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Original poster

DP swore at me

79 replies

myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 16:30

So DP annoyed me last night snoring so badly I had to sleep on sofa. I took dd to soft play today to give us a bit of space. DP home by himself. He's done a bit of tidying and made lunches for me and him for the week. I grumbled a bit he hadn't done hoovering upstairs as I always seem to do it. Stupid quarrel really. But what's really bothered me is he shouted and told me to fuck off and piss off while dd in another room but in earshot. We've been together 15 years and are happy together but I don't how annoyed I should be about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:02

Get some space probably wrong words. I mean I didn't want us continuing the argument in front of her. and he'd got up late so we were already going to go to soft play anyway.

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Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:03

Would he be OK with his DD having a partner who swore at her because of an argument about hoovering?

I think this is why I am determined not to be doing all the housework because my dad expected my mum to do everything and I swore I wouldn't have that.

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lozzylizzy · 24/09/2017 17:06

He swore at you in front of DD but you also pulled him down in front of DD. Yes not swear words but the same lack of respect to one another.

Allthebestnamesareused · 24/09/2017 17:11

No I was just saying that after 15 years if it is the first time you have ever been sworn at then that is strange

Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:13

Hadn't thought of that lozzylizzy

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Calmanrose · 24/09/2017 17:14

My husband would never speak to me like that...or I him. Have some standards.

Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:14

I did say sorry to him for moaning about hoovering though.

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jamdonut · 24/09/2017 17:16

Sounds like the sort of stupid row me and my DH have every now and then. (We've been married 27 years). I've never felt the need to kick him out or leave home after any slanging match we've had. We usually stew on it for an hour or two, then tentatively start talking to each other civilly, followed by one or the other making an apology.
Sometimes our kids were around when we were shouting, and swearing , (and I know my daughter didn't like it because she told me so,) but they know we find a way to get over it ,which is also a useful lesson.

MrsMHasIt · 24/09/2017 17:17

Gosh you sound like hard work op. Definitely unreasonable. The swearing is a red herring. You have been in him all day from your account.

Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:19

Thanks jamdonut. It's silly because we spoke on the phone earlier and we're fine and I was determined we wouldn't argue when I got back then it just escalated. Like he said what time do you want tea and I'd only just got through the door so I thought he was on at me to cook etc. Bloody daft arguments!

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Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:19

Ok Mrs M Hmm

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RebelRogue · 24/09/2017 17:33

It wouldn't bother me as i also say it to him.
As for the actual argument I would've just ignored it as I know that by next day he'll be over it.

Gorgosparta · 24/09/2017 17:35

I think this is why I am determined not to be doing all the housework because my dad expected my mum to do everything and I swore I wouldn't have that.

But then how would you feel if dd and her future do share housework. But he moans at her when she hasnt done the jobs he thinks she should have. Despite the fact she spent the morning tidying and make his lunch for the week?

I am glad you have made up. My point is that swearing, while not great, isnt the only behaviour that isnt great for dd to see or that is wrong.

Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:36

In front of kids though. I'm not bothered normally but I'm not comfortable in front of dd

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Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 17:37

Good point gorgosparta and that's why I apologised to dp in front of her first. I shouldn't have been like that either.

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Gorgosparta · 24/09/2017 17:39

Well iys just ones of those things then.

Wrong on both sides. In a, mainly, good relationship its not a huge deal. But if you arent happy with what you (as in both of you) are occasionally modelling to dd, work through it together.

And remember, non of us or our realtionships are perfect. Thats not a bad lesson for dd to learn either, to a certain point.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 24/09/2017 17:46

That's life

mrsm43s · 24/09/2017 19:05

As it's written, I'm afraid you don't come off well. You stropped off to the sofa when he snored (OTT reaction IMO), you then went out for a fun family day leaving him behind to do housework. Then when you got back, despite him having done loads (tidying round and making his and your lunches for the whole week) while you were out having fun, you then have a go at him for having not done enough!

I'm pretty sure I'd have had a few choice words to say if my DH had come back from a fun trip with the kids while I was at home doing housework and told me I hadn't done enough housework while he was out enjoying himself!

No one parent should model to the children that it's OK to treat the other parent disrespectfully, regardless of their gender.

Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 21:08

I didn't 'strop off to the sofa'. I went to sleep on the sofa after being woken at 2am and trying to sleep through it with my earplugs in. I didn't go for 'a fun family day' I took my dd to a soft play centre while he did some jobs I'd not got round to doing and he played on PlayStation. Whilst I agree with you about both sides etc I think you are making more out of this story than there is.

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Original poster
myusernameisnotmyusername · 24/09/2017 21:09

And he got up about 3 hours after me and I'd already got up with dd and cleaned kitchen cupboards, bathroom and loo and done two loads of washing!

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BoysofMelody · 24/09/2017 22:38

I'm pretty sure I'd have had a few choice words to say if my DH had come back from a fun trip with the kids while I was at home doing housework and told me I hadn't done enough housework while he was out enjoying himself!

If the sexes were reversed you'd have been called a Disney Dad. Doing the fun stuff and then having a tanty when the necessary household tasks he'd undertaken weren't the ones you'd picked. I don't see what is 'fun' about making your sandwiches for the week and tidying up.

Mittens1969 · 24/09/2017 23:22

DH has sworn at me once, and under very understandable circumstances tbh (his DF had recently died in a RTA). I swear more than he does, but still not a lot. But it isn't something I'd hold a grudge over, no one is perfect after all.

Blahblahboo · 24/09/2017 23:31

You are being incredibly ungrateful. He was thoughtful enough to make your lunches for the week and you don't even say thanks.

It doesn't matter how little it much he normally does but the fact that he did try and got nothing in return. If I was him I wouldn't bother at all next time if you moan when he does.

Blahblahboo · 24/09/2017 23:32

*or ...stupid auto correct

Gorgosparta · 25/09/2017 06:23

Ah come. Op has accept there was wrong on her part too. Its not a long thread. No need to keep going at her.

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