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AIBU?

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Original poster

posted for traffic...can I refuse a SS meeting?

431 replies

ssquestion · 22/09/2017 09:11

The circumstances are quite sensitive and identifying so this may be a bit vague.

I've been contacted by SS who want a meeting with me about my DC (over 16 but under 18).

My view is DC are over 16, not at school, not children and therefore don't need child protection. They are suggesting a meeting with me and then me and DC.

Can I refuse? Apart from anything else, I have no annual leave left til Xmas, so if I did meet them I'd be losing a days pay, which isn't great.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 23/09/2017 19:10

What are they going to do, remove a 17 year old from op, I don't think they will do tgat. By that age, a young person largely has a say in what happens to them.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/09/2017 19:13

I woukd ask your children if they want to see them, if not, then tell them your children do not want to see them, they have that right.

QuiteLikely5 · 23/09/2017 19:15

Eamon SWs are not responsible for the abuse. The perpetrator was.

they can't spot a murder

Leavingonajet · 23/09/2017 19:31

If the family member has a conviction for sexual or violent crimes which seem the most likely in the curcumstances they will be looking to see that there is no unsafe contact and that the young people have the information they need to help keep themselves safe from them. It is not the social workers that will pose a risk to the DC but the convicted criminal.

User02 · 23/09/2017 19:32

Eammon has had things said to him about his experiences with SS. He is talking from that expereince.
I can talk of two separate children brought to the attention of SS. One had nothing wrong in their life apart from nasty relatives who tried to use SS as a means of controlling the fact that due to their own controlling attempts children had been removed by a responsibile parent from being subjected to their ways. This child's was severely interferred with by SW and other illegalities took place as a result.
There is another child I can speak of who was frequently brought to the atention of SS but was left in the circumstances until the situation was a hair's breadth off disaster.
SS got it so wrong in both cases. Not one word of apology or admission that they were wrong and how can they put things right.
People who speak about SS who have had expereinces are speaking from their own perspectives and if SS have messed up I do not see why this should be covered up or worse still lied about.
I would love to be able to sort out family problems. If I could and did likely there would complaints.

Mittens1969 · 23/09/2017 19:39

@Aeroflotgirl, no they're not going to remove a 17 year old, but they could ask questions when he or his siblings have children. Because if they have concerns about their safety they will get involved. But if you can reassure them that this person doesn't live in the house, hopefully that will be it.

Sorry for misunderstanding what you've said, Eamonn. I'll ask the question differently. In what situations should they get involved to protect children?

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 23/09/2017 19:39

No one is trying to stop people telling their experiences or saying it isn't true from what I can see. In fact everyone agrees some sw are awful. What people here are saying is that doesn't mean sw are all bad and are wrong all the time. Our team holds 117 cases at the moment. A majority of these are asking for and say they are grateful for support. One even doesn't want the case closed because they will 'miss' having us around but they don't need us and have made amazing progress. Unfortunately most people who tell their story publicly are the people where things have gone wrong so it's really easy to generally get a view that everything sw do is terrible but it is not always the case.

Mittens1969 · 23/09/2017 19:43

@User02, you're totally right, we're all speaking from our own experiences. SS have got a lot of things wrong, there's no doubt about that.

User02 · 23/09/2017 19:49

Mittens - thanks. I often feel alone with my views which are from my experiences. It was a SW who told me that we are each the sum of our life expereinces. My expereince are not good.
What a mistake - If the SW could have admitted to getting it wrong I would have seen them as human as all the rest of us. The denial, the lies and the downright cheating their way through things was what caused offence.

MarciaBlaine · 23/09/2017 20:01

OP you just need to have the bloody meeting and get it over and done with. If there are no concerns that will be the end of it. I really don't understand your issues if you have 2 teenagers that can speak for themselves. If you had 2 toddlers I might understand that you are worried that something might be misrepresented etc, but would still say you should meet.

Mittens1969 · 23/09/2017 20:02

I'm so sorry you went through that, user. I do empathise, as I've had so much stress with SS involvement. Thankfully, the SW has now admitted that I would have turned things around without a child protection plan, as I also got the liver result and I never looked back. And she's really been on our side with trying to get help for DD1.

But the emotional exhaustion of the process was so horrible to deal with. It made me feel a greater understanding of what it must have been like for DDs' birth parents.

TheEdgeOfGlory266 · 23/09/2017 20:02

Everyone could be completely barking up the wrong tree. It could be a case were the OP may have an older daughter say and this older daughter has some mental health issues. This daughter could have said something that directly relates to her younger siblings.
Could that be the case OP?

Bluelonerose · 23/09/2017 20:03

User02 I completly agree with you. My hv even made a complaint about blatant lies my sw had told. The day they signed me off I had the best nights sleep ide had since they became involved. (Something family member had done and nothing to do with me whatsoever)
I went into it thinking they would want to help. They didn't help.

EamonnWright · 23/09/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/09/2017 20:09

Summer - if there is a section 47 enquiry (risk of or evidence of significant harm) we go straight to the kid and they cannot be prepared by the parents/adults. This is a joint enquiry with the police. The parents are informed pretty swiftly after that the outcome and nature of the enquiry.

When it's not the above it's not usual to see kids covertly at school. Section 7's start off with a home visit with the kids together with the parents for example (section 7's are welfare reports for the family courts).

EamonnWright · 23/09/2017 20:09

Thank you User02

Kyyria · 23/09/2017 20:12

My mum is 70.
She retired as a social worker 15 years ago on ill health grounds.
She worked 'part time'when I was a child but that was still a 40hr week.
She has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and still regularly has flashbacks to child cases she dealt with in the 80s and 90s.

It's a shit job that has to be done. They don't take kids away to get some sort of kick. They get put in all sorts of horrible situations in order to put kids first and are currently running with bugger all budget and shit staffing.

I work in the NHS. I usually get to see the other side of the story to the SWs.

Hats off to SWs everywhere for a job well done and for getting the shit thrown at you from all sides.

OP - if "relative" doesn't live with you and you feel your children are not at risk, there is very little stopping you from inviting SS into your home and proving your point.

Generally you come across as wanting to protect someone other than the kids and with an attitude that stinks. SS do not get involved just for fun - they have reasons to want to check your kids are ok. By refusing to cooperate it makes you no better than the 'relative' that has been charged for doing something dodgy.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/09/2017 20:14

Kyyria thank you x

Bonesy1 · 23/09/2017 20:21

He couldn't join the Armed Forces without your permission

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 23/09/2017 20:42

Generally you come across as wanting to protect someone other than the kids and with an attitude that stinks. SS do not get involved just for fun - they have reasons to want to check your kids are ok. By refusing to cooperate it makes you no better than the 'relative' that has been charged for doing something dodgy.
agree
Also Flowers for your mum.

pilates · 23/09/2017 20:46

Good post Kyyria, sorry your mum is still suffering. As a pp mentioned there are good and bad in all professions and I'm sure social workers and many other professionals have learnt from previous mistakes. Op, surely if social workers are barking up the wrong tree all the more reason to meet up asap and get it rectified. Being deliberately obstructive is not helpful.

summerlightorangeyred · 23/09/2017 21:02

Queen thanks, and I am sure that it is appreciated by most people that seeing children in school indicates a very serious investigation.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/09/2017 21:03

I see some of my children at school regularly - for complex reasons I won't be posting but it's with the parents knowledge and they have leave to object - as do the school

OhTheRoses · 23/09/2017 21:11

kids nice. Do SW's and related professions not know the correct word for human offspring.

Ghastly. I have children. Not goats. Lowest common denominator and all that jazz.

How about exercising some basic respect I have never ever called my children kids. They don't have hooves. Standards and all that. Like calling the parent title surname because they aren't your subordinates.

OhTheRoses · 23/09/2017 21:14

Actually who the chief do some of you people think you are? You work for a funded service. Funded by your clients. How about treating them as equals and their DC as him and rather than animals.

For God's sake, have some compassion and respect for your fellow "man" and child. Respect is a two way street.