressy babies and got to go everywhere with me!
But that's where the 'best for me and my baby as individual people' comes in.

The evidence for 'best for the population as a whole' is firmly on the side of bf. But undoubtedly, ff is still best for some mothers and babies.

Havne't really RTFT but i just want to say one thing

If you FF DON'T LIE to your children. Don't say you didn't have enough milk when you then needed injections to stop the milk. - and yes, I'm looking at you mother.

As an obese, eczema sufferer with some intolerances and bowel issues I never related it to FF and to be honest I never cared I was FF as the story was "I wasn't putting on enough weight so my mother didn't have enough milk"

only after BF my eldest and realising she was finding her line and didn't put weight on as fast as the HV wanted, but went to the 9th centile where she still is 5 years on... my mother tells me then that she needed injections to stop the milk and maybe I should listen to the doctors and give formula...

So yes, now, 40 years on I do blame her for quitting (only in my mind, I wouldn't tell her) and I somehow blame her for my health issues

And I BF my eldest for 3 years and the youngest is going the same way

I wouldn't say breast is BEST as such, breast is THE NORM, it's what we as MAMMALS are supposed to eat as babies

By the time dd was 14, I had realised that the problems we had with bf'ing were part of a far larger problem that will be with her all her life.

So yes, the memory was, and still is, painful: not because feeding in itself was so important but because of what it signified. And because it was the first in a long series of decisions I took that turned out to be harmful to her. That still hurts and always will.

It's funny because I hardly ever think much about what I did when dd was little but now I have answered two posts recently about this. My dd is 13 and I wonder if how I parented her as a baby had much effect compared to others who did things differently? I was very into attachment parenting at the time and extended breast fed her till she was 4. She is pretty healthy and slim but who can say if this is due to breast feeding or just good genes, she looks like her dad who is also naturally slim. She is pretty much on a par with her friends at school and working at the expected level for her age.

Also (now reading the posts ahead of me), realising that a good deal of the harmful decisions I made were because I wanted to think of myself as the Perfect Parent, in a very Scandinavian earth-mother kind of way: the parent who was dedicated to breastfeeding, the parent who had healthy outdoorsy children, the parent who was brisk and no-nonsense, the parent whose child would happily walk for hours and sleep under the stars.

So despite being highly educated, or perhaps because of being highly educated, I was extremely vulnerable to pressure to turn dd into something she could never be.

Insisting on breast-feeding put her in hospital with malnutrition. Insisting on the healthy outdoors lifestyle probably did permanent damage to her joints.