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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell DD she can no longer play the violin and has to pick something else? (She sounds fucking horrific!)

122 replies

hoppitybob · 19/09/2017 19:26

Help. I'm absolutely hating it. Awful sound, it's screeching in my ear, even when she is taking a break!! She loves it, but my God, I can't take anymore.

Piano, guitar, etc. fine. I wish the violin was never on offer to her.

WIBU to say she can pick any other instrument she likes? It's been 9 months and it sounds the exact same, but that awful sound is just making a sort of tune...

OP posts:
SonicHedgehog · 20/09/2017 00:35

Could be worse. It could be the trumpet.

I have never understood why anyone would choose to play the trumpet. Has to be the unsexiest instrument out there. It doesn't even sound nice!

Now the cello....I could get on board with a cello.

Nettletheelf · 20/09/2017 01:03

You can look even unsexier then a trumpet player by playing a tuba. That is a fact. I am in an orchestra and I have made a close study.

Applesandpears56 · 20/09/2017 01:05

Switch to the viola or cello - much deeper sounds so less scratchy but keeps what's she's learnt on bowing etc

avamiah · 20/09/2017 01:05

LaughingElliot,
Your ds must have a talent.
My 7 year old has been having weekly guitar lessons for over 6 months and she can hardly string a chord together.lol
We don't hire the guitar, only the private tutor but as they say Rome wasn't built in a day .

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 20/09/2017 01:10

My dm made me give up learning the violin when I was at primary because it sounded terrible (she didn't tell me that at the time) and it hasn't had any long term impact on my life although maybe I would have been a world class violinist, I may have to have words

LadyHonoriaDedlock · 20/09/2017 01:17

sonic I play the trumpet and I am sexy AF

GrasswillbeGreener · 20/09/2017 02:17

My heart sinks when I hear or read comments about beginner violins sounding awful, because I still believe it is possible to develop a good sound as your first priority when teaching violin. I am now teaching and I would say that all my lessons so far this term, bar my 1 more advanced student, have been about tone. My students might not necessarily realise that because I've talked to them about different things depending on what they were doing right and what I thought we could improve that lesson. I'm actually quite happy with the sound most of them can get right now.

One thing I have learnt from lessons I am having to help my teaching, is that you have a better chance of getting a good sound if you work on quite short bow strokes first rather than long slow notes. So try open string rhythm patterns with your children and ask them to listen to their sound.

I am very happy to be messaged privately if any of you would like to discuss ways you could potentially help your children at home. Hope they continue to enjoy violin and improve enough that those around them can enjoy it too!

GrasswillbeGreener · 20/09/2017 02:19

Meant to say also, my. outstanding memory of having to listen to violin practice comes from the other extreme really; my talented little sister used to start her violin practice the other side of my bedroom wall at about the time I went to bed, during my last couple of years at school. I got to know the notes in several major concertos VERY well even though I've never attempted to learn them myself ...

LaughingElliot · 20/09/2017 03:14

avarmiah I really don't know that he does. But what grass says resonates as my son's teacher has focused on sound quality (and bow grip) and somehow taught him how to listen for it too. She is amazing! V unlike the teacher I had as s child who just yelled and threatened 😩

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2017 03:18

Haven't RTFT but my DF says, in his 70s, that the happiest day of his life was when I gave up the violin. I was atrocious.

ButchyRestingFace · 20/09/2017 03:34

This brings back memories of my dearly departed doggy, whose legs appeared to give way from under him whenever 11 year old me produced the violin for the nightly torture practice session. Grin

He would lie on the floor, fix me with an et tu, Brutus look, and cry the house down for the duration of The Leaving of Liverpool and so on.

I totally sucked, and never improved. Not saying this will happen to you of course, OP. Halo

But maybe you could try lying on the floor howling to speed things along, progress wise?

Dixiestampsagain · 20/09/2017 05:41

To be fair, grass, my dd can only play 2 notes but her tone isn't bad at all (she's 7, so. It amazingly young to start violin I guess). Absolutely agree with your comment on tone- it's hard as a brass/woodwind player to know about technique specifics but I'm glad she has a good tone to start with as I wouldn't know how to advise her.

TiesThatBindMe · 20/09/2017 05:49

I relegated (delegated) two tasks to DP with regards to dd. Maths homework and fiddle practice! He had infinitely more patience than myself.

Slartybartfast · 20/09/2017 05:53

Can you suggest cello?
much less screech?

TiesThatBindMe · 20/09/2017 05:54

6 years in, dd has won various competitions with the fiddle and no longer sounds like she is scratching her nails down a black-board. And maths is up there with the rest of her results. No thanks to me. But my God was it torture.

kuniloofdooksa · 20/09/2017 05:54

Yabu
The only way to get good at something is to be bad at it over and over again till you improve. The awful noise is a part of this. You will get through the awful phase quicker if you get her to make the awful noises more frequently and for longer.

Making her give it up because you can't stand her getting through the being-bad-at-it phase would be a terrible life lesson that could jeopardise her entire future. She needs to learn determination not defeatism

Slartybartfast · 20/09/2017 05:57

I think you should have banned it before she started not now. let her make her decisions about whether she likes it.

LaughingElliot · 20/09/2017 06:40

Dixie do you have a digital tuner?

Pregosaurus · 20/09/2017 06:52

Just burn it and pretend you don't know what happened. Beginner string players are the work of the devil - would never allow my children to even think about it. They can pay the piano and be grateful.

Only1scoop · 20/09/2017 07:05

This brings back memories

I used to make our Springer Spaniel howl

TimbuktuTimbuktu · 20/09/2017 07:13

Everyone is unreasonable to play the violin or flute at all. There are 1000 other kids that do it and you'll never get a place in the bloody orchestra because some snotty little 9 year old grade 8 prodigy will get there first.

People should learn the viola, or the bassoon. You'll get a part in everything.

Definitely not bitter!

5rivers7hills · 20/09/2017 07:19

What's with all the trumpet hate!

I love brass instruments. I would prefer it if they taught cornet to children rather than trumpettough, easier to play in a group with earlier on.

5rivers7hills · 20/09/2017 07:20

@TimbuktuTimbuktu makes a good point.

I played an unusual instrument and always got parts in grouos where as I doubt I would if I'd been on a common instrument!

The oboe is a lovely instrument.

TimbuktuTimbuktu · 20/09/2017 07:25

Yeah oboe is good too. It's all about finding the balance between something unusual enough to get you a part and not so big that you have to hire a removal van to get it to school.

I always felt really sorry for the double bassists!

Hayesking · 20/09/2017 07:31

I would make sure it's tuned properly. After 9 months I used to love to listen to dd play.