Huge pressure from parents and feeling totally confused - what to do?

[CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkey]

I'm a first-time poster, so sorry if this isn't the best place for this sort of post - I wasn't sure where to put it.

This might sound crazy, but I didn't feel like I could talk about this with anyone in real life, so hope you don't mind me asking you all for some help.

I just feel so much pressure from my family to decide on what I should be doing for the rest of my life and I haven't got a clue :(

I come from a fairly big family, with loads of cousins and siblings, and everyone just seems to be doing so well (Dad in a fairly high-up position in finance, Mum is a dentist, and all my siblings and cousins are in things like law, finance and medicine - either studying or have already been working for a few years).

I'm the second-youngest of five, so saw three of my siblings get great results at school, go off to uni to do amazing degrees and then go into great jobs. They all worked so hard to get to where they are now, and they've done so well.

I also went to uni, but felt really pressured by my parents and school into making certain decisions. I liked the look of a Languages university course in Cardiff, but my Dad suggested that I apply to Oxford. I ended up getting in and have now finished my degree, graduating last summer. I liked the degree and some bits of living there and the whole experience, but the pressure that I felt during the course just reminded me of the pressure that I had growing up.

Education is sooo important to my parents, and it is really important to me too, but now that I've finished my degree, I just don't really know what to do with my life. I feel so tired and exhausted.

Since finishing last year, I've been doing stuff like giving music lessons for local kids where I live and have a part-time job in a restaurant while I figure out what to do with my life.

I think my parents find it really embarrassing that I'm aimless and not doing anything specific with my life. They keep on saying I should try and do a law/finance grad scheme when they ask what I'll do with my life, but it's so hard to talk to them and my siblings as they're always so busy and I don't want to disturb them. I feel a bit like the family embarrassment

I do want to be successful and to go into something where I can earn a good salary and progress, if that doesn't sound too money-grabbing. But I've looked at what my parents and siblings did, and honestly none of it appeals. My parents are a bit like Tiger-parents and I really don't want to disappoint them, but I also think I have a right to enjoy my life and be happy with the job I do. Just stuck on what I can do.

I meant life not log!!!

Exactly what atrocious said. Well done & don't rush

What about working as a Translator, or as a Revisor, putting foreign language texts which have been roughly translated, into good English?

Whilst I agree with a lot of the posters. I would also say do not dismiss the corporate, well paid careers that your family suggest. There is a lot to be said for a good wage and a respected job. Especially if you care about things like that, which it sounds like you do. If you have something else that you are passionate about, or know you have a calling-teaching, caring for people etc. Then great, go for it. That would be the right decision for you.

But if you're tossing up which would you prefer - city lawyer or teacher and you don't have a strong opinion then please consider that both will have good and bad days but one is much better paid.

Where abouts do you live OP? You could possibly give 1:1 language lessons to adults/teens in thir own homes (like my brother in law) or teach in a further education college or do translation work of some form.

I wonder if there's some international aid or charitable agency work you could do where your language knowledge will be helpful?

Oh gd you sound so much like me 10 years ago. I also went to Oxbridge (although that was my own decision, parents never thought I'd get in!) but afterwards spent a year doing internships and bouncing from one thing to another while they got more and more irritated, all the while subtly persuading me law was the most "stable" career while the artsy thing I actually wanted to do was too risky.

10 years later I can say I am an ex-solicitor with a burgeoning career in my artsy career that has now been derailed due to having a baby. If I had just pursued it originally instead of wasting 5 years in law I might have actually achieved more than I otherwise have so far in the thing I actually wanted to do before having kids.

TL;DR - pursue something you actually want to do. Your parents have 4 other kids they can crow about so embrace the freedom of disappointing them and follow your own path.

And ultimately if you work hard in whatever you choose to pursue you may be successful in ways they could never have anticipated (this happened to my DH who didn't go to uni much to his parents' horror).

Best of luck.

I can't thank you all enough for your answers. You've honestly all made me realise how much I need to just take some time to step aside and have a really good think.

Thinking about how I've felt so far in my life when I've felt under pressure or stressed, I don't think that a really fast-paced and pressurised work environment would suit me best - especially when it's for a career that I don't think I'd feel particularly interested in. In terms of looking into a career like law, for example, I've never felt particularly drawn towards it at all. I hope that's kind of understandable.

I guess that so far I've always been told by my parents and siblings that careers do involve a lot of blood, sweat and tears (literally, in some cases, for my relatives!) and one of my Dad's 'mantras' when I was growing up and thinking about what I wanted to do in life was 'no pain, no gain'. I suppose I took that to mean that I was never supposed to 'enjoy' the career I ended up in, whatever it is, as it is a job at the end of the day, and as long as it brings in an income, that's good enough. But actually now that just makes me feel quite sad - and I do feel life's too short to be doing something that I never enjoy or feel happy doing.

And when I think about how I've felt so far about everything, I've been really impressed and proud about what my siblings have all achieved and, when I've thought about the kinds of jobs that they do, I've never felt really passionate or excited by any of those specific ones (e.g. finance, medicine, law).

I've read and taken down the advice that's been posted so far, and it's thrown up a lot of interesting questions really. I think now what I'm really wondering about is whether I could find a full-time role in the private sector that involves helping people and genuinely making a difference?

What I would really value at this stage is going into something where I really feel that I could make a difference in some way but also something that would pay well and have good progression. I've had a couple of hours free and the house to myself tonight, so spent quite a few hours looking for jobs that might fit that category but haven't yet found anything. I'll keep on looking tomorrow though, as I've got a free morning. Just wondering if anyone's aware of any positions that might fit that?

I'm based in Berkshire, so good transport links for getting around for freelance stuff and not too far from Oxford and London too, in case I need to travel there for anything.

Information jobs (eg researcher, information officer, research librarian) might be good options if you want a taste of corporate life without too much pressure. European languages are a big plus on your CV for that kind of work.

Salaries aren't bad here

Just a few thoughts but I wish I'd actually sat down and worked out what kind of person I was before deciding what kind of job to do. For instance, do you like routine or spontaneity and creativity? Could you thrive in a structured corporate environment because you feel more comfortable with rules or would you find this stifling? Are you happy working on your own or in a team? Do you prefer quiet or noisy environments? What would give you more pleasure completing a report or helping/teaching others? Would you prefer an office environment or one that involved working outdoors, or at least moving around. How important are financial rewards (to you, not to your parents!). Ŷou could probably thinking of tons of other questions but you get my drift.

Once you find the answers to these questions you might find it easier to narrow down what you want to do. You might then try to work as an intern in some of these organisations as a taster.

Please don't feel bad about not knowing what to do next. To a certain extent your parents haven't helped you by not encouraging independent thought and by seemingly always knowing best what's right for you. Unfortunately that's a load of crap because you can end up pleasing them and find yourself ten years later having wasted years of your working life doing the wrong thing (bitter words of experience!!!)

Here's the sort of job to start on www.tfpl.com/job/information-researcher-with-european-languages/

With your love for research and languages I wonder about broadcast journalism. You could probably get a job as a researcher and if you like it you could (though you may not need to) do a one year PG diploma in it. There's s lot goes on behind the scenes on the research side, you don't have to broadcast! I believe Sophie Raworth first studied languages and DD has a friend who works for France 24 based in Paris.

Lots of good advice above. You're in a strong position as Oxbridge still opens doors. Spread those wings!

I agree with most of what PPs have said: congratulations on your degree so far and now, take some time to breathe.

You're so young and have so very many possibilities ahead of you - you honestly can't begin to understand that fully until you get the other side of the next couple of decades. Every year that passes now will bring you extra responsibilities, extra "stuff" that will decrease your flexibility. Right now you have no mortgage, no children, nothing that you honestly can't leave behind or carry with you.

You have fluency in at least 3 languages. There's a world out there - literal and metaphorical - you really don't have to pin yourself to one tiny bit of it yet. You've identified some kind of community/public service as being important to you, which is great. I agree very much with people suggesting you go travel and do some sort of teaching/charity work abroad in the short term. You'll find your passion and that's what will make you successful. Don't let other people's expectations shape your life - it's the only one you're going to get and you're the only one who gets to live it. I'm green with envy!

If you like helping people have you considered training to be a speech therapist? I'm not sure if its still the case but when I looked into it a while ago a langauges degree meant you could do a two year postgrad to qualify? You could do a year off and do some travelling/just have fun before you start?

IMO financial independence is important: how can you achieve that while seeking something you'd enjoy?

Why limit yourself to the private sector? There are well paid jobs in the public and voluntary sector too, albeit fewer.

There is often a trade off between earning well and doing altruistic things.

If your parents were not pressurising you, what would you do with your life? If you're not sure then what's the hurry? The only problem here is the pressure you are under. The pathway to the right career doesn't always run smoothly and nor should it. You will find your way. There is no harm in taking a few risks or wrong turns either.

Thank you all so so much for all of your suggestions and ideas - it's really exciting just to see how many options there are out there.

I just started writing a post about the work that I've been looking into and the plans I've sort of made, but I pressed something and accidentally lost the message 🙄

I've seen details for this English teaching programme in Japan that looks really good - I'd have to read more into it first though as it might be like what I did on my year abroad, which I found a bit stressful.

Applications open later on in the year to start the job next year, so at the moment, I've also done other work that I could apply for to do this year. I've looked into a couple of office-based jobs with tuition companies that sound quite interesting. They're all in London, so I'll have to either commute in or maybe think about renting somewhere. Long-term, I wonder if that suggests that I'd want to go into a career as a teacher. I taught as an English assistant in Italy on my year abroad, but teaching whole classes really didn't suit me - I reckon I'm quite introverted, and I'm quite shy as well, so the idea of teaching a huge group does stress me out a bit. I watched that documentary Tough Young Teachers a few years ago (not sure if anyone remembers it, but it was about people who'd just graduated who were put straight into schools to train as teachers - I think it was with Teach First?) It looks like something I'd really struggle with, although my friends doing Teach First really enjoy it. To be honest, I feel like tutoring small groups or one-to-one suits me much better. I'm not really not sure where that could lead me career-wise.

Loopy you made a good point about there being a trade-off between having a reasonably good salary and doing altruistic things. At this stage, I'm still thinking whether there are ways of doing both, but I'm not yet sure if it's possible.

I've had a look so far for work on things like CharityJob and W4MP (for jobs in politics), and have checked Indeed as well. Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions about websites that I can use to search for jobs please?

I've also just looked into Citizens Advice - there's a bureau near where I live, and it sounds like something I'd really enjoy doing. As it's voluntary, I would have to find some paid work to do alongside it, but it looks so interesting and worthwhile. I've had a look at the application form and will fill it in when I get back tonight. Has anyone had any experience of volunteering with Citizens Advice at all?

Might be worth doing a personality test online - eg Myers Briggs - you can often get career suggestions for your "type".

IMO teaching is too low paid and too much hard work!

In the public sector the civil service pay isn't bad at management/senior levels.

Cheese wrote: "Loopy you made a good point about there being a trade-off between having a reasonably good salary and doing altruistic things. At this stage, I'm still thinking whether there are ways of doing both, but I'm not yet sure if it's possible. ... I've had a look so far for work on things like CharityJob and W4MP (for jobs in politics), and have checked Indeed as well. Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions about websites that I can use to search for jobs please?"

Here's one page: www.crownagents.com/jobs/why-work-for-crown-agents
I'm not quite sure what exactly it is they do, to be honest, but I think it has to do with charity-related work, working in developing countries contributing with ... eh... I'm not quite sure... ... training and education and giving "advice", I believe. I'm not really well read up on the topic, I must admit. Anyway, it struck me that your French might come in handy. Why not have a look for yourself!?

What about the FCO, with language skills and an interest in public service it's worth considering

I am slightly embarrassed with what I have achieved with a 2:1 in Political Economics from a well respected University and I have done very little with it. I was the child out of six who did best at school and University but I didn't do a course I loved, I did a course to impress my father, he didn't pressurise me but I idolised him back then and the jobs I got from that never really inspired me - they bored me senseless. Then I met dh who loves his work and became a SAHM - and I do the things I love as a hobby but I do regret choices I made at 18.

Choose something you love, that's where success lies!

What's the FCO?
/Ignorant

Ugh. I'm not sure how I could forget the abbreviation. I've Googled it now. My only feeble excuse is that I'm abroad and it's not on my mind very often (or at all tbh).

You are just the interesting, zen one in the family. The treadmill is not for you, instead you will take a more interesting walk. Not all of us get reward from money and career progression (although security helps), just stress and angst. So don't feel different in a bad way, feel different in a smug way.