Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clothes on weekends - AIBU?

90 replies

richsam · 23/09/2017 08:55

Ok so I need to know AIBU? My SS (6) comes to stay with us every weekend. During school holidays there is no issue but during term time he comes down with his school uniform on. Usually it would not be a problem and for the the last three years he has always gone back to his BM with clothes on and his uniform (washed and ironed) back in his school bag. The issue we have is that the clothes he goes home in, we don't see again and then we find that we are always the ones buying more clothes sooner than we would need to, because they are still at BMs house. My OH then suggested we sent him back to BM with his uniform on? I opposed to this but went along with it (I felt awful! surely would be embarrassing for SS?)
As SS has got older we have suggested to him maybe in his school bag he just packs a change of clothes for a Friday that he can go home in. With him only being 6 and having lots of things to remember for school we understand that this wont happen all the time, bless him.
Does anybody else have a similar issue? We have brought the issue up with BM who says that its not fair for him to carry lots of things in his bag???
advice please.

OP posts:
SprinklesandIcecream · 24/09/2017 10:31

I'd say it's not malicious, just either forgetful or being lazy. One solution is to go drop SS off on Sunday ( I'm assuming) and let her know you'd like last week's clothes or one outfit to take home.

Your OH needs to speak to her and come to an agreement even if she doesn't want to put clothes into school bag.

BewareOfDragons · 24/09/2017 10:43

If his mother won't send clothes back, then keep the uniform. If she asks for it, and she will, tell her you thought she didn't think it was fair that he have to lug a change of clothes in his backpack for a car ride.

I suspect her behaviour might change quickly if she starts to run out of expensive uniform pieces.

OhTheRoses · 24/09/2017 10:50

Send him back in his pants. Only joking. His mum hands over a bag with the next weekend's clothes in. Job done.

donajimena · 24/09/2017 10:53

Fucking hell. I've read it all now. I could really offend some of you! Hope you get a resolution OP. Even if 2/4 pages were from the professionally offended!

Liadain · 24/09/2017 10:57

Good to see certain MNers getting the boot into a stepmother over poor phrasing as usual. We all need a hobby, I suppose...

Op, it is unfair that you are expected to continually buy clothes. I would be sending him back in uniform or not handing back uniform until a set of clothes is given. Why should you be continually giving her new clothes for free?

Beamur · 24/09/2017 11:12

Is it possible his Mum just hasn't noticed this is happening?
If your OH drops his son off at Mums could he just have a quick chat about this and maybe ask for 3/4 changes of clothes to take back with him?
I think it is too much to ask a little boy to remember to bring extra.
Failing that, maybe sending him back in his uniform - or part of it - like maybe school trousers and a t-shirt would save you shelling out for clothes that probably aren't getting much wear anyway. You could buy some inexpensive tops from somewhere like Primark. Presumably he wears school shoes going back to Mums?

diddl · 25/09/2017 14:12

His mum knows as she has refused to send clothes with him in his school bag!

Send him back in his uniform!

Mamabear4180 · 25/09/2017 14:22

Now the op has apologised for using BM are you all going to stop going on about it now and just answer the post? Hmm

I'd send him back in the uniform. I'm not sure why people think kids clothes are cheap but I wouldn't be buying a new set every week, it's daft and wasteful. Have another word with his mum op and if she refuses to pack clothes he will have to go back in uniform.

HailLapin · 25/09/2017 14:27

I find this stuff annoying too , so much so that dd returned from her dad's with a pair of jeans I'd forgotten were in existence (I bought them far too big and after months in hiding at exh's house they now fit her). I've had this with t shirts appearing years later and too small too. It pisses me off as clothes cost money.

It's only now that she's more mature and able to organise herself that she looks after her clothing herself and takes responsibility for packing a small overnight bag that this nonsense has stopped. I tried discussing it with exh and he always claimed he had no idea where certain items were...I gave up asking him in the end.

I know it's not massively helpful op but until he gets to the age where he cares about his appearance more and has a favourite t shirt or hoodie there's probably not masses you can do apart from grabbing some cheap joggers and tees from Primark and keeping his best stuff at your place.

littlehandcuffs · 25/09/2017 14:34

Birth Mother is as offensive as Sperm donor it's just a bit horrid and used to put down mothers (unless the children are adopted).

FuckingBUTTERbeans · 25/09/2017 14:34

If your OH drops his son off at Mums could he just have a quick chat about this and maybe ask for 3/4 changes of clothes to take back with him?

^^ This.

Katyazamo · 25/09/2017 14:48

Personally I see BM and think bowel movement.

We had a similar problem when looking after our nephew. We used to look after him every other week to give his mum a break (we are about to have him and his sister full time). We live an hour away and when picking him up he was in Ill fitting clothes that usually smelt like mould/cat urine. We never got clothes back that we sent and if we did they would have cigarette burns or large stains on. To get round this we went to Primark and bought packs of cheap t shirts and joggers to go home in so it wasn't costing us a fortune. Sometimes it's a price you pay to keep the peace.

Allthebestnamesareused · 25/09/2017 14:59

We used to have this situation. Buy clothes but never see them again if they went back to his mum's.

DSS would arrive in school uniform. I would get him to change into home clothes here. Wash the uniform and then send him back in the uniform (literally for the journey) but told his mother that the clothes were clean ready for the Monday. So we had a couple of sets of clothes for him at all times, pyjamas etc so he didn't ever need to bring a bag.

Also if there was any homework set we would make sure it was done over the weekend etc

AlexaAmbidextra · 25/09/2017 17:30

This is Mumsnet. You should know that as a stepmother there are hoards of first wives waiting to rip you apart for the most innocuous thing. It comes with the territory here. Hmm

existentialmoment · 25/09/2017 17:39

He was devastated by the thought that I saw him as different and not as my son. I've always called him my son since then. He calls me his Mum. I would refer to his mum as BM/birth mother because thats who she is

If he lived with you full time and doesn't have contact with his mother, then it is appropriate.
otherwise, surely you tell him that you are not his mother and though you love him just the same he already has a mother.

Of course calling her "birth mother" is offensive and you have to have the insight of a brick wall to not see that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread