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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to sell my son's PS4 for €3.40?

95 replies

Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 16:40

My son stole €3.40 from my coat pocket today when I went to collect my daughter from violin practice at school. Not the first time, feel I've tried everything as far as punishment goes.

Would I be unreasonable to sell his precious PS4 for the same amount?

Harsh I know!

OP posts:

1moreRep · 19/09/2017 18:39

be careful doing the guards thing as you want him to ne willing to call them/ ask them for help when he needs them- i really don't agree with getting the police to parent for you as it makes them the bad guys in your child opinion.

you want him to feel safe around the police, to be on the same side i case he gets victimised in the future

WomblingThree · 19/09/2017 18:43

@Cailleach666 that's all very well that you don't punish, but instead of a sanctimonious one liner, why not tell the OP what you actually do do. It might be more helpful.

Funnyonion17 · 19/09/2017 18:43

I would cancel his subscription for the PS4 network indefinitely

Cailleach666 · 19/09/2017 19:34

I'm not s.eeing the connection between the stolen money and the PS4

MyOtherProfile · 19/09/2017 20:25

Maybe you've already talked about this but does he get a reasonable amount of pocket money?

Original poster

Myheartbelongsto · 20/09/2017 08:22

Thank you for the replies.

Spoke to my boy last night so will update later as getting ready for school and work.

OP posts:

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/09/2017 08:32

If it helps...I used to nick change out of Dad's jeans to buy penny sweeties. We weren't given many sweets, and didn't have pocket money at that age (10/11) and I wanted to be able to go to the community centre shop like everyone else. Dad never noticed and I stopped when I started secondary school and got lunch money and regular pocket money (which I never spent on sweets!).

I just wanted to give a perspective that wasn't doom and gloom and "he'll go on to nick cars"!

BarbarianMum · 20/09/2017 08:46

I stole in a similar way at that age. It was never very much and it was always for sweets. Very sweet tooth.

Just wanted to let you know that there isn't necessarily some big, complicated reason behind it.

It stopped when was 13 and able to earn my own money.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 20/09/2017 08:57

OP - I've read the thread and seen that you've spoken to your son last night so hopefully it's all going to get better.
You mentioned that you have set up a reward chart and that seems to work. I'd have item #1 on that chart - Don't Steal and Don't lie.
I have no time for people (kids or adults) who lie to me and if I asked a question "Did you take X amount of money out of my jacket pocket" and the answer was "No" yet you knew they did, I'd have harsher consequences than if they said "Yes".
Hopefully your chat last night has had the desired effect you're after.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 20/09/2017 09:01

Does he get treats at home or does he always have to buy them?

I stole as a kid - money for the tuck shop at school! My parents were very into healthy eating and never bought so much as a biscuit in the weekly shop. If I wanted chocolate, crisps, sweets, biscuits or anything remotely unhealthy I had to buy it myself, and the money I got I wasn't allowed to take to school, so I stole other money that I could take.

So far as I know my parents never found out. It was only loose change and never more than a couple of pounds.

I'm just giving another perspective. If he's not allowed treats at home and you restrict how much of his own money he can spend on sweets, he's probably fairly resentful. At that age they start to want more independence and the same stuff as their friends, which often means you have to let go a bit and trust that they'll eventually grow out of spending their pocket money on tat!

MsJolly · 20/09/2017 09:14

How did the chat go?

Original poster

Myheartbelongsto · 20/09/2017 09:36

OK so we had a chat. Sat him down at the kitchen table and asked did he know what I wanted to chat about, he said no. I said I knew that he stole the money for my bus fare and that I was really disappointed in him. Told him that as a consequence for him stealing he was going to lose his pocket money and his PlayStation and would have to earn it back. Told him as a result of stealing my bus fare I was now going to have to walk to the nearest cash point and get change. I'm dying with a cold at the moment and he felt bad that I was going to have to walk so he offered to come with me.
I've written a list of jobs that he can do to earn back the money he stole. I got him to sign the bottom of it as he has a habit of saying that I said something else and I didn't want to have another fall out over this in a couple of days.
He cried when I told him he was going to lose his PlayStation so I'm a little worried that he's only upset over his own loss and not at the stealing.

My boyfriend is currently doing up our back garden and has been filling a skip for the last few days so my son is going to help with this tonight as it's one of the jobs on his buy back list.

So we'll see how it goes!

Thanks again for all the replies.

OP posts:

YeahButNo · 20/09/2017 09:56

When I was about 9-11 (I can't remember the exact age), I went through a stealing phase. I stole from the local paper shop as well as from relatives. I can't remember what was going on in my head other than I was being greedy and just wanted the stuff. I was shamed into stopping. Basically, my parents went around telling our relatives to hide their valuables lest I pilfered them.

Melabela10 · 20/09/2017 13:23

I'm not sure selling his PS will help to get to the root of the issue.
You need to understand the reasons for stealing, is he stealing to get your attention? Ot may be it's just he see other children buying sweets but he doesn't have enough pocket moneya? repeated sealing for no reason can be sign of kleptomania.

I would sit him down and proper lecture him or I would take him to police station and get local bobby to lecture him properly and spell out the consequences.

When I was 6-7 yrs old I've taken very cool pen from somebody at school, I saw girl running around with it and dropping it at the floor, I've just picked it up and put in my pocket. When I came home my parents discovered it, they made a big deal out of it. They also called a friend who was a local policemen and asked him to explain me the consequences . He told me over the phone he takes people who steals to the police station and make them sleep on the floor Ina dark room and eat worms ! Perhaps it was a bit too much given it was the first time it happened to me but I still remember shaking in my bed alll night. Saying that , I never touched anyone's belonging since then

WhatchaMaCalllit · 20/09/2017 13:55

It's no harm that he learns if he steals from you, that he loses something that is precious to him (even for a short time). It teaches him cause and effect.
How long will it take him to 'earn' back his PS4? If its only a day or two it might not fully drive home just how he has disappointed you and how serious you're taking this.
I 100% think that you're doing the right thing here and hopefully this will be the end of him stealing from you but you're on the case so don't beat yourself up over it.

mummmy2017 · 20/09/2017 14:24

May sure you Thank him for helping, and tell him your very grateful that he is helping to pay for the stealing by working.
It's so important right now you make him feel good for putting the wrong to right, as the possive backing up, rather than continuing to comment on the bad is just as important, for all this too work.

AuntyEstablishment · 20/09/2017 14:37

Sounds promising. I like the signing the agreement. I did the same when my D.C. got their first PCs and phones. It means that everyone knew what was expected of them.

AuntyEstablishment · 20/09/2017 14:38

It's so important right now you make him feel good for putting the wrong to right, as the possive backing up, rather than continuing to comment on the bad is just as important, for all this too work.

I agree with this. 👍🏻

poppy1973 · 20/09/2017 14:39

Take away his ps4 for a week and say you have taken it to the local charity shop !!

Mum2OneTeen · 20/09/2017 14:59

Gosh, that's an awful thing to deal with. Such a betrayal of trust. Taking away the gaming device/changing wi-fi passwords are all good immediate ideas as you need to nip this behaviour before it escalates into a full blown teenage problem of shoplifting etc.

In the longer term I would consider encouraging him to get a weekend job stacking shelves in a shop or doing a paper round/catalogue delivery. That sort of thing. It would help with him having too much time on his hands/boredom and would be good for his self esteem, as well as learning the link between work & money and delayed gratification. I'm wondering if he just takes the money to buy sweets because it's a bit exciting and he's basically bored?

Anyway, whatever you do, good luck!

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