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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school shouldn't refuse my child lunch

151 replies

Rathercrossaboutthis · 18/09/2017 16:01

DS (12) forgot his school lanyard today. He's a well behaved boy who rarely forgets things (although it causes him much anxiety to stay on top of things not least because he has HF ASD). He called me in a panic en route to school as at this school forgetting the lanyard is a behaviour point, if not a detention offence, but it was too late for me to do anything.

He just told me that he was refused entry into the canteen for not having his lanyard (even though you don't actually need the lanyard to purchase lunch as there's a "thumb print" system). The teacher concerned was apparently very unpleasant when he tried to explain and shouted 'No lanyard. No lunch". He actually usually has packed lunch and goes to a "quiet room" for this so tried to go there to ask one of the SEN staff for help but again he was blocked by this teacher. He was told he was only allowed to lessons but nowhere else.

Ok I know he broke a rule by forgetting his lanyard but surely they can't punish him by refusing him lunch??? For all this teacher knew he could've been diabetic or something.

WIBU to complain?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 18/09/2017 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youarenotkiddingme · 18/09/2017 17:02

My suggestion would be to contact the senco, explain what happened but say that ds isn't entirely sure of what was expected of him due to the teacher shouting and dismissive attitude.

The best way forward after events like this is to outline the issue, outline why it's an issue for your child and then agree a way forward

PurpleMinionMummy · 18/09/2017 17:04

As a teacher on duty I would be under instructions, for example, not to let students into the building at lunch without a note from a member of staff. If I let in every student who presented me with a reason they needed to go in, they would be at risk.

Your kids need a note/reason to go in the school canteen to eat lunch at lunch time? How odd

Oblomov17 · 18/09/2017 17:04

This is really bad. Jobsworth.

sporadicrains · 18/09/2017 17:07

Well you sound a delight, Pengggwn

Yes, it is a one-sided story - from a child with SN who should not be treated like that at school.

ChelleDawg2020 · 18/09/2017 17:08

There's often more than one side to the story, and you currently only have your child's point of view. A child's "explanation" might not be as straightforward as they have led you to believe - it may have been more aggressive, entitled or confrontational.

He usually has a packed lunch, so the teacher probably thought he was trying it on, wanting a freebie.

These are all plausible explanations which would justify the teacher's refusals, without hearing the other person's point of view you should give them the benefit of the doubt.

TheHungryDonkey · 18/09/2017 17:16

I'll bet a tenner that some of the parents on here have had a gut full of their autistic child's needs being shit on through primary and don't want the same shit going on in secondary. Which clearly it does.

Pengggwn · 18/09/2017 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaitlinktm · 18/09/2017 17:17

This is one of the reasons why I opted out of lunch duties.

DumbledoresApprentice · 18/09/2017 17:19

It's still worth contacting the senco to find out exactly what has gone on, even if it turns out he was just meant to go and get a temporary lanyard. The staff on duty might need to be made aware of your son and his needs for future reference. Whatever happened a child with SEN ended up alone and unfed at lunchtime. Any good school would want to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Apple23 · 18/09/2017 17:20

Speak to the SENCo. Find out where DS should go for help if he forgets the lanyard again / has a similar problem he can't solve. If the school had a procedure that you and he are aware of, you could have reminded him where to go to sort it out.

Also mention that he is reporting being alone at lunchtime, if he is unhappy about it. They may be able to set up a buddy for him or direct him a club or place he can go rather than wander around.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 18/09/2017 17:21

So you haven't actually spoken to the school and your son has a high liklihood of misunderstanding what the teacher said, and yet you're accepting his (changing) version of events?

First step - ask the school what actually happened.

Pengggwn · 18/09/2017 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Rathercrossaboutthis · 18/09/2017 17:25

So you haven't actually spoken to the school and your son has a high liklihood of misunderstanding what the teacher said, and yet you're accepting his (changing) version of events?

Haven't said I believe him. I'm just trying to figure out what happened so I can decide if/how to complain. I am upset he was put in that position though.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 18/09/2017 17:26

forgetting the lanyard in the first place was probably a symptom of his disability as asd people can tend to find executive skills more challenging.

They need to be able to make provision for children who can not communicate as well. (autism is a communication disorder. )

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 18/09/2017 17:27

Haven't said I believe him. I'm just trying to figure out what happened so I can decide if/how to complain. I am upset he was put in that position though.

Don't be silly. How can Mumsnet help you figure out what happened? You came here asking if you should complain.

Ameliablue · 18/09/2017 17:40

It does sound as if there was a misunderstanding rather than deliberate withholding of food, so in that case I would contact the school, explain that due to his particular needs he had difficulty understanding what was required and ask for clarification on what the procedure is. That way the school are informed that they failed to meet his needs and you can prepare him should it happen again.

Notevilstepmother · 18/09/2017 17:44

I would suggest a chat with the Senco, rather than a complaint in the first instance, and see if the Senco can keep a spare lanyard for him, and he is to fetch it first thing in the morning if he needs it, not wait until lunchtime.

I imagine the situation is probably that he was sent to his head of year to get a spare lanyard before having lunch. That's what happened at the school I worked in. Lanyards were worn for lunch so that the fingerprint can be checked against the ID card, and so that the appropriate year group is eating lunch at the appropriate time, as not all the students can fit in the canteen at once.

The teacher who sent him may not have been aware of his needs, which does happen in bigger schools, and may have thought that your DS was being defiant by wanting to go to the quiet room when he was sent to the head of year.

Misunderstandings do happen, and if your son really can't manage to listen to and follow a basic instruction when he is stressed out (if that is what happened) due to his autism then the Senco needs to make sure staff are aware of this.

DumbledoresApprentice · 18/09/2017 17:45

OP asked if she should complain based on the information she had at the time. She was obviously angry. To her credit, rather than storming up to the school she's questioned her son again to try and make sure she's got the story straight. Regardless of whether the teacher on duty did anything "wrong" the OP's DS ended up alone and without lunch. The school should be happy to put measures in place to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again.

CoyoteCafe · 18/09/2017 17:46

Pengggwn is right. It is sometimes not clear to people on the outside of the school why the school has some of the rules they have.

Requiring all students to wear a lanyard is very common in the US for students this age. They have their picture ID on them. There are ways around it (going to the office and telling them you forgot it) and students with disabilities are treated differently while still teaching them they need to wear it.

I would approach it from the disability point of view. Once he gets in the habit, he'll never forget it. People with autism are black/white thinkers, who are most comfortable with routine, order, and consistent rules.

Notevilstepmother · 18/09/2017 17:47

Mumsnet can help figure out what may have happened because some of us have been in the position of the teacher and may have an insight into how a misunderstanding could have happened.

DeleteOrDecay · 18/09/2017 17:50

Whatever happened a child with SEN ended up alone and unfed at lunchtime. Any good school would want to make sure it doesn't happen again.

This. Such a shame that your son ended up in this position but I agree about arranging a meeting with the senco to try and piece together what happened and come up with a plan of action about what to do should he forget his lanyard in future.

Poor lad must have been so confused.

Sandsunsea · 18/09/2017 17:50

Holy shit! Wtf is happening in our schools? Refused lunch? Isolation for haircuts?
Absolutely approach the school and kick up shit.

Blossomdeary · 18/09/2017 17:51

A lanyard FGS! - I simply don't believe it! What is the point of it? Is it simply there to raise the risk of kids strangling each other on the playground? What an utterly ridiculous piece of nonsense is that!!!

And not to feed a child because he does not have this piece of utter nonsense!

What is going in in schools Have people lost their senses

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2017 17:52

I think he was being told to go to the office to get another pass, whether she was rude and abrupt may be a matter of perception, as well as what she actually said. She was likely dismissive as she was busy and not aware of any additional needs, I'd not be certain of much more than that.

I think I'd let him know in future if he forgets his lanyard to go to the office and get a temp one. There is a very high chance here it all got a little confusing for him due to it being so busy and loud there and her not focusing on him specifically.