Things that you've thought that were in fact absurd

[Pacificplaza]

Inspired by another current thread: what things have you thought to yourself, and accepted as true, which on telling someone else have quickly transpired to be completely ridiculous?

E.g: I always thought that when drinking a hot beverage, that the misty effect observed should you happen to glance down into the cup was your EYEBALLS getting STEAMED UP in the manner of a pair of glasses. When I casually mentioned this at work everyone kindly pointed out that I was just... seeing the steam.

My car is an old banger with no air con, just the air blower. For my entire life until my ExDP corrected me, I thought you had to 'run' the hot air until it turned from cold to hot eventually in the same way you do the tap. Rather than just turn it on once the car's warmed up. The hours I must have spent grimly tolerating a stream of freezing air in winter .

I'm not normally a simpleton by the way, I've got degrees and stuff and mostly manage to function.

So please tell me I'm not alone!

Reminds me that my Grandad used to say there was a fox that loved to bite little girls that lived under his bed. NEVER went in that room.

Thanks Blahdy she was just one of those special kinds of people! I miss her dearly but feel so lucky to have had her as my nana. She was amazing

My DB used to tell me there was a ghost called 'Percy' who lived under her stairs. I always made sure I ran past that bleedin cupboard every single time, for my whole childhood. The anxiety Percy caused me for all those years!

Suppose that's what happens when you're the youngest sibling, you just get tormented by the older ones!

Just remembered many years ago lots of hype about a "Lennox Lewis fight" that was coming up. My DM thought it was a boxing match between Lennox and Lewis...

I've just woken she up snorting at the alien race of Bygones

My eyeballs definitely do steam up.
When I blink it goes away.

DH. Not she. Bloody transgenderifying phone.

It can only have been six months ago that I learnt that "ends meat" is not a type of stew. I had such a clear image in my head too of a poor harassed mother saying "now children, it'll be end's meat for dinner until your father gets his wages" as she stirred a big pot.

Not me, but my sister;
Last year her housemate had made Pasta and offered her some, when she asked what was in it they told her tomato and basil.
She replied "Eeww no thanks, I don't eat fox"

At 20 years of age she didn't know what basil was and thought it was bloody fox meat.
When she told me I asked why she thought Basil was fox and she said "because the meal Basil Brush that people eat"
I had to explain that Basil Brush was a puppet from a kid's TV show and NOT a meal
I swear sometimes I don't think we're related

Took me ages to work out how they got the monkeys to fly in the wizard of oz.

I thought Michael Jackson sang:

Billie Jean has got my gun
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
The chairlift's not my son
She says I am the one, but the chairlift's not my son

The chairlift's not my son

Did you used to belt that out AllToads?

Sorry, because I always always bring this up on these threads, but it's the Centre Parcs being under a dome thing. Not just the swimming pool, the whole shebang, woods, lake and all

Me too. Until my mid 40s

There is a green hill far away without a city wall puzzled me because I couldn't understand why a green hill would need a city wall in the first place

Me too. I must have mid 20s when the penny dropped that it is the same as the Scottish legal term "outwith"

Lapis Lazuli- fortunately not an article one often needs to say out loud given how I mentally pronounced the second word.

Oh dear what can the matter be
2 fat ladies stuck in the lavatory... is what my FIL sings! 6 months of hearing that at 7am every morning whilst we temporarily lived there whilst we were having building work done and that version is welded right inside my head!!

I thought it was oh dear what can the matter be 3 old ladies locked in the lavatory and then at the end of it it's a pretty good day at the fair!!

Three old ladies.
They were there from Monday to Saturday.
Nobody knew they were there.

*The chairlift's not my son grin grin

Did you used to belt that out AllToads?*

I still do

Ooops!

Ok im only on p1 of this thread but....trains have wheels?!?! Im 41 & i genuinely believed they just sort of glided along the track!!!

Thank you hidden :) I shall attempt to squeeze it into my conversation by the end of today

Washbaskets we had a thread on that recently. Please don't say the physics is a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat? That statement is true but applying it in this context is absurd.

Haha you're welcome stealth- in its modern form it's a term that assumes a Marxist world view (I.e.: history is economics and class revolution etc.). Some people dismiss the concept.

Also, with the green hill far away, there is the question: wasn't it mostly desert landscape, or am I thinking of the crucifixion scene from Life of Brian? (And didn't people see in black and white in those days anyway? Just kidding...)

I also used to think the words in a book didn't appear until you opened it.so woukd spend ages opening and closing books ..'trying to catch them out' Mind you, with some kids' TV (which I remember from the 1980's), you could be forgiven for this. I'm sure there were programmes where the words appeared on the screen as they were read out. I also remember a programme where they'd put the book in a big machine, to be read. I couldn't understand why we didn't do that with our Ladybird books (the ones which had a tape to go with them).

Actually hidden I think I might dismiss the concept too - easier than trying to remember the word ;)

Just Googled. Contact lenses were made of glass but not during my lifetime!