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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report sister to social services after latest revelation from niece?

130 replies

FUNM · 25/09/2017 02:16

In short, there have been several questionable incidents and the latest one has me reeling and wanting to report her to social services. My toddler nephew was holding his finger and grizzling, and I noticed a small scar. So I asked my niece (who is just under 5) what happened, and she said 'he cut it on daddy's razor and it bled a lot'. My first reaction: disbelief and speechless. So I asked her exactly what happened. She said he picked up daddy's razor and cut himself on it. There was a lot of blood.

What the hell do I do with this? There are other incidents: left alone in bath, left alone to watch TV while mum sleeps upstairs, ... Is this none of my business or should I just report?

OP posts:
Mix56 · 25/09/2017 07:28

Is she also drunk for example, or leaving them dirty & unfed....... you may think she has other real problems, but the ones you mention seem insufficient to create havoc for

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2017 07:30

I have left my dd alone while I sleep since she was a few months younger than 3. I had no choice being chronically ill as I needed to sleep even though she stopped napping. When she was younger, I left the doors open. This is not a ss situation.

popcornunicorn · 25/09/2017 07:30

I would talk to your sister first. It’s good you are willing to help and keep vigilant on the matter. I wish there were more people around like you op who have the child’s best interest at heart.

Primamadonna · 25/09/2017 07:31

OP you need to give more info - otherwise you are sounding a bit excessively stressed out by a (not ideal) situation but hardly breathtakingly reckless enough to call for outside intervention.

strawberrygate · 25/09/2017 07:32

My 4 year old son loves razors. Twice now he's managed to get hold of one and cut his fingers with about 30 small cuts. I think it's very weird and malicious that you think this is worthy of ss

Rachie1973 · 25/09/2017 07:33
Branleuse · 25/09/2017 07:35

I have a scar on my lip from cutting myself with my dads razor. My son also picked uo a razor once and cut his face with it (trying to shave) it bled a LOT. I think this is just something that can happen very quickly. I dont have eyes in the back of my head

Lovemusic33 · 25/09/2017 07:36

I better phone social services on myself.

Are you serious calling social services because a toddler cut their finger on a razor? Toddlers are in to everything, you can't watch them all the time. My dd has cut herself on a razor, she got it whilst in the bath (yes I left her for a few minutes, she was 4 and she tried to shave). This doesn't mean I neglect my kids or that I'm a rubbish mother. These things happen.

sandgrown · 25/09/2017 07:38

When my daughter was about 5 she came in with a cut on her chin. It turned out she had been "having a shave" like Daddy. She had climbed up.on the toilet to reach the razor. An incident like that could just be an accident.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 25/09/2017 07:39

My 7 year old cut himself on a razor last week and he is old enough to know better! Accidents happen and hopefully your sister/the kids dad will have had a wake up call about putting things away properly. As for the other things you don't know how serious they are until you speak to your sister you are going on a 4 year olds interpretation of events.

MiniAlphaBravo · 25/09/2017 07:43

She's your sister, would you not talk to her? Maybe offer to help out? I find it sad that social services is your first response. No wonder public services in this country are so over stretched when we immediately go to a government provided agency rather than help our own family.

redemptionsongs · 25/09/2017 07:44

I don't think it'll help anything at all either. When I think of the accidents we've had over the years with both dc. My dh cut his finger off with a knife whilst chopping himself an apple when he was under 5 - his mum was on the phone and a very good mum.

You may in general be right, but your examples aren't going to raise any eyebrows and if they acted against all the below average parents the SA dept would be bigger than the army.

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 25/09/2017 07:50

They're called safety razors for a reason.. unless your DBIL is a massive hipster and uses a cutthroat razor in which case yes that's concerning.

The bath thing is worrying if true because that could cause serious harm or death. Talk to your sister. Visit.

opheliacat · 25/09/2017 08:09

As Pengggwn said, SS are not there to provide an arbitary standard of good parenting.

Nor are they entirely benign. If abuse is really suspected then yes, they should be contacted. However, the view that if someone is a loving yet chaotic and haphazard parent then SS will merely "offer support" is misguided. They DO offer support, but this support tends to be in the form of immediate practicalities - for example, they may send in professional cleaners for a house that has to be seen to be believed (potatoes in the carpet and rotting pet carcasses, for example!) which I know some on here will see as the end all solution but it isn't if two months later the house is the same. To put it simply, their presence is when removal of children from their families is a distinct possibility and while the support they offer is to prevent this, ultimately that is why they are there.

The problem is that even one brief episode of contact with them means many routine things get passed to them, so routine trips to A and E means you are in the system and cannot get out! Realistically, for removal of a child you would need to be looking at a combination of domestic abuse, drug or alcohol abuse, severe neglect, and so on. The one exception, the do not pass go one, is sexual abuse.

There is a book written - ghost written really I suppose - by the two young women who were kidnapped in Hastings aged ten in 1999. Obviously a long time ago but both describe their childhoods and one of the girls lived with her mother in London who was a drug addict. She witnessed fights, stabbings, sexual abuse of her mother and drug abuse, she was allowed to watch 18 rated horror films with her mum, and was not removed - she only went to Hastings after her mum's death. (Poor thing had a really rotten time.) Obviously ages ago and so on but SS have only been cut since. If there is no direct sexual abuse of the child in the home the child as a rule stays Hmm

LeninaCrowne · 25/09/2017 08:11

Ok so Daddy who left his razor out is not getting any blame!

LeninaCrowne · 25/09/2017 08:12

Ok so Daddy who left his razor out is not getting any blame!

paxillin · 25/09/2017 08:20

Doesn't sound remotely social service level. Left alone in the bath from a 5-year old can mean left without her (the 5yo). Five year olds are often very eager to please, so be careful with the investigative journalism with her, she may well tell you what she thinks you want to hear.

LaurieMarlow · 25/09/2017 08:21

Honestly OP, have a word with yourself.

You'd leap to social services before talking to your sister and offering her some support. Really? Hmm

gabsdot · 25/09/2017 08:31

Based on just what you've said in the original post you're over reacting.
My DD cut her finger on my razor once. I'd left it out and she grabbed it. It was a once off.
If there are a lot more incidents like this then maybe refer to SS. But not just for a cut finger.

paxillin · 25/09/2017 08:34

I would certainly supervise contact of the 4 year old with her auntie closely if I felt she's being interrogated.

NotACleverName · 25/09/2017 08:40

Unless there's a massive backstory that you're going to drip-feed when you eventually do come back, you're massively overreacting, OP.

"Reeling"
"Disbelief"
"Speechless"

Get a grip.

forestship · 25/09/2017 08:43

Agree with mama. Unless there's more too this, and I await the drip feed, then you're being ridiculous, OP. No wonder these services are overburdened. Have a word with yourself Hmm

Travis1 · 25/09/2017 08:47

YABU............... awaits massive drip feed of child naked, in soiled nappy, escaping house and being brought home by strangers

MoosicalDaisy · 25/09/2017 08:48

SS will only pay her a visit, stressing her out, and it might make her feel worthless. Think of a 3 strike rule with SS, you'd have to report her 2 more times for things like this until they start taking things seriously.

Offer your support and advise her. If she shuts you out then report her.

smurfy2015 · 25/09/2017 08:48

As a child i got my hands on razors and shaved too, loads of blood for a tiny nick but not SS worthy

As a child version of what happens compared to what actually happened, when i was in infants my teacher had 2 days of a very "out of sorts" child who hardly spoke, was on the verge of tears the whole time and didnt want to play with other children.

The 1st day didnt concern her as it was a one off but when i was worse the 2nd day it did, i didnt eat my lunch either, this was in a time when we were dropped at school gate and made our way to classroom etc. She made a point of sitting down for a couple of mins 1-2-1 on the second day as she suspected there may have been something going on at home, she was also very friendly with my parents so would have sussed out easily.

All of a sudden my bottom lip wobbled, the tears started flowing and i threw myself into her for a hug as i blurted out what was wrong in life "Kenny Dalglish had broked his leg",

My brother was the Liverpool fan but to me i thought he was going to get it cut off, i was moping for 2 days to the point the teacher was going to speak to parents for something that was nothing.

Btw this was 1980 so quite a while ago, if the teacher hadnt used her common sense and spoke to me to find out and then was going to speak to parents and went straight to social services, it would have been a right palava over nothing

This is just an example from my own life