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AIBU?

Wibu to sell my son's PS4 for €3.40?

95 replies

Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 16:40

My son stole €3.40 from my coat pocket today when I went to collect my daughter from violin practice at school. Not the first time, feel I've tried everything as far as punishment goes.

Would I be unreasonable to sell his precious PS4 for the same amount?

Harsh I know!

OP posts:

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Sandsunsea · 19/09/2017 16:59

Thief ^

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TheHungryDonkey · 19/09/2017 17:00

Stealing is wrong but all I'm hearing is the daughter, money and new violin and lessons. Is he jealous?

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Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 17:00

It's currently in my friends house that lives across the road from me.

I've also been onto my local garda station and will be bringing him there later this evening.

OP posts:

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redthunder123 · 19/09/2017 17:02

OP was obviously joking, gosh some people!

I would write a list and total up all his stole, sit him down and go through it with him. and say what that money should of been used for.

eg £3.40 to get the bus to work
£10 for two days lunches.

sit him down and say things are tight we might have to sell some things to cover essentials e.g. bills food. ask if he has anything to contribute to sell... e.g. his PlayStation.

dramatic but I think it may make him realise.

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Bluffinwithmymuffin · 19/09/2017 17:03

Today 16:58 Sandsunsea

Yanbu. He needs to see your ott batshit crazy gangster side exists. Stealing from you is completely unacceptable. It isn't the first time so he clearly hadn't yet learned that his actions have consequences. You do not want him to be a theif. Sell the PS4.

whoa, no no no to this. I hate this kind of creative punishing, it smacks of malicious cruelty - like those vile parents who pour washing up liquid into kids' mouths to teach them not to lie or swear.... yeah, right

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Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 17:04

Is he jealous? Nope. He was offered music lessons at school and said he didn't want to do it. I fully encouraged him to take up banjo as he expressed and interest in this last year but he said no he didn't want to do it.

I spent over €100 on a football kit only for him to do it once last year! He never, ever gets left out.

OP posts:

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clairethewitch70 · 19/09/2017 17:07

Aged 11, I would take it off him and make him earn it back, but I wouldn't sell it.

Are you really sure the money is to buy sweets? Not having it taken off him by someone or even saving up to buy a gift for someone?

Is it for attention, albeit negative?

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coffeekittens · 19/09/2017 17:08

I'd take away technology for x amount of days but also get to the bottom of why he is stealing

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Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 17:11

I doubt it's for attention as he gets plenty. He's just very selfish to be honest. Definitely gone on sweets, the minute he gets his pocket money he's off to the shop. I put a €1 limit on sweets and then some of it goes towards saving for a PS4 game for example. I will also contribute to the game by giving him extra chores, only little things like helping me tidy back garden, clean out car all very small jobs to be honest.

OP posts:

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Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 17:12

I've asked him before why he has stolen, says I don't know.

At my wits end with him to be honest.

OP posts:

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ZerbaPadnaTigre · 19/09/2017 17:13

If he buys game on disc rather than downloads them, I think it's totally reasonable to sell one of those to make back the money he stole.

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pilates · 19/09/2017 17:13

I think I would get to the bottom of why he feels the need to steal from you. He sounds like he doesn't go without.

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Caulkheadupnorf · 19/09/2017 17:14

I stole off my parents at that age because I wanted money for sweets. My parents made a big deal about how little money we had so I felt guilty asking for money. I'm thought if I stole it then they wouldn't notice.

Does he know that you know he's done it a few times?

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ParanoidBeryl · 19/09/2017 17:17

Does he get any pocket money for discretionary spending, or does he have to ask you for money each time?

Also, if he is spending the money on buying sweets, does he have blood sugar highs & lows?

Is he generally happy? Is his Dad on the scene? Is everything happy at home? What about school?

I would agree that selling his PS4 is a bit OTT and disproportionate.

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EamonnWright · 19/09/2017 17:19

Take it off him for a week.

If not send me a message and I'll buy it

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guilty100 · 19/09/2017 17:20

Do it, and then tell him he can have it back. Then offer him £3.40 in cola sweets instead of the PS. When he is disappointed and says it's not fair because it's not the same, tell him that the disappointment he feels is nothing like the disappointment you feel in him each time he does this, and that you can't 'undo' something like theft by giving the money back because the hurt is in the act of theft itself.

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EamonnWright · 19/09/2017 17:22

Good idea bringing him to the Guards. Hopefully make him realise the seriousness of stealing. There really are folk with criminal records for less than a fiver and who really wants to employ someone with a record for being dishonest?

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SemiNormal · 19/09/2017 17:23

If he buys game on disc rather than downloads them, I think it's totally reasonable to sell one of those to make back the money he stole - I was going to suggest the same thing. Also I'd be making sure it was his favourite game. Obviously some people would find that mean/cruel/nasty but someone going into my pocket or handbag and taking my money is an absolute violation of my privacy and property and it would not be dealt with by an 'explaination' - sorry but fuck that, he's 11 years old not 5, he should know better.

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ChelleDawg2020 · 19/09/2017 17:23

You should punish him but I think to do so to the extent of 50 to 100 times the amount is a little harsh. But you are the parent, so if you are prepared to deal with the fallout then go for it.

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Hillingdon · 19/09/2017 17:27

Chores are going to be a nightmare to try and implement especially at his age and also the fact he thinks its OK to steal from you.

So, if it was me. Change the Wi-Fi password. Young lads HATE being without wi-fi. I would hide the PS4 for the foreseeable future though.

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AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 19/09/2017 17:28

See if a stern talking-to from the gardai works first - if it doesn't, next time take the PS4 and sell it. Better than a lifetime of thieving.

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SemiNormal · 19/09/2017 17:31

I dont quite see how one thing equates to the other. Was the £3.40 special to you? Its a misdemeanor, yes and should be punished but I think your idea is a bit OTT - When a bailiff takes someones car to resell it at a fraction of the cost to make up the, say £100, that someone owes someone else do you think that it's a £100 that was 'special' to the person owed it? Nope. Same principle. You don't pay what you owe then something of yours is sold at a fraction of the price to recover the money. OP would be teaching her son a valuable lesson that applies to the adult world.

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BewareOfDragons · 19/09/2017 17:34

Sell one or two of his PS4 GAMES to recover the £10 he stole from you on holiday and the £3.40 he stole today. Tell him you will sell off his games every single time he takes money or items that don't belong to him, because that is theft, a criminal offense, and he must replace it.

Tell him the police won't be so nice about it if he steals from someone else. He's lucky you're giving him a chance to pay it all back.

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Cailleach666 · 19/09/2017 17:36

I don't punish.

Not the way we relate as a family.

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Goldmandra · 19/09/2017 17:40

How you deal with this depends very much on the reason he is stealing.

If he is stealing because he is using the sweets to buy friendship or comfort eating because of low self esteem, any further punishment will just make him feel more crap about himself.

At 11, he already knows it is wrong so a punishment won't teach him that. If a punishment was going to work, the others you have already imposed would have had an effect.

I think you need to spend some time with him one to one, possibly driving somewhere or doing a job together so it's more relaxed and the reduced eye contact makes it less confrontational. Have a really good long conversation if you can, digging around about school, friendships, emotions, any upsets, how he feels about himself, academic performance, hobbies, etc. Ask lots of open questions and see if you can establish some lines of communication that help you work out what is driving this.

Behaviour management is about understanding the reasons behind the behaviour. If you don't understand it, anything you do to deal with it is a blunt instrument which is unlikely to work and could make matters worse.