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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to sell my son's PS4 for €3.40?

95 replies

Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 16:40

My son stole €3.40 from my coat pocket today when I went to collect my daughter from violin practice at school. Not the first time, feel I've tried everything as far as punishment goes.

Would I be unreasonable to sell his precious PS4 for the same amount?

Harsh I know!

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 19/09/2017 17:40

Does he get pocket money? I would take his PlayStation until he has paid back every penny he owes you.

We have a dish in the kitchen we throw loose change into and everyone can take what they want from it, we've done that since the boys were about 10. Now they mostly use it for bus fares or ice cream money in the summer. They're not greedy children so it worked for us as they rarely used it, but it was nice not to be asked for extras all the time, and it was handy for those last minute school things (20p for pencils in the class, 50p for "civvies" day, etc...)

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 19/09/2017 17:42

Sell it to him.

Put a price on it, then tell him he has to work to pay it off.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/09/2017 17:43

DD is (hopefully) growing out of a stealing phase, she is almost 13.

She too says that she doesnt know why she does it. It isnt money with her but sweets/treats and it doesnt matter at the time who they belong to or the consequences, she will just take them.

I think that she doesnt think about it when she is doing it so the "I dont know" could be true in that the instant gratification of sweets now outweighs potential punishment at some non specific time in the future.

I wouldnt sell the PS4 but I would sell his favourite game as the lack of it when he wants to play it will be a constant reminder of the cost of stealing. I did something similar with DD's phone and it seems to work.

Piggywaspushed · 19/09/2017 17:44

I am not saying there shouldn't be sanctions but I am curious : if he has been light fingered in the past, and continues to be, why are you leaving money where he can get off it? Surely you should cut out temptation?

It's not quite the same but my DS pilfers snack food and it drives me to despair. I now keep it locked in my car.

TimeForTea73 · 19/09/2017 17:45

Captain MarvelDanvers. Yes sell it back to him. How much are ps4s and how many times does £3.40 go into it?

What was the money for?

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/09/2017 17:46

I don't punish.

Not the way we relate as a family.

How very helpful Hmm

Cailleach666 · 19/09/2017 17:46

We have a dish in the kitchen we throw loose change into and everyone can take what they want from it, we've done that since the boys were about 10.

Same here!. Kids help themselves if they need a bus fare or an ice cream, we have never done pocket money. OH and I dump our loose change into it, sometimes grandma puts in a few pounds.
I have seen my kids returning from a trip and putting any unused coins back in the pot.
They system is never abused.

AuntyEstablishment · 19/09/2017 17:50

There are some silly responses on this thread. Seems like a few posters are desperate to put the blame on you.

I think stealing for a third time is pretty bad. I'd be angry and disappointed. I'd do quite a strict punishment and I'd follow through with it.

I'd also give him a really boring lecture.

Hope the Garda help out.

EamonnWright · 19/09/2017 17:51

*I don't punish.

Not the way we relate as a family.*

That's nice.

Getting him to buy it back as said above is an excellent idea.

SemiNormal · 19/09/2017 17:52

why are you leaving money where he can get off it? - Seriously? Hmm

lilybetsy · 19/09/2017 17:58

I feel for you. And I think if you have not lived with a thief you can't get how destructive the lack of trust becomes. My eldest stole again and again and again. From about 10 years old. He is now 18. I found myself taking my purse to the loo, locking things up, it destroyed all trust within the family. He lied repeatedly and stole also from friends and family. I have no answers, but you have my sympathy.
I would go for what hurts most. I probably wouldn't actually sell the PS4, but I would take it away. And make sure he knows why...

ny20005 · 19/09/2017 17:58

Guards is a good idea - maybe they can explain the seriousness of stealing.

Unfortunately it starts at home with change then escalates to shops or stealing your card from your purse

I'd take PlayStation from him & he has to do chores to make every penny back

Original poster
Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 17:58

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, he gets pocket money. €5 every week. Seems a bit mean but if I gave more he'd only spend it on sweets regardless of any limit I put on it.

To be honest money is not the only thing he will steal, he will steal his sister's sweets, pens, pencils that kind of thing.

He is a handful in every sense and I promise you he doesn't miss out on anything.

I bought him new trainers not so long ago and at the same time was praying my own €9 shoes would make it to pay day!

I like the idea of getting him to pay it back.

He also gets one on one time with me so. Tried everything I really have.

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 19/09/2017 17:59

Cailleach, yes, our boys put change into the bowl too! I think it made them feel grown up. It works well for us, in fact just this evening I saw the 17 year old dumping some change into the bowl.

Original poster
Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 18:03

My own brother is a thief and I have cut him out of my life since January of this year and my son knows this and the reason why.

My 12 year old stepson was sitting with him at the kitchen table when I left to collect my daughter and he told me as soon as I left he didn't bother finishing his homework and then searched my coat pocket which I left on the back of the kitchen chair. He told me my son shook my coat and heard the coins so its not as if I left the money out to tempt him, he went looking for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 18:06

I love the bowl idea and my boyfriend keeps loose change in the car, could be 20/30 euro in there which myself and my stepson use for bus fare. My son has been caught in the car before.

It's relentless and I have had enough.

He knows the value of money, he knows I have to work hard for it and he sees me working every day from home also.

OP posts:
AuntyEstablishment · 19/09/2017 18:16

This is exactly the type of thread that shows you have to parent the kids you actually have rather than the ones other people have. IYSWIM I know some families don't 'do' punishments, it's great if it works for you but it will not work for some kids. You can have the best intentions in the world when it comes to parenting but sometimes things just don't work out how you want. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not sure I've explained that well Confused

Original poster
Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 18:23

I get what you're saying aunty. I know some of these suggestions in terms of punishments wouldn't work with my son.

OP posts:
Anecdoche · 19/09/2017 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyIsAFreeElf · 19/09/2017 18:28

I would remove his PS4. Serve him with an itemised bill equaling 3.40. Have a list of chores or things he doesn't want or like doing and price each on accordingly. He has to complete the list to earn back his PS4 ... my kids aren't going to like me very much when they are older haha

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 19/09/2017 18:28

Have the guards give out to him, that's a good idea.

I think selling one of his games could also be a solution, because he would be able to save up to buy it back again.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/09/2017 18:32

The fact that he will actively look for money to take whenever you are not around is worrying. That doesnt suggest poor impulse control when presented wih temptation (say £5 note left out as he is just leaving for school), but premeditated decision making to steal.

Does his school offer counselling? Our school works in partnership with a local young peoples mental health centre and kids can be referred there.

HelloMyNameIsNino · 19/09/2017 18:35

Take it off him. Why sell it?

Original poster
Myheartbelongsto · 19/09/2017 18:38

Mummy, when he does extra chores for games etc he will pick from a list that had a value next to it.

In order to get his pocket money each week we made up reward charts. We all sat down and made them together. Across the top were things like get dressed in the morning for school no dithering. Get bag ready night before, leave on time and that sort of thing. All things they would have to do anyway but I just wanted to start teaching them the value of money and also that in life they had to earn things but in a gentle way. Mornings had started to become difficult because of the examples given not been done. At the time I had been given a huge favour by my boss, she allowed me to finish work at half one instead of half five so that I could collect my children from school and not have to pay for a minder. Hence why my son see's me working from home everyday.

I need all my balls to stay in the air and for the cogs to work together or the whole lot will come crashing down.

Hope that makes sense and I don't sound like an ogre for a mother.

OP posts:
soupforbrains · 19/09/2017 18:38

I completely understand that you want to do something big to try to shock him out of this. It other posters are right you're only really putting yourself out of pocket if you sell it like that.

How much pocket money does he get and does he get it weekly or monthly?

I would completely confiscate the PS4 and all his games and any other electronics he has. Lock them somewhere he can't get to. Then say he gets no pocket money at all until firstly he has paid back what he stole (incluons he €10 on holiday) and then he can buy back the PS4 once he has saved enough. (Either set the price at what you paid for it or what they sell for now in the shops)

Tell him he can speed up the process by earning extra pocket money for doing jobs/chores.

And personally I would ground him too. It does seem that it's not a first offence and you certainly need to break this habit.

However you decide to do this. Good luck.

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