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Original poster

Advice on how to deal with an Anti-vaccer

125 replies

frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:19

Help. Posting here for traffic as I need to speak to my friend in the morning.

My dear friend is in a relationship with a complete prick who is trying to stop her vaccinating their new baby.

She of course wants the vaccinations but he has said he will not allow it and is going to write to the GP to say he doesn't give his consent.

He is a total arsehole who refuses to speak to her about it, refuses to speak to medical professionals and gets all of his information from crappy American websites from what I can gather.

He has now threatened her as well if she had them done without his permission.

Could anyone point me to some easy to understand research/info that I could get for her?

Does anybody know if he can block the vaccines or if they will do them with just her consent?

We are in the UK.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Gilead · 20/09/2017 21:08

I am extremely pro vaccine and get bloody annoyed about anti vaxxers. I do think that this: cailleach you're an idiot. Sorry, you are. There is no reason to delay MMR and I hope your kids give you a hard time for it. was completely unnecessary. You were not in possession of all the facts.
Oh, and Ds1 got Whooping Cough, despite vaccines whilst dd2 ended up in hospital after her DPT and as advised by Great Ormond Street didn't have her MMR until she was a great deal older.

Autumnskiesarelovely · 20/09/2017 21:09

Yes she should go to her HV and explain, get it on record. Then take some time apart if she can, or at least start getting some outside perspective. There's a danger she'll just start keeping quiet and her relationship become silently abusive.

wheredoesallthetimego · 20/09/2017 21:10

wheredoesallthetimego what would your advice be?

this isn't medical advice!

I'd suggest she tell him how wonderful he is and that of course she agrees vaccinations are the work of the devil and their children won't be having any (so he'll see no need to write to the GP). get her ducks in a row, leave him and get the kids vaccinated.

LilQueenie · 20/09/2017 21:11

agreed he is using bullying tactics. Admittedly I am not for taking medication either despite having a tumour removed myself. I sort of get that. Its a case of medication as a last resort but not a complete refusal.

It does sound as if she would be better off without him but it doesn't mean it will stop his unfair attitude. They have a child together. He may well continue to bully her after a split sadly.

Liwwybettykins · 20/09/2017 21:11

If she doesnt have the money to get legal advice then the citizens advice bureau might be a good bet? There may already be precedent for this like someone else posted... in which case theres no problem!
The other option, to pay for them privately and not tell him, (a little on the line or maybe a toe over!) - they only need the mothers consent for.

wheredoesallthetimego · 20/09/2017 21:11

You were not in possession of all the facts.

true
if the children in question had a medical condition that meant they couldn't have the MMR then I apologise. it's not common though.

PlatformNineAndThreeQuarters · 20/09/2017 21:12

It goes with out saying that this is a really horrible situation for your friend and I really hope you can persuade her to leave, not just for getting the injections done but for everything

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 21:13

gilead- dd2 ended up in hospital after her DPT and as advised by Great Ormond Street didn't have her MMR until she was a great deal older.

So sorry to hear about your DD, Same thing happened to my son. I hope she is well now. x
My kids had their MMR at 14 ( on medical advice), and please to say all was well.

Not sure how that makes me an idiot.

Hairyfairy01 · 20/09/2017 21:13

Has she actually sat down and discussed his concerns with him? Surely there is a complete lack of communication here on both sides? Could there be a compromise such as delayed jabs, or separate jabs? To be fair this man might have very good reasons why he doesn't want to vaccinate. Could they both go to the babies hv and discuss it between them?

troodiedoo · 20/09/2017 21:16

Gosh your poor friend. No advice but hope she gets the jabs done somehow.

JCo24 · 20/09/2017 21:17

Just as a little side note, if the father is saying no but the mother yes then they will go with the mother.

If the father says yes and the mother says no then they will side with the father. The GP will go with best interests of the child so as long as she takes the child alone and consents then there will be no problem getting vaccinated.

The real problem here is her abusive excuse for a partner.

Original poster
frankencunt · 20/09/2017 21:17

Thanks everyone. :)

wheredoesallthetimego yes I think that is going to be the easiest option. Although I suspect he will write the letter anyway to make sure he gets his way.

I am speaking to her in the morning so I will read all of this to her and offer to go to see her HV and CAB with her. I will try and get her to open up to her parents too and see if they can also help her to leave.

OP posts:
Liwwybettykins · 20/09/2017 21:19

Sounds like a totally reasonable and sound plan to me! Good luck x

wheredoesallthetimego · 20/09/2017 21:20

apologies then cailleach for jumping to conclusions.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 21:21

Thank you.

niccyb · 20/09/2017 21:23

As a nurse who has recently done a prescribing course, some of the information provided to the public isn’t always as it seems and it is always important to make an informed choice. One example is the flu jabs and hpv vaccine.
However what this man is doing is abuse to your friend and hopefully she will come to her senses and report him. If she wants her baby to be vaccined then she should be able to without fear of being hurt.

DuchessofManchester · 20/09/2017 21:23

I'd be really wary of her taking the child to be vaccinated on the basis he then can't do anything about it. There's a very strong chance she could be putting herself and her child in danger if he finds out she vaccinated against his wishes. Flowers

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 21:25

I don't think it's helpful to hold rabidly passionate views either way.

No one doubts that vaccination is a good thing for herd immunity.
But we need to be aware of risks, and respect the views of everyone.

Some individuals choose to delay or refuse vaccination.
My GP has 5 kids and she has chosen to vaccinate none of them before the age of 12.
We may not agree, but I am sure she has her reasons.

MancLife · 20/09/2017 21:29

Tell her to go to the GP. In some cases consent from just parent is enough. Failing that it's a court order.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Consent-to-treatment/Pages/Children-under-16.aspx

FluffyNinja · 20/09/2017 21:29

For all you know, the father might have a family medical history of vaccine related damage so let them resolve this themselves.
It really isn't any of your business.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 21:30

niccyb some of the information provided to the public isn’t always as it seems and it is always important to make an informed choice. One example is the flu jabs and hpv vaccine.

Can you explain that please.

GetOutOfMYGarden · 20/09/2017 21:31

Cailleach, if that's the case then you need to switch GP. She's clearly not interested in evidence-based medicine and I'd be extremely concerned about what else she likes to ignore latest evidence and best practice guidelines on.

OP, a specific issues order, and LTB is probably the best idea. The court will almost always rule in favor of vaccinating.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 21:31

MancLife it isn't treatment though.

Liwwybettykins · 20/09/2017 21:44

Cailleach, about flu vaccine - maybe just that it is a vaccine that changes every season. Its not amazingly effective but worth it fir people with compromised immune systems - hey if it helps you avoid the flu then thats a good thing right?

Hpv tends to be marketed as a prevention for cervical cancer. Which it is - kind of. Its against the leading cause of cervical cancer which is a sti called human papilloma virus. I mean, as a result you could say why should everyone get it? Condoms and abstinence are also effective and also just because you have the vaccine doesnt mean you wont get cervical cancer as hpv is just one cause. If it was available for me as a teen though I think I would have liked to have gotten it, and for my daughter too I think I would advise her to get it also.

Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 21:47

niccyb ?