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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how the hell I'll be able to give birth when I have no pain threshold whatsoever and the hips of a pubescent boy?

94 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 18/09/2017 15:23

DH wants to start TTC reasonably soon and while I do want to have children I am terrified, and I do mean terrified of childbirth.

I am useless with pain. I have a few very small tattoos and I nearly passed out with them, and they were done relatively quickly. I don't know how on earth I'd manage with hours of labour pain and whatever comes afterwards.

I also have extremely narrow violin hips. I'm talking size 8 and have to replace jeans every few months because of chub rub chafing through them narrow. God only knows how a baby would fit through them.

Would elective C section be my only real option? I know it seems bonkers to even be thinking about that now but I don't know if I'll be able to start TTC without a clear picture of how I'm going to handle the end result!

OP posts:
PollytheDoily · 18/09/2017 16:51

Size 8 here and small boned. My second was 8lb 7 and no stitches etc. Did feel like my pelvis was coming apart during birth but I stayed together Smile

SunSeptember · 18/09/2017 16:51

Op in all honesty I think its brilliant for you to acknowledge your not good with pain, I am not either and I seemed to suffer more than most with labour - ) also back to back).

You need to make sure in this case you research all drug options open to you and make a stink about epidural and being reassured they have it noted down you are not good with pain.

I found they offer epi as a birth pain option but in actual fact they do their best to dissuade you from actually having one when in labour - not only that but also - its not "readily" available - there are only a few people who can do it and they may be in theater or in another emergency.

Make it known all the way through how worried you are and get as much help as you can, hypnobirthing is supposed to be very powerful and helpful. good luck.

re the hips, I am not sure width makes difference!

PollytheDoily · 18/09/2017 16:54

Oh and no shame in pain relief whatsoever! Just pethadine and gas and air for second but had epidural for my first.

Allthecarsarelonely · 18/09/2017 16:55

I think I read that one of the indications of whether or not a woman is so tiny that childbirth could be difficult is shoe size. If a woman is smaller than a size 1 then the medics can get a bit concerned.

SunSeptember · 18/09/2017 16:56

Please look into getting over this as a c section is no fun. I've had all sorts of problems after mine and it was an emergency to save the life of my baby Hmm an emergency section and a planned ELC are two different things.

However if your really worried you can ask for an ELC I have one and it was far preferable to birth. I wasn't lucky and up playing a round of golf the day after however I found recovery a "plod" couldn't walk fast - got tired. But much more preferable to hours and hours of pain and not knowing how or when it would end!

blackteasplease · 18/09/2017 16:57

Obstetrician told me (when I was pregnant with dc1 and still slim) that being slim is helpful as less fat to get in the way the birth.

That doesn't help with the hips question but as pps have said there are 1. drugs and 2. c section.

You will be fine!

It's not the only thing in life that's painful and you just take life as it comes.

piglet81 · 18/09/2017 16:58

I think it's all very hard to predict. I have wide hips (remember my aunt commenting on my 'childbearing hips' when I was about 12 - thanks Hmm) but my baby got into a bad position and I ended up with an EMCS. On the other hand, I know some very slim women who have had uncomplicated VBs. Tokophobia is a thing though, so perhaps a conversation with a sympathetic GP would be a helpful starting point.

RandomMess · 18/09/2017 16:59

I was tiny size 6-8 hips, size 3 feet on a good day, only 5' - DC2 was 10lb6oz, no tearing etc honestly it was fine.

Lovingmybear2 · 18/09/2017 16:59

Narrow hips and wide hips making amy difference to giving birth is a myth.

Size 8 here and had 2 babies all over 9 1b the last 2 being twins although they were smaller.

Have an epidural or just pain relief but to be honest it's not always painful. Ds 1 was such an easy birth I have had worse period pain.

Don't stress.

strongasmeringue · 18/09/2017 16:59

Why the Hmm face? It is still serious surgery and my problems are nothing to do with it being an emergency. I was making the point I had no choice and it didn't end completely brilliantly. Why put yourself throug unnecessary surgery? It's had a knock on effect for years for me.

coldcuptea · 18/09/2017 17:00

The funny thing is that my mates who are like you (low pain threshold ) have had the easiest births ever and I nearly died of it and have a v high threshold so there's hope.

SunSeptember · 18/09/2017 17:01

Isnt it also about babies head? babies heads are getting bigger so its becoming harder for us to birth them? no matter how large our hips are?

Its often painted by the medical MW establishment that the worst that can happen to you is to have a ELC section - calm, planned in advance...I dont see it like that.

I see the worst that can happen is a long long tortuously labour. Never ending, scared, panicking....then the emergency button being pressed, frantic medics gathering round your bed, talk of babies distress, theatre - rushed drugs given to desperately try and get baby out because now we are in a frantic - literal LIFE SAVING MOMENT with every single second counting on your and babies actual life, ripping you apart below - forceps grasping at babys head to yank baby out....Mum sore damaged below - afraid to be upset about that because she knows baby could have died. Mum left in physical pain, baby has bruising and cuts...and thats quite a common scenario.

Not worse case scenario to walk into theatre - chatty happy staff, lie down, in a calm manner get drugs - baby comes out - its calm- you cry - you are lost in rapture at your child and before you know where you are your cuddled up in recovery then back on the ward!

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 18/09/2017 17:06

BoomBoom thank you for taking the time out of your day to write that incredibly helpful, constructive response. I should just get over myself!! Fuck, why didn't I think of that?!

My Mum had a stillbirth and two EMCS (bro was premature and I was sideways). Don't know what my Aunts did but they're all bigger than I am so no real case for comparison

OP posts:
Chattycat78 · 18/09/2017 17:06

Sorry I'm a size 6- and I've had both a normal birth and a section. The section was planned and I had no choice because baby had stopped growing and was breach- they had to get him out early.

Pretty sure they won't offer you a section just for being small. Also a section really isn't the walk in the park people think it is.

I would cross the childbirth bridge when you get to it. It will be ok.

Camomila · 18/09/2017 17:08

I'm a small size 8 and didn't think birth was that bad (it was painful obviously but bearable) but you couldn't pay me enough to get a tattoo - eek - needles - skin - just no!

You can always have an ELCS but the recovery may well be worse than the recovery after labour, unfortunately there's no way of knowing beforehand.

Conversation with a sympathetic Gp/midwife or counsellor sounds like a good idea.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 18/09/2017 17:10

RandomMess bloody hell!!

I know I don't respond well to pain. I properly panic. Given my Mum's history of difficult pregnancies and births I'm going into this pretty scared already

OP posts:
SalamiSandwich · 18/09/2017 17:14

OP your mum really hasn't helped here. You have no idea how it will go but she's made you automatically think the worst. Your labour and birth could be brilliant, but she's clouded your judgment. Don't assume the worst.

MuffinTip · 18/09/2017 17:15

I am a size 6 and have very narrow hips. I managed to give birth to a 9lb 6oz baby and 8lb 10 baby with no issues. Quick, easy labours and gave birth in water. I think my hips were wider after labour for a while but everything went back to normal and I'm still a size 6 so any widening of hips wasn't permanent!

IrritatedUser1960 · 18/09/2017 17:15

Do what I did and book an epidural right at the start. Tell them you are phobic about childbirth.
No pain whatsoever here - I have no idea what childbirth feels like Smile and I have a lovely grown up son.

ElizabethShaw · 18/09/2017 17:18

Vino - yes, the wrist cannula is horrible!

I had the epidural requested on my birth plan for second and third babies, and asked as soon as I got to hospital. With all three births I did have to wait as the anaesthetist was busy in theatre but no one tried to delay or deny it at all and I got it as soon as was possible. Ask early and often!

TableMirror · 18/09/2017 17:19

I know lots of tiny women who have given birth naturally without issue.

I'm slim myself with a low pain threshold and a backwards tilting pelvis, I used to get period pain so bad I would vomit. Contractions were the same paid BUT they came in waves and then stopped, much easier to cope with!

I had planned to have ALL the drugs but by the time I thought the pain was bad enough to go to hospital I was 8cm dilated, I did the whole bloody thing on nothing more than 2 paracetamol.

It's not easy but it's not that bad!

BananaShit · 18/09/2017 17:25

So in your case OP, your mum had a section because you were transverse. That's not because of her hip size necessarily. Just one of those things.There's no reason to think that would happen to you. Not that I am saying for a moment that you shouldn't elect a section if that's what's best for you. There certainly are risks, but the same is also true of attempting a vaginal birth. It's really just about which set are more acceptable to you. There's recent case law to that effect.

NobodyKnowsMeAtAll · 18/09/2017 17:25

In our NCT group the most slender of us had the easiest birth. She has hips the width of a hosepipe (OK slightly extreme there but narrow).

Hosepipe-Hips has had 2 normal sized babies, vaginally, both between 6.5lbs to 7lbs. Quick births, very little intervention and if I recall correctly not much more than Gas & Air. Poss some pethidine.

The widest-hipped in our NCT group - c-section x 2.

Your hips are not necessarily a good indicator.

disinheritingyourchildren · 18/09/2017 17:28

It's very rare for women to have such a small pelvis that she cannot give birth. This would usually be caused by rickets or some sort of defect.

SandSnakeOfDorne · 18/09/2017 17:30

Isn't the hip width thing just a myth? I thought it was really pelvic size and how well it moves apart in labour that made a difference.

I've had one natural labour and one c section and the total overall pain was worse with the c section because the recovery is much worse. You can prepare for a natural birth with hypnotherapy. Then use drugs.