Things that you've thought that were in fact absurd

[Pacificplaza]

Inspired by another current thread: what things have you thought to yourself, and accepted as true, which on telling someone else have quickly transpired to be completely ridiculous?

E.g: I always thought that when drinking a hot beverage, that the misty effect observed should you happen to glance down into the cup was your EYEBALLS getting STEAMED UP in the manner of a pair of glasses. When I casually mentioned this at work everyone kindly pointed out that I was just... seeing the steam.

My car is an old banger with no air con, just the air blower. For my entire life until my ExDP corrected me, I thought you had to 'run' the hot air until it turned from cold to hot eventually in the same way you do the tap. Rather than just turn it on once the car's warmed up. The hours I must have spent grimly tolerating a stream of freezing air in winter .

I'm not normally a simpleton by the way, I've got degrees and stuff and mostly manage to function.

So please tell me I'm not alone!

As a teen, I thought euthanasia was some sort of voluntary work overseas - youth in Asia. I couldn't work out why some people thought euthanasia was a bad thing.

Oh QuothTheRavenNevermore yikes

I worked with someone who thought that a map of the UK was a map of the world.
We had it pinned up in the office with tags on as to where each of our sites were, their contact details and other info. This person was my manager and it was about a year in when I walked into the office and found her staring at the map. I asked her what was up and she said that she was sooooo jealous of the contact in Italy. Now our company wasn't world wide so I was understandably confused but let it go. Then a bit later she had just gotten off the phone with the Plymouth contact and said how impressed she was that they also worked in pounds and pence as she can't get her head around the Euro. Turns out she thought that Plymouth was Italy on the map. She thought that the UK was where Newcastle is (and that's why we where tagged there).

I thought that mannequins in shops were people who had stood still for too long and the missing limbs and heads had just dropped off. I was about 12 when I found out this wasn't true.

My friend has just confessed to thinking the voice over for Night Dive fragrance was Trigger from Only Fools and Horses saying ' 'night Dave' as the bloke jumped off the cliff

I was about 17 before I was told with snorting derision realised that the Tories are not so-called because it's short for Conservatory. Them being Conservatives. Ahem.

My dad convinced us as children that haggis was a small guinea pig type animal that roamed the Scottish highlands 😀

haggis lovers:

Our Guide district commisioner was an amazing lady, and she used to take Brownies on trips.
Once she took a load to Scotland and it was a long drive. As they crossed the border she told them to start looking out for haggis. Small enough to fit in a matchbox, look like a stone, but with legs, two short and two long for running round hills.

Sure enough over the next hour various Brownies started to spot haggises on the hillsides.
Then the ones who hadn't seen one got upset.

OH she sadi suddenly, didn't I mention that some of them wear little red kilts?

Suddenly all the rest of the brownies spotted haggises.

So it must be true. A whole coach load of brownies can't be wrong.....

(when she retired we made he a wee haggis in a kilt in a matchbox)

I thought the word Hegemony - which nobody I socialised with would ever use - was pronounced Hedge-money

(Like some kind of item on a gardner's invoice)

It really hurts when people laugh at you - and you know they are telling that anecdote to everyone they want to impress.

SOB. In fact, I only confessed to it here as an attempt at catharsis. (Don't ask me to pronounce that either)

I thought a condominium was a huge store that sold contraceptives.

I grew up with my dad, near a small local airport, my dad told me that he didn't have much hair because he stuck his head out the window of the car, while driving past the airport as a plane was taking off, my entire class 1 believed me too!

My grandad convinced me that yoghurt comes from 'the yog', (a goat type animal) just as Milk comes from a cow

And I somehow believed for years (until I actually thought about it with an adult head on) that Jesus magically grew up from being born at Christmas to Easter when he died... literally aged 30 years, magically in 8months.... I'm not religious so maybe that's why I didn't figure this one earlier lol x

Ah restless traveller
They were stuck there from Monday to Saturday as well

Until I was about 8, I thought to get rid of a fringe you cut it off, not grow it out.

Teutonic
Explain sterilisation and periods please.

As a kid my Aunt told me if I ate all my eggs (boiled) I'd grow feathers under my arms! Believed that for years!
Someone I knew asked if chickens had 4 breasts as there were four in the pack... she was in her 30's!
I told my teenage daughter R. Kelly wore a white plaster on his face to show off how black his skin was (really not in a racist way). She believed me for a years 😂

I thought birds flying south for the winter went to London If it's any defense at all I've only been to London once as a young child, it was over winter, and there was a fecktonne of birds and people selling feed. I didn't exactly dwell on it to realise my stupidity

Put is wrong the chicken didn't die you are supposed to focus on why a chicken crossed not the purpose of the crossing the fact that you thought otherwise is either hilarious or a bit sick I'm not sure which

A couple of years ago was getting pain in my side and went for x-ray and was told I had an extra rib so I'm a woman with more ribs than men !

When I was a little girl, I used to think that people on the tv could see into our living room and that it was like a parallel world. When any special occasions like weddings, were shown on tv, I was paranoid about keeping myself and my clothes pristine, just in case we were invited!

For absolutely years I thought SAE meant Send An Envelope

Scampimum 'Tory' doesn't come from conservatory. The Tories actually predate the Conservatives

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tory

Oops, sorry just realised that you said you used to think that Tory came from conservatory, I thought you meant you'd only just realised it. Sorry, read your post completely wrong!

Thanks to the 2D world map I believed that America and Russia were at opposite ends of the world. I couldn't understand why they had such problems with each other given the huge distance involved. How my dh laughed. My only retaliation is that he pronounces hyperbole as 'hyper-bowl' like some kind of extreme sport. Dumbarse.

So, one of my good friends, who is super intelligent but has zero common sense, never had her ears pierced. We were at uni at the time and talking about getting her ears pierced. I explained that they do ears with a gun, generally speaking. In all innocence she asked "but where does the bullet go?" She genuinely thought that the piercer stood back, took aim and fired a tiny bullet in each ear. I laughed for a long time after that!

Haha

DP announced to me the other day that he thought it was really stupid that a decade was described by its potential behaviour. He genuinely thought that people were referring to the noughties as the naughties.
I just looked at him, laughed hysterically, then explained it was NOUGHT as in ... zero. I've never seen him look so embarrassed. He's been thinking it for 17 years 😂