Things that you've thought that were in fact absurd

[Pacificplaza]

Inspired by another current thread: what things have you thought to yourself, and accepted as true, which on telling someone else have quickly transpired to be completely ridiculous?

E.g: I always thought that when drinking a hot beverage, that the misty effect observed should you happen to glance down into the cup was your EYEBALLS getting STEAMED UP in the manner of a pair of glasses. When I casually mentioned this at work everyone kindly pointed out that I was just... seeing the steam.

My car is an old banger with no air con, just the air blower. For my entire life until my ExDP corrected me, I thought you had to 'run' the hot air until it turned from cold to hot eventually in the same way you do the tap. Rather than just turn it on once the car's warmed up. The hours I must have spent grimly tolerating a stream of freezing air in winter .

I'm not normally a simpleton by the way, I've got degrees and stuff and mostly manage to function.

So please tell me I'm not alone!

though, to be fair, when I was 16 I went to America (key west) with my dad and was totally amazed by the fact there were chickens everywhere. "Dad, they have chickens in America, who knew?!"

I think his response was ... the colonel, who made Kentucky fried chicken famous.

DH told our children that the sunroof in the car was for ejecting naughty children out of. They believed him for a long time, and I must say were pretty well behaved in the car. I would recommend it as a behaviour control technique, only they all say they still hold it against DH that he lied to them.

When I was a kid, I thought all the 'To Let' signs everwhere were misspelled toilet signs. The pedant in me, even at that age, was a bit like, 'tch'!

I did think it was great there were so many public conveniences.

put sunday dinner up in the air-aged 12 by calling my dad a "dildo"..refused to stop it cos wouldn't tell me what he objected to. A few hours later a worse for wear (pub)he showed me a human body type encyclopedia ...pointed to a mans bits n said "its a fake one of these".....like I said I was 12...therefore believed was for amputee victims til...fairly recently

I was utterly convinced snakes didn't have bones for a long time, despite the fact that I owned one.

I have a DB who is 8 years my junior. When he was v young I told him that every time a swan had a baby a child would receive a ring hence signet rings. He had no idea that a baby swan was a cygnet. See what I did there?!

Left home, went to Uni and forgot all about it. YEARS later received an angry call from DB. History teacher asked his class whether any of them knew the origin of signet rings...DB's hand shot up and he proceeded to proudly regale the class with my completely ridiculous and untrue explanation. Cue stunned silence and DB getting a dressing down from the teacher for taking the piss. Laughing as I type this and it was at least 30 years ago. Aaaaa the winter evenings just fly by....

Me too with the To Let signs

I did convince a woman I worked with that sheep who graze mainly on hills, have adapted , so the front legs are shorter than the back . It meant they didn't have to bend over so far to eat grass. She believed me too!

I used to wonder why sporty people wore sweatbands on their wrists, since wrists don't sweat

I genuinely used to think it was to stop the sweat from running down from their armpits onto their hands!

I'm marvelling that Ducknose knew what flamingos were but didn't know that birds had legs

This thread is hilarious!

These two were both my friend - honestly. She has me in stitches.

• She thought mohair came from a Mo. As in, there was an animal called a Mo.

• She thought contact lenses were made of really thin glass and only realised they weren't when she saw me take on out that was annoying me to rinse and I rolled it about in my palm.

Used to work with a woman who thought the entire calorie content of a meal would be cancelled out by rounding off dinner with a Diet Coke.

Same colleague thought that broken biscuits contained no calories...

I genuinely believed unicorns were real. When finding out they weren't I said to my husband '"there's no reason why they can't be real, I mean it's only a horse with a horn"
To which my husband replied "and wings"

--I also have a unicorn tattoo. Oh the shame.

Like others, I misheard the lyrics of Lord of the Dance. But I was singing Lord of The Dansardy - The Dansardy was obviously a region or country sort of next door to Jerusalem. It made sense to me.

And I never realised that the word "albeit" was pronounced all be it. In my head for years it was pronounced "al-bite".

I used to get mixed up between herrings and herons. I still have to think carefully which is which!

Mum and I went to the zoo a few years ago, and, as we rounded a corner, I said "Oh look, llamas!". Mum replied "Do llamas not have 2 heads?". We both laughed so hard we ended up lying helpless on the ground!

DH recently got caught out explaining flowers to DS(3). They had covered roses, daisies and dandelions when he came upon some white fluffy ones... He knew they were dandelions, but then couldn't figure out what the bright yellow ones they'd seen earlier had been. He came home all confused and asked me why 2 different types of flowers are called dandelions!

When I was about 9, a Bookmakers opened in our village. I couldn't understand why some people were a bit cross about it, when it was clearly the perfect opportunity for me to publish the book I'd been working on...

I've also never been quite sure how to pronounce "segue", "Montague", "Ibuprofen" or "Lucia".

I thought that kiwi fruit grow on trees.

Farmers fields near me one with white sheep one with black sheep ....I was told when I young this was because they were rascits and wouldn't mix not because they were different breeds 😕

We went on a day out once to a park that had ducks and Swans. Me and my auntie were stood watching them when she said 'you never see a duck mid transformation into a swan do you???' I honestly laughed for the rest of the day... and am in hysterics at the memory of it right now 😂😂😂

I can't believe I'm the only one incredulous at the poster who's only just found out that birds have legs, unless that was a joke that went over my head.

I only worked dandelions out last year

@hollyisalovelyname

Simplified version: Periods are controlled by your hormones, which come from your ovaries... If you get sterilised for contraception, they tie your fallopian tubes up so the eggs can't meet the sperm and make a baby. All your other reproductive gear (womb, ovaries etc) are left intact, so periods still occur.

If you have a hysterectomy (womb out) then you won't have periods and you will also be sterile, but that isn't how they do sterilisations.

Also if you have ovaries out, you'll also be sterile (because no eggs) and probably no periods because no hormones, but don't take that last but as gospel as I'm over simplifying things 😂

Until the age of 8/9, I believed a story my dad would tell me of how I was conceived........
"My mum went to the doctor's and got an injection, she was eating a lot of food for 9months and then my mum went to the hospital and I came out of the stomach"
I seriously believed that was how babies were conceived, until a kid in my class said that your parents have sex to make you.....I didn't want to believe it.

I was once told that if I continue to suck my thumb I will turn into a monkey......I never sucked my thumb again.

@Putyourdamnshoeson. 37 years old. How did I not know this? I've had a wasted life.

Up until very recently I thought eggs were dairy and your tonsils were the dangly bit at the back of your throat.
I'm 27

There isn't a steering wheel on a train? So what does the train driver do when the train is moving? (Not taking the piss ThisIsntMyUsualName just truly incredulous.) If you have now worked it out, I need you to share it!