To wonder how the hell I'll be able to give birth when I have no pain threshold whatsoever and the hips of a pubescent boy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH wants to start TTC reasonably soon and while I do want to have children I am terrified, and I do mean terrified of childbirth.

I am useless with pain. I have a few very small tattoos and I nearly passed out with them, and they were done relatively quickly. I don't know how on earth I'd manage with hours of labour pain and whatever comes afterwards.

I also have extremely narrow violin hips. I'm talking size 8 and have to replace jeans every few months because of chub rub chafing through them narrow. God only knows how a baby would fit through them.

Would elective C section be my only real option? I know it seems bonkers to even be thinking about that now but I don't know if I'll be able to start TTC without a clear picture of how I'm going to handle the end result!

The size of your hips doesn't really come into it when you're giving birth, I think it's more to do with the shape/size of your pelvic that will determine wether the baby will come out (relatively easily).

So being wide hipped doesn't really guarantee anything. Plus, in reality, there are all the firm/soft structures that the baby has to pass through and (possibly) causing varying amounts of damage on the way.

I meant- whether the baby will come out (relatively) easily

The size of your jeans isn't actually a good indicator of your actual pelvic outlet TBH. And also, the vast majority of women give birth to babies that fit them. So petite women often do have smaller babies.

Discuss your fears with your GP. Few obstetricians will grant an elective CS without there being clear indications although psychological reasons are obviously important.

The most important aspect is that you feel listened to and there is a clear plan for labour so that if there is a delay and things are not progressing well there is a fairly speedy move towards CS. The pain aspect is dealt with well by epidurals. And remember, nobody spends their entire labour in pain...it's the contractions that hurt and there is more time spent between contractions than with them. They also build up.

Discuss and get it all into perspective with dh and your GP. Don't let this fear stop you having babies, never forget the awesome prize!

I was just the same as you, even down to the embarrassing tattoo experiences. I didn't think I'd manage to give birth either... guess what, I did! Labour isn't a constant pain, it's like waves and you just have to do them one at a time. In the end I only needed G&A which is AMAZING, I loved it and was high as a kite. Do it, and enjoy the drugs!!!

My MIL is the tiniest little person you could imagine. She gave birth to several babies, all over 8lb - including a breech!!! Without any difficulties.

The scenario SeptemberSun have of a crash section is NOT representative of ECS - only crash sections. Most ECS are relatively calm. So don't let posts like that add to your panic.

A course of CBT might not be a bad idea to help you think positively before you decide to go ahead with pregnancy. You wouldn't want to be pregnant and terrified.

I was told that foot size was a good indication of pelvic width and therefore how "suited" you are to giving birth.
My size 10s were fuck all use though, I ended up with 2 emergency sections. (And if you're interested in how my recovery was the first was fine but second was hellish)

I have two friends. Both about 5ft, no hips, both size 6-8.

Both had ridiculously easy deliveries with decent sized babies. It's not as straightforward as looking like you have small hips and having a small pelvis.

I'm 4ft11", shoe size 1 and a size 6 at my slimmest. Both babies delivered vaginallly: an episiotomy but no complications with the first and a tiny tear that didn't even need a stitch with 8lb 4oz number two 8 years later. Honestly with number two I recovered so quickly.

For what it's worth Im a size 16 and have "childbearing hips" and having both my dcs still hurt like all fuckery. Childbirth is painful whatever your hips are like, that's why there are lots of lovely lovely drugs to choose from. You'll be fine.

Loving this thread! Thank you OP for posting and all those of you who have shared your experiences. I'm currently pregnant with my first baby. Narrow hips, low pain threshold, bad needle phobia and my husband is 6'4 and has a rugby player physique (and was a frankly terrifying 9 lbs 10 when born...his poor Mum! )

I'm actually uncharacterically calm about the whole thing though. Even the blood tests so far I've been waaaaaay calmer than usual, despite my needle phobia. Bigger picture obviously focussing my mind!

My midwife also gave me the line about "you tend not to grow a bigger baby than you personally can accommodate" and so I'm rigidly clinging to this belief for now (although @MrsTerryPratchet talking about her narrow hipped friend with the large build husband who got told "no way" did make me smile....I can definitely see that being me!)

Ps @talkietalk you are a star for going to help/reassure the distressed new Mum near you in the ward. What a lovely thing to do

Small lady here, massive husband/ big Head... 3 c sections due to 'failure to progress' (hours of torment'. I would have far preferred to have normal deliveries.
You need to see your GP to discuss your concerns before you get pregnant. I was told that they can X-ray your pelvis internal dimensions from above & below but not once you are pregnant. So push for that.
Also bring up your pain phobia, your mums birth history, your shoe size, size of your DP, both your head sizes, other family factors e.g. Birth weight.
Good luck 😊

OP also would insurance and going private be an option? That's what we opted for finally after a fairly horrendous NHS experience.

(Not wanting to derail this into an NHS bashing thread or anything.. I do dearly love the NHS and wish it was better funded but it isn't and I had a truly horrendous experience).

Frankly, there is every chance that you may be denied an epidural or a maternal request c-section. I think it is still possible to deliver vaginally even in those circumstances - but obviously I only know what my body is like, so don't want to needlessly diminish your fears. If going private (and you can even just go private with a midwifery led service "guaranteeing" an epidural or choose a consultant for delivery alone making it more affordable) is not an option then I suggest discussing it in greater detail with your GP. They will be able to give you advice on coping mechanisms + look into hospitals and trust policies to advise on the best one to use for your circumstances!

We always hear stories of the women denied epidurals and c-sections but I'm sure the stats suggest many more are easily approved... at least going by my antenatal online group. So don't be put off just by the horror stories you read on here!

It's a different sort of emotional painful rollercoaster, but you could look to adopt instead, or foster. Plenty of kids out there already exist & need the love. Don't need to make your own.

Has OP actually stated her hip circumference? I'm assuming very skinny with little fat on them.

I dunno. OP managed a few tattoos. I couldn't brave tattoo pain but I managed 4 babies ok.

I had two c-sections due to fear of birth and they are the best thing I have ever chosen to do.

Drugs drugs drugs. I think you'll regret a c section as the recovery can be a bitch

No such thing as too narrow hips. I was a size 4/6 before I had DD, my hips were about 32/33 inches, I measured my hips at 38 weeks and they were 42 inches. I didn't gain a lot of weight as I had HG for the whole 40 weeks, it was just the pelvis and hips loosen and move apart to make space for the baby. I had a very easy labour with just gas and air for the last few hours and no tearing. Nothing wrong with having a C section, but your body will make the space for the baby to come out during pregnancy. And personally the recovery from a C section was something I didn't want to deal with when I had a newborn if I could avoid it.

I'm also not good with pain, there is no way on earth I could get a tattoo and have fainted having jabs and from stubbing my toe before, but because during labour I knew the pain had a tangible purpose and an end (with the addition of a baby) I got through it, the majority with no pain relief as the midwives said if I could still talk I was no where near ready to give birth so not to come to hospital - they were wrong and I'm glad I ignored them as I was 8cm dilated when I arrived.

I don't know if it was just me, but although labour and childbirth hurt (although the drugs help a lot) it's not so bad because you know what's causing it and that it's going to stop.

Before having kids I winced at the slightest sensation of pain and had snake like, size 8 hips. I squeezed both my dc out with relatively no problems. Lots of pain while in labour, but they pushed through the birth canal quite easily if I can do it, so can you. I'm in my 30s and can't drive, so hoping to learn soon and am hoping for similar results 😂