Things that you've thought that were in fact absurd

[Pacificplaza]

Inspired by another current thread: what things have you thought to yourself, and accepted as true, which on telling someone else have quickly transpired to be completely ridiculous?

E.g: I always thought that when drinking a hot beverage, that the misty effect observed should you happen to glance down into the cup was your EYEBALLS getting STEAMED UP in the manner of a pair of glasses. When I casually mentioned this at work everyone kindly pointed out that I was just... seeing the steam.

My car is an old banger with no air con, just the air blower. For my entire life until my ExDP corrected me, I thought you had to 'run' the hot air until it turned from cold to hot eventually in the same way you do the tap. Rather than just turn it on once the car's warmed up. The hours I must have spent grimly tolerating a stream of freezing air in winter .

I'm not normally a simpleton by the way, I've got degrees and stuff and mostly manage to function.

So please tell me I'm not alone!

Had to check whether emus were a real thing with a friend once. I also thought dragons were real, but were now extinct.
And not me but my OH - he misunderstood the whole catching HIV by sharing needles thing and thought that if you mixed two people's blood it somehow just created HIV.

"I had a friend at uni who spent her childhood thinking that The Trailer was a cult film that everyone had seen apart from her." Haha, MotherofPearl, that's just reminded me of another cinema related one.

I once had a colleague whose DP used to drive her to work en-route to his own job. Their route took them past a large cinema; after a few months she remarked to her DP that there must be a really good film showing, because it had been advertised outside for months. When he asked her what it was called, she replied "Licensed Bar For Patrons Only".

Our dog recently had a litter of puppies. She had four puppies and has nine nipples so no difficulty getting access.

It came out in conversation that DH thought all of the milk was in a sort of single bladder like reservoir with the nipples each giving access.

MissJ, I tell my children that when the ice cream van plays a tune it's to let everyone know that it's run out of ice cream. I live for the day they find out the truth and ring me to tell me off for lying to them!

Where I used to live the ice cream van came round at 7 pm so I told my youngest at the time that it was the 'go to bed van' and it came round playing music so all the kids knew it was time to go to bed. He'd hear it and get up and run off to get his pyjamas on. I got away with that for about a month until my eldest dobbed me in .

It's NOT illegal to drive with an interior light on!!

I literally learned this the other week. I couldn't believe it!

*Goodforgetter - yep she totally believed and we all suspected that she had taken exactly the kind joke you mention at face value. It was mind blowing. Of course has we been kinder colleagues we’d have set her straight but it was just too hilarious not to!

I used to think that on a vegetarian nut roast, you got peanuts, cashews, walnuts etc and thought it was gross that anyone would eat them with veg and gravy 😂😂

I just googled this as I thought you were wrong! And I'd learnt this at school lol. Thanks for correcting me.

never thought about them not being buffalo and buffalo not having wings blush

Or about there being a place called Buffalo where the wings were first made that way.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

I only realised in my early 20s that motorbikes, busses etc etc ran on petrol. For some reason I thought it was literally just cars that needed petrol. Unfortunately it was during (one of) my driving test that I saw a motorbike being fuelled.
Honestly, I'm usually competent.

Biggreygoose I was gonna say that! Steven Pinker fan?

@Biggreygoose I STILL can't get my head around that!

Found the explanation:

First, it's "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." The capitals are important.
Buffalo has three meanings in American English; the adjunct noun "Buffalo" is the city in New York, the noun "buffalo" is the plural and singular name of the American bison, and the verb "buffalo" means "to outwit or confuse".
The sentence itself uses some trickery in order to remain grammatically correct. It uses two clauses in grammar, the reduced relative clause and the restrictive clause, that allow it to go without commas or joining words.
The sentence means that the Buffalo buffalo (the bison in the city of Buffalo, New York) are intimidating other bison in their city through the use of bullying, and are in turn being bullied back.
A more accurate sentence might be; "Buffalo buffalo, that Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo Buffalo buffalo." Or "Bison from the city, that bully bison from the city, are being bullied by Bison in the city."

When I was a child I thought that dolphins ate tuna and because humans kept thanking all their tuna they were dying. So I believed dolphin friendly tuna meant that they caught tuna from a different place to where the dolphins were so they weren't stealing their food. I think I thought this until I was about 18/19.

As children's my parents would leave out a bottle of beer and a mince pie for Santa. Obviously I later knew that it was my df who brought in the presents to the foot of the bed. But I was in my 40s before I realised that they swapped the bottle for an empty one rather than, as I'd believed, my virtually teetotal dad huddled down swigging it back trying not to wake us.

At 19 when I moved into my first flatshare I was very distressed to find my flat mates breaking the law by not putting the knives forks and spoons in the right order in the kitchen drawer. My dm had drilled it into us kids that they had to be separate with them going right to left. I still keep this order in my 60s. Sad.

@scampi I wouldn't say a fan as such, but I have read a lot of his work and it's very interesting.

I thought that before they cut the umbilical cord they had to tie it by making a big loop and putting the baby through it!

@grumpymacgrumpface - I remember being surprised that belly buttons aren't knotted too!

Until a recent museum trip, I believed that the 'hard labour' jail sentence involved construction, not pointless labour intensive tasks.

I also cleared up a belief that twins run in our family, finding out that the great uncles I believed to be twins were actually born 10 years apart

I used to think that nuclear power plants somehow magically converted radioactive decay into electricity. I was fairly disappointed when I realised that the heat generated simply heats up water, produces steam and turns a turbine. Took me until my 20s to work that one out, and by that time I had a science degree...

When quite small I saw a billboard with an advert for trainers on it (can't remember what brand), that said "think with your feet" so I then imagined that's where your brain must really be. Nobody corrected me for a while. I thought you had half your brain in one big toe and the rest in the other.

Like that confusing line in the song "I can sing a rainbow":

Listen with your eyes, listen with your eyes, and sing everything you see...

And didn't some politician think that the order of rainbow colours is: red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue?

I mean, I knew that flamingoes were a type of bird, but the birds I didn't notice/realise had legs are the 'bird' birds, like the local ones...garden birds or whatever they're called. I'll shut up now

If you're on the inside track it's a shorter distance

Ohhhhhhhh
I definitely didn't think they made the fastest runners go the longest distance so it was fairer for the slower ones. Oh no, not me.