... To just scream FUCK IT ALL and shove them in the local primary.

[Mrsfullhouse]

Good god I'm exhausted. I have three beautiful DC's. DS1 in Reception, DS2 in nursery and DD in year 6. All at a lovely prep school. So far so good....

However, by the ripe old age of 10, my DD has managed to become a rather excellent singer a consummate LAMDA exam taker and very talented hockey player, so all of my time is spent running her around to fixtures/ training/ concerts/ practices/ performances/ exams... you get the picture. DH is at rugby on Saturdays, so it is invariably me that does all the running around because he's either working or too tired on a Sunday. I just seem to spend my life in the car. This excludes all of the actual travel to and from the lovely prep (bloody miles away). Extra travel for all of the lovely things that they do that nice mummies actually turn up to an clap politely as they watch little Horatio murder a violin in cold blood. Plus all the lovely coffee dates- oh and you know, the actual job that I do... that I barely have time for.

The thing is, her lovely prep has encouraged DD to pursue these avenues having 'discovered' her talents- along with a million other things that if she had gone to the local primary, I'm pretty sure I would have been too smugly lazy to even think about. That is no reflection on state school mummies- I know some super-tiger ones.... but I would probably been awful and not even let her join recorder club because- well, who the fuck wants to listen to the fucking recorder.

So this is my life now, and I barely have time to think, let alone spend time polishing my turd enough to look acceptable in public.

I love the lovely prep.... but I think about how ridiculous it is now, and in a few years time I will have three actively participating in all of this shit. No doubt they will stumble upon some glorious talent that DS1 has that will involve me traversing the country, burning £50 notes and chucking them out of the car window as I go.

So, would it be unreasonable to just shout FUCK IT ALL, pull them out, stick them in the lovely, but not as lovely as lovely prep, primary and spend my evenings and weekends drinking very very cold wine and talking to my chickens?

Anybody else just feel like, as much as they love their DC's and their wonderful talents, they wish that they'd just never fucking encouraged them in the first place?

Are you a stay at home mum OP?

Do you own a judgemental dog? That fb page is fucking ridiculous too

One of the great unwashed here. No 1 kid does 2 instruments and sings, and also goes 4 sports-2 of which are mean Cerys etc before and after school. No 2 kid does 2 sports so far and 1 x instrument. All at a state school, imagine that. They're also very sociable so we have true usual running around for that But my DP and I are equals so we spilt the dropping off picking up etc.

Haven't RTFT but I think I know what OP means; it is not a bash at state schooling nor the implication that state children are devoid of ex curricular activities, it is the way that some private schools in an attempt to make money "bring out" natural talent in the DC and they are expected to jump aboard with every activity. My friend's dd just moved from state to private due to specific SEN and within a week got 3 reports on how she is a "natural" at singing, water polo and netball and needs further tuition in order to finely tune her skills. My friend thought this was hilarious as a musician she knows that her Dd can't sing a note, but the music teacher said she is already at grade 3 standard

Bloody hell Sukitea, schools and tutors should not be blithely going around saying that.

Morning
Feeling much brighter today, DH did the 5.30 dog walk so I could have lie in- until 6, which was much better. Spoke to DD over breakfast... Drama is going!! It turns out she's a bit fed up with having to cram it all in too. Hockey has to stay as she's county and has made a commitment to that, but we're going to try and cut out 1 training session a week so that we have a life. Singing can be done at school, but I've said that she can't enter all of the festivals etc. Just a select (very) few.
I felt dreadful this morning waking my 4 year old Ds1 up at 6.15 so he could get dressed for school. They have to be out of the house by 7.15 which just seems fucking ridiculous. He's still so tiny.

Off to work today to see about re-arranging my hours. I work 4 days, but finish early(ish) on two of them so going to try and squidge it all in to three full days, that way I can still volunteer at the school- i really don't want to let them down, plus I really really love it. That way DS2 (three) can have a day off of nursery (he goes 4 days a week and has 1 day with MIL whilst I volunteer) and we can have a whole day together- talking to chickens and I can just snuggle him and hold his little hand all day. I hadn't realised just how much I miss him. I can also pick up DS1 early on my day off and the three of us can do something nice like.... well I don't know!! Fingers crossed boss goes for it!

No, I don't have a judgey dog- the irony is, I find that FB page super irritating! I just have a normal, none judgey sprocker, who currently has that shits, so that's just..... magnificent.

I have managed to be awake for nearly two hours and not used any pseudo latin phrases, called anyone by their surname or said the word 'LOVELY'. Neither have a posted on facebook a post of how glorious my children are and aren't they clever and fabulous and look at their shiny medal (despite waking up to a barrage of them)

I'm trying really hard to be less twatty and more myself.
It's going to be hard, but hopefully I'll get there.

Poor you OP. Let me get my tiny violin out for you.

I used to work in a private school and some of the children were hothoused within an inch of their lives. Very often these large families seemed to have children all born with a multitude of talents and abilities. the parents were pretty much the worst too: mental overinvested in the school; nothing was good enough; always complaining; a nightmare to all the other parents.
There were times when they made me feel a bit of a crap parent with two state-educated daughters that only attend 3 or so clubs a week each, but I also felt quite smug in the knowledge that my kids are probably emotionally more stable and far nicer

Do you own a judgemental dog? That fb page is fucking ridiculous too

Oh I quite like that page ! Slot of what she moans about is spot on

Oh MrsFullhouse, I do like you. You have well and truly redeemed yourself on this thread. Good for you, it takes huge strength of character to recognise one's weaknesses (not that you actually seem to have many).

Oh and don't stop using lovely. I do so all the time. It's the best word and when writing thank you notes I have to keep finding synonyms for it to describe the food, company, house etc...!

Hard to do lighthearted when having to do much of the above with kids at two different pleb local schools whilst working full time as a single parent.

Do you have any idea how ridiculously entitled you sound? It's your life a if you're not happy do something about it but please stop that smug boasting.

Mind the Range Rover as you drive away, dear!

I’m sorry you were upset by the reaction to your Op, but I found the expression “smugly lazy” super offensive.

I was thinking you were a mummy blogger, then I read on and thought perhaps not or perhaps you're quite clever and actually if you respond similarly on your blog - you will be a success as you manage the villagers with pitchforks on this site quite well.

And then got to the bit where your grandmother body shames your 13 year old self and threatens you with gang rape.

Just what the actual fuck.

I've only read the first page of this. I hope someone has pointed out that when your kids are at state primary you tend to do more taxiing, not less. Two of mine went to prep and one of the only value for money things we got was that the staff take them swimming, to hockey matches etc. Two have been at state primary and I spend most evenings driving them to activities.

I differ from you in that I enjoy doing it. Those FB pages make me cringe. You drove two kids to swimming and made them a pizza? Ooh time for a cheeky prosecco. Get a grip.

And then got to the bit where your grandmother body shames your 13 year old self and threatens you with gang rape.

I Probably should have read the thread.

Anyone who eschews a good local primary for a prep is basically a snob. I was, briefly. Until the scales fell from my eyes.

her grandmother had dementia
Outrageous comments are unfortunately often part of the deal. Please read the thread or educate yourselves about this horrific illness before judging the op.

Trollspoopglitter... Yes, Good God grandma came out with an awful lot worse than that as she declined. She seemed to love shouting really really rude words at doctors and vicars (she seemed to really hate vicars). Accused my mother of having an affair with my grandfather (who had been dead for many many years) and claimed that my brother had burnt down the church.

Some bits were funny, some bits were heartbreaking. I miss her, but not her. I can't explain it. As teenagers we found it mortifyingly funny- you have no idea, you just think granny is bonkers. But as she got older and so did I, I realised just how cruel and unbelievably sadistic losing you memory/ mind is. I loved her so much- a lot of the time she really seemed to hate me, but I still loved her. I've got to write a eulogy on behalf of the grandchildren. So hard when she didn't even know a lot of the younger ones existed.

I'm late, I really must go.

Have a good day all x

OP I've just sat and read the thread. My initial take on it is that you sound like you lack confidence/ a bit needy. It's usually the reason that people get sucked into the competitiveness. Then the info about MIL paying fees and changing you for someone else .

In terms of being a different parent at state the only real difference is trying to prove to MIL that you are good enough/ doing enough. You will be the same parent and possibly drawn to the competitive types unless you change your attitude.

In terms of 'doing the same for other DC' I think you are doing DD a disservice personally by never getting her to prioritise. They need time to just chill out/ play in hedges/ make their own entertainment. So take a rain check, decide it isn't working and do better with the others. My 8yo does dance and gymnastics (at the same time), brownies and swimming. She has violin lessons at school. That is it, we can't do more as a family. She wants to horse ride but not until she has got to stage 7 so can give up swimming lessons.

I don't think the prep school is an issue, you need to have the confidence to do what you want. In terms of DH sitting on his arse obviously he should do his share, but equally if my DH signed our dd's up for a ridiculous number of activities and then ordered me to spend the weekend/evenings driving round I'd be pretty pissed off tbh and tell him to do it himself.

And picking up on what a previous poster said - in my house everyone has the same priority, the children do not have higher priority than the adults. We try to balance the needs of everyone which personally I think is healthy.

And I'm really sorry about your grandma

Yeah because dementia is a fucking gas isnt it??? Do grow up

Yes Hayesking. There is no visible difference between DD aged 11 and her peers and their privately educated friends that they meet at activities except perhaps the latter group know fewer people in our leafy neighbourhood.

My DC are in state school and are ridiculously busy with extra-curricular activities. Between the three of them they do football (school, local team and academy), rugby (school and local team), drama (weekly class and a production with rehearsals twice a week), hockey (school and local team), piano lessons, trumpet lessons, violin lessons, county orchestra (x 2 DC), school orchestra (x 2 DC), county brass band, choirs (school and outside school... the list goes on. So I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with being in private school.

Yes, life is ridiculously busy. I work FT as well, and so does DH. We spend a lot of time on the road. But it won't be forever.

In work and typing on phone under my desk so please excuse typos.
Yes, some bits were funny. She always came to us for Christmas lunch and one year whilst mum was finishing the veg, grandma took the fully cooked goose outside and 'set if free' by chucking it in the fishpond. I was quite young then and we all just had to laugh because, well, what else can you do! She had dementia, but a whole other host of problems on top. I still don't fully understand it, as it started so early my parents and uncles etc dealt with all of the doctors and paperwork.

Yes, totally undetconfident at the moment. I had horrendous prenatal depression with DS2. Mil just swept on and took over my entire family... Including making us move house to be closer to them. I was in no position to fight or make decisions at the time and just went along with it. Struggled ever since to regain any kind of balance.

Also with regards to pushy preps...... Ds1 won a welly wanging competition at school and we were pulled aside to talk about his 'potential' and 'had we considered cricket tuition'..... He is 4. He threw a welly.

It sounds hell OP, really.
You are run ragged on your MIL ticket so I suspect you feel obliged to ferry your children everywhere as she is paying through the nose to get a result.

When do your children have time to chill? To become resilient, self managing and self motivating? I suspect they dont.
Which, in my humble opinion are far , FAR greater skills than learning the oboe or how to recite poetry on stage.