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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice on how to deal with an Anti-vaccer

125 replies

frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:19

Help. Posting here for traffic as I need to speak to my friend in the morning.

My dear friend is in a relationship with a complete prick who is trying to stop her vaccinating their new baby.

She of course wants the vaccinations but he has said he will not allow it and is going to write to the GP to say he doesn't give his consent.

He is a total arsehole who refuses to speak to her about it, refuses to speak to medical professionals and gets all of his information from crappy American websites from what I can gather.

He has now threatened her as well if she had them done without his permission.

Could anyone point me to some easy to understand research/info that I could get for her?

Does anybody know if he can block the vaccines or if they will do them with just her consent?

We are in the UK.

Thank you!

OP posts:
wheredoesallthetimego · 20/09/2017 20:39

mumofddds not if they are made aware of his objection, I'm a GP and we have a family where one parent is anti vax. My litigation insurer was very clear that now we are aware of the issue we can't vaccinate without that parents consent or a court order.

flippinada · 20/09/2017 20:42

I understand why you're concerned but I don't think presenting your friend's partner with information about vaccinations, however impartial and well researched, is likely to have any impact.

I would encourage your friend to raise her concerns with her HV and GP as their opinions as health professionals will carry more clout and they will (I would hope) be able to tell OP if his permission is needed or not.

SusanTheGentle · 20/09/2017 20:43

Giving my babies MMR was not for them.

No, I hear measles is much for fun for them. Hmm

wheredoesallthetimego · 20/09/2017 20:44

This reply has been deleted

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Butterymuffin · 20/09/2017 20:45

You were rude to OP. Just serving it back. Plus, what Susan said.

flippinada · 20/09/2017 20:45

Oh lots of cross posts there.

DixieFlatline · 20/09/2017 20:46

No, I hear measles is much for fun for them.

That's the only one I didn't catch due to my parents not giving me the MMR - and only because we were given a measles booster at school, I assume.

specialsubject · 20/09/2017 20:46

I bet he is vaccinated...

Anyway, your friend needs to dump him as he is threatening her. Doesn't matter what the reason is. Fists will be next and she needs him gone before that.

AlternativeTentacle · 20/09/2017 20:47

No, I hear measles is much for fun for them

Not as much fun as mumps. Happy days. And Rubella is so fucking rock and roll.

Original poster
frankencunt · 20/09/2017 20:47

wheredoesallthetimego what would your advice be? Would her HV be the first port of call or a family solicitor/CAB do you think?

She definitely needs to leave this sack of shit, she knows this, she has known it for a long time but whether she will is another matter. I hope this will be enough to push her to go.

They have already had the 6 week check, I will find out more about what was said tomorrow.

I would be worried about her doing it behind his back while still living under his roof after his threat. I think I need to persuade her to leave then go from there.

OP posts:
Cailleach666 · 20/09/2017 20:49

cailleach you're an idiot. Sorry, you are. There is no reason to delay MMR and I hope your kids give you a hard time for it.

My son was damaged by the pertussis vaccine.

He had several years of treatment to help him get over the awful problems.
His hospital consultant advised against having MMR and his sister too, in case of adverse effects.

My son still had whooping cough despite all the baby injections.

Vaccines are not without risks.

flippinada · 20/09/2017 20:50

He sounds horrible OP. Glad she had you in her corner - what a thing to be dealing with when you have a newborn. Just in case, Women's Aid might be able to help - not specifically on the vaccination thing of course but with support for your friend.

Gartenzwerg · 20/09/2017 20:50

He sounds like a tiresome arsehole. Your friend is not going to be helped by some web links that her partner will just pooh-pooh. She needs to kick him into touch

BeeFarseer · 20/09/2017 20:51

I'm passionate about vaccinations. I agree with the previous poster that actually, this isn't your friend's main issue - it's her partner's disturbing attitude towards her.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be gently encouraging her to be honest with her health visitor and telling her that her partner is not reacting normally, and it's not acceptable behaviour.

flippinada · 20/09/2017 20:54

Yep, the main issue is definitely the horrible partner and not the vaccinations

LilQueenie · 20/09/2017 20:54

it should have been discussed pre-baby. however are you calling him an arse over his anti vaccine stance or in general? there are legitimate reasons to withhold vaccination. Have you considered that he may be genuinely worried.

LilQueenie · 20/09/2017 20:56

Threatened her in what way?

ReanimatedSGB · 20/09/2017 20:56

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Lovemusic33 · 20/09/2017 20:57

People have a right to their views and their opinions. The woofing thing here is the threats from him.

I'm not anti vaccination but if I had another baby I would not give them the MMR after what happened to my dd, I would pay for single vaccines though.

I wasn't vaccinated as a child due to epilepsy in the family ( for a while they thought there was a risk with vaccines), I had measles, whooping cough, mumps and rubella.

Chances are if she delays her health visitor will keep calling and trying to persuade them to change their minds. Maybe he should talk to the Heath visitor and she can go through the facts with him?

JaneEyre70 · 20/09/2017 21:00

I find it terrifying to think that anyone would chose to expose their children to fatal diseases that are preventable. I personally think it is a form of child abuse/neglect and should be over ridden by courts. We are losing herd immunity thanks to these idiots. I feel very strongly about it, and think your friend needs to grow a backbone and do what's right for her baby not her partner. But she has to be the one to do it, not you and I'd be wary of getting too closely involved for your own sanity.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 20/09/2017 21:02

People should not jump to conclusions about why someone has withheld a vaccination. I haven't had the measles vax and there is a bloody good - medical - reason for it. Don't assume that lack of vaxxing means that person is anti-vax.

Anyway, in this case if there is no medical reason why the baby shouldn't be vaxxed then the H is being a twat. I agree with other posters though, it sounds as if OP's friend needs to get out of what sounds like an abusive relationship first and worry about vaxxing later.

LilQueenie · 20/09/2017 21:03

Antivaxxers are all morons, and many are malevolent morons with it

because some choose not to due to various complications and still get this crap. Have you read upthread where a child has been injured by vaccines?

Original poster
frankencunt · 20/09/2017 21:06

The threat was very vague. He said if she went ahead against his wishes he would do something to make her regret it.

He has very strong beliefs that all conventional medication/vaccination is wrong (despite having had a tumour removed from his testicle by conventional surgeons and medicine).

He is also not very nice to her which is why I am calling him an arse.

OP posts:
ShapelyBingoWing · 20/09/2017 21:07

The biggest issue here is the abusive relationship. Please do try and support her with that over the vaccine issue.

Which, incidentally, has an easy solution. Tell her to agree with his 'superior knowledge of the available evidence'. Then do it anyway. They only need single parent consent and if he thinks she agrees then his letter won't get sent.

Nanny0gg · 20/09/2017 21:08

She shouldn't go ahead behind his back - there is a chance the baby will react a little and he will notice. And then the friend might not be safe.

She needs to leave first, vaccinate second.