to think what kids eat here is not really healthy?

[aeromint]

I am a live in au pair who entered this country just two months ago, taking care of a 8 year old boy for the past 6 weeks and his diet seems to be made of cornflakes, sausages, burger, string cheese and lunchmeat sandwiches.. aren't these, er, junk food?? That's what we would term them in my country. I really dislike making sausages every other evening to him, but this is what I have been instructed to do... Some of my friends also tell me that the kids in their homes eat mostly this kind of food...

How can this be healthy? I am honestly puzzled.

I grew up in a country where we followed this combination of foods for all three meals of the day - one carb item (usually rice or wheat based item), one or more vegetable medley (compulsory), a dip/sauce made from either a veggie or pulses and a fried item like shrimp or cassava crackers. And lots of seasonal fresh fruits, nuts and buttermilk throughout the day. Proper meat-based meals was usually on Sundays and special occasion / rituals day etc (about 1-2 times a month but it will be like a festival with too much of it) - so, a treat, not normal occurance. Basically, we had vegetables every single meal....

So... the only vegetable I see my kid (I use the word my very loosely) eat is carrots or potatoes smothered in ketchup (which is full of sugar?)... but he eats processed meat everyday, he packs a sandwich to his school and has cornflakes for breakfast... On weekends he has potato waffles or pancakes.... not sure what he eats for dinner, but his mum cooks a roast on sundays with potatoes and peas.. I am always invited to join them on sunday lunch and I love it but I miss the vegetables! Like broccoli, spinach, cauliflower, radish, asparagus...

Will AIBU to gently suggest her to include more veggies or should I just mind my own business?

(Sorry if the details here are a bit vague, I know my host mom is a member on this site, don't want to out myself...!)

YABU to think all kids eat like your kid.

YANBU to think he's not eating very healthily.

Do you cook for yourself or for him? Could you start introducing some veg?

yes, the child should be fed better but if your host mother is a memeber on this site I would suggest you get this post deleted before you lose your job. People don't like having their parenting choices criticised and they lash out.

I agree that children in the UK are often allowed to be shockingly fussy. And the very bland meals like nuggets that they are given really must not help matters in terms of developing a palate for a varied diet.

It seems to be considered almost extreme if they are not getting a lot of processed white bread and sugary food.

I would big up to host mum/dad how much you like cooking and float the idea of involving your charge.

Then cook with him, but not too far out of his comfort zone at first. Things like spag Bol or cottage pie, which are fairly 'normal' options here but lend themselves to including extra veg. Start small and see if you can build.

what about taking him to the shop and saying "ooh shall we have something new today"you could mentioen veggies helping to make him big and strong and full of energy.
or "right I'm putting you in charge today of what veg we shall have.any you like." this will make him feel all grown up.
even a cauliflower cheese.could you make a burger for you and one for him and say "bet mines nicer than yours. as yours has added salad in it and get him to try in a mini competition.
have a game of how many colours you can get on your dinner plates.
play the grape or cherry tomato game where you stuff them in your lips and make funny faces.they usually want to try.
what about baked bananas or apples with some choc or caramel sauce.
have you asked if you can bring a side to the sunay lunch.just casually." please allow me to help even if I just do the veg."
or genuinely ask her if you can incorporate some of your home foods if she is willing as your feeling homesick for them sometimes.
youd love to show your appreciation by cooking a meal?
making the potatos more exciting by doing him wedges?
ask him if he wants to go to shop and see if you can find your own recipe books.perhaps seen as your new here you could learn to cook together.even your own homemade burgers.
you could offer to cook you and him as the chefs for mum and dad one night.

though at the end of the day I will add some people do just eat like this.it isn't great maybe but things go on to change with time or they don't and continue into adulthood.maybe you might have to accept it.
as long as dc is getting enough and seem happy in himself.i think that more important.

Maybe try some 'baking for fun' with him. Carrot muffins are always a good start. Then it looks as if it's a fun thing rather than you trying to change or dictate his diet.
YANBU by the way and good for you for caring what he eats, the responses on here would be very different if you were the mum complaining about the AP feeding the kids crap.
Getting him involved will be the key thing here.

Aeromint: what happens in your experience, in your culture, if a child refuses to eat the veg, and only want say the starch & meat, or refused anything with sauce on it?

Would they be forced to eat the veg or offered nothing else, would the uneaten veg from their plate be binned without comment?

If you say refusal never happens, then I say you've lucked out & never met a fussy child. I was you - I never met any until I was a mom, and I never had a fussy kid until DC4 (takes after his paternal gran who turns nose up at anything different, too). Maybe it's a country with low food security and kids often go hungry?

Would the child enjoy cooking with you?

I think the UK is terrible in that restaurants have a 'children's meals' section in menus. Surely a child's meal should just be a smaller portion of all of the other meals on the menu? Not rubbish like chicken nuggets, pizza etc.

The child might have this unhealthy diet because his parents are time - pressed and feel guilty because they have to work and have an au pair, therefore indulge him, or it may be the sort of food they enjoy too. If I was the boy's parent I would be delighted that you care enough to take an interest in his diet and want to share recipes from home. I don't think it would do any harm at all to suggest you try him with food that you have made for him, so long as you make sure to not sound critical of them. You can say, for example, that you miss your traditional food from home and would like to share the preparation and enjoyment of them with the child, rather than tell them what they should be giving their child to eat.

That is a terrible diet, not how I feed my dc.

I think some people think a hot meal is better than a cold meal, regardless of its contents. So sausages, chips and beans is better than an egg sandwich with salad for example, simply because it's a hot meal and children 'must' have a hot meal daily.

I am afraid I am not used to letting kids have the last say in their food (different culture I guess)

Nothing to do with culture and everything to do with the parents and indeed the kids.

I can't see the point of making kids eat something that makes them gag or indeed be sick. That used to be the culture here - you'll stay at the dinner table until midnight and eat what's on the plate.

I don't like cooked vegetables even now. On a Sunday I make a roast chicken dinner and eat loads of raw carrots and broccoli (I eat the stalks) while I am cooking it. But I give myself very little of the cooked veg and really just eat the chicken and roast potatoes. I just don't like cooked veg (and it's better for you raw, anyway). If I have the choice between salad and cooked veg I always pick the salad.

People will say that a kid will only be a fussy eater because they are allowed to be, but I do think people have different palates too.

But it's not inaccurate to say that nationally, our diet doesn't stack up well on the healthy front. Our obesity rates speak for themselves

I don't think fish fingers are the problem, we probably have a wider variety of food now than we had in the 70s. The difference, other than portion sizes? Lack of exercise. People won't let their kids walk to school for example. And insist on driving them to the door using eg work as an excuse. Why not park 5 minutes away? That would be 10 mins walking a day. 50 mins walking a week is better than no walking at all. But people are too lazy (and selfish) to do it.

My daughter just spent a year as an au pair in France, and the children she looked after had a pretty rubbish diet too. My daughter is actually a pretty good cook, and we usually eat lots of fruit and veg and "proper" meals cooked from scratch, but the host family just bought fishfingers and stuff, and when they discovered she could make crepes the kids ate those every week. As the family were paying for the food and in charge of the kids, she just went along with their wishes.

Otherwise I wouldn't bother making a big fuss about it being unhealthy - maybe just ask if it is OK if you try out some of your own dishes on the kids? Kind of none of your business really, after all.

What wonderful ideas. Thank you all so much.

I love this kid I am taking care of, he's a very cute boy who is very affectionate. I cannot reveal where I am from, but it's a tropical country and yes, a developing nation. It's a sin in our culture to waste food or be too fussy about it.

I have changed enough details in my OP, so hopefully I won't get outed and fired!

I will try to persuade the little one to try more variety in food. Because it looks like talking to my HM will only backfire.

In my country, I am trying to think if I have seen kids being fussy. They must be I guess, but in my experience we just eat what is on the plate as the Moms know what we like and make it often, but each plate will have something knew in it and we have to try to eat it. Of course there are some stuff I hate - bittergourd, yuck, and I am not a fan of aubergines either - but a kid would never be able to getaway with saying he won't eat that, he will only eat this. I too am shocked at how much foods my charge has avoided in his diet simply because he has refused to eat them....

Perhaps it could be that are foods like burger or nuggets are all "restaurant foods" that are never made at home normally and that we get to taste only when we become teenagers? I am sorry I am not explaining this well. I am new to this. I am still learning and I don't mean to come across as judgemental, just trying my best to understand this situation. Thank you for your patience.

Not sure where you're from, but YANBU. Some people in the UK are very lazy and unhealthy. Whenever I have been to Europe, I have noticed the eating habits are WAY healthier. Also, they walk and cycle a lot more. I have known people DRIVE a ten minute walk over here...

It doesn't sounded the healthiest but also doesn't sound awful. Cereal for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch are pretty standard in a lot of home.

Don't take one family's meals as a given for all homes in this country though! For instance, my DD (14 months) has porridge for breakfast and then whatever I'm having for both lunch and dinner. These meals tend to be a combination of:

Protein such as roast chicken breasts, prawns, salmon fillets, tuna steak, lean mince etc
Carb such as new potatoes, pasta, spaghetti, mashed potatoes, couscous etc
Veggies such as carrots, celery, asparagus, spinach etc
Sauce that is home made (often a pesto or tomato base)

Snacks are fruit or crackers, with occasional choccy treats etc.

@aeromint - it is very unreasonable of you to take your short experience of one child's diet and extrapolate it to the whole UK population!!

I have always fed my children a balanced diet - yes, they sometimes had what you would term junk food, but a lot of the time I cook from scratch, and make healthy, interesting food. Sometimes, when I was knackered, they'd have something less healthy, but easier for me.

You are not being unreasonable to judge this particular child's diet - it doesn't sound particularly well balanced or healthy.

Could you suggest to his mum that you do some cooking with him? If he takes part in cooking a meal, he may be more likely to try it - and you could suggest things you'd like to cook with him, and ask his mum to purchase the ingredients.

In my experience, children enjoy self-assembly food - so some grilled chicken or ham strips, grated cheese, sour cream, salad and tortillas, and let him make his own wraps, for example. Or make a pizza base and some tomato sauce and let him put his own choice of toppings on. You and he could make meatballs in tomato sauce, or home made burgers.

And whilst sausages every other day does sound like too much, they are fine on a less frequent basis. You could sneak in more veg by adding it to mashed potato, or making home made sweet potato wedges.

If the child is refusing to eat anything you suggest, then it sounds like he is very fussy and just won't eat anything else. I had this with one of my children and it was really hard, they would literally starve themselves than eat something new/something they perceived they did not like. At the time I was just happy to get them to eat anything, it wasn't through lack of trying healthy meals on my part. I am sure the mother knows her son better than you do and she may not appreciated your criticism. And it is criticism, isn't it? You disapprove of what he eats and have in fact decided that the entire country eats unhealthily on the basis of this one child. The smugness about food in your country is coming through loud & clear.

That is unfortunately the kind of unhealthy diet a lot of children in the UK eat. But plenty do not eat like that too. I do know of quite a few who eat like that OP so I'm not going to disagree with you.

Some people in the UK are very lazy and unhealthy. Whenever I have been to Europe, I have noticed the eating habits are WAY healthier. Also, they walk and cycle a lot more. I have known people DRIVE a ten minute walk over here...

Yep. An overweight person at my work moans about being fat and paying for a gym membership - when they live 3 miles away from work and drive instead of cycle!

I had one who would not eat anything apart from breadsticks, bread, orange juice, milk and fromage frais at 1 year old, after spitting everything out and throwing it on the floor

I spent years on it. Early days, puddings and cakes are a good place to start with adding things like fruit. We started with fromage frais with real fruit added (like stewed apple and pureed pear) then introduced custard, then stewed apple in crumble and apple charlotte with custard, then other fruits with the crumble. Eventually we got to any identifiable lumps of fruit in crumble.

Same with the veg - mashed potato became acceptable so make shepherds pie with minimum texture mince and gradually add new things.

He took a fancy to things in breadcrumbs, so we indulged this for a while then started to make our own things in breadcrumbs starting with chicken breast. He took a real liking for fish in all forms at school which added new possibilities (fishcakes are good for hiding stuff)

Then his little sisters liked home made curries with tomatoes - so this was eventually a new line.

Eventually, it would be one small new vegetable on the plate (putting them in cheese sauce helped sometimes) and lots of gentle cajoling and humour. Once he promised to eat runner beans when he was 8. I remembered this when he was nearly nine - so he gave it a go - and nearly threw it up but by then he was willing to try and had boxed himself in with his own rule.

By the time he was a teenager, he was eating a very good healthy diet and all his friends were on pizza.

And it is criticism, isn't it? You disapprove of what he eats and have in fact decided that the entire country eats unhealthily on the basis of this one child. The smugness about food in your country is coming through loud & clear.

Well to be fair, OP is right. The entire country has a morbid obesity and diabetes problem and on average DO eat a lot of shit, so don't be so defensive.

What you describe is a bit unusual. That child's diet sounds appalling (this coming from someone who give her children sausages with regularity although not frequency). Although you are right in noticing that most British households eat meat regularly. TBH I would consider eating meat (real meat not processed stuff) once a week a bit unhealthy especially for children. I would also be hesitant to have rice or wheat in every single meal. Every day sure but i've always been lead to believe that you have to have some complex carbs at least one in every three meals. I think it just cones down to cultural differences (possibly climatic ones too-food in Britain tends to be quite stodgy because it's usually quite cold and, traditionally, children are expected to do a lot of exercise in school).

You are generalising too much about British eating habits and this child in particular. One day you may live in a 1st world country with all the foods that are readily available good and bad and have two children that are worlds apart in their eating habits despite being brought up exactly the same (with a healthy, home cooked, diet with lots of fruit and veg).

The nursery rhyme Jack Spratt will eat no fat his sister wife will eat no lean was a rhyme I sang often when mine were little, well until the sister got to 19 anyway.

She will now eat broccoli and raw carrot, spinach and peppers but it has been a battle for two decades.